February 2, 2023
Emily Lynn Lushbaugh (Hayes)
This Rollercoaster with You
In the beginning, it’s all smiles and laughter
We talk for hours, make love before and after
It feels so exciting to learn more about you
I like it here, no matter what it is we do
We make plans for our future together
And pretty quickly, you become my treasure
I think of you all day long, every day of the week
When you’re not beside me, I find it hard to sleep
And when your mood shifts for the worst
I get reminded instantly that I’m cursed
Because my mind will just keep going
In loops and spirals, the thoughts keep flowing
When they do, they envelop me in a cloud of worry
My eyes water until my vision gets blurry
My heart pounds so hard that it hurts
I just know that, eventually, it’ll burst
And the hardest part for me to handle
Is when you shut down, I feel so dismantled
Because what else can I do?
Other than assume?
And my assumptions are always dark
I wonder did you lose the spark?
I wonder if you hate me now?
I wonder when this happened, I ponder how.
It’s probably me, the signs all say that
I’m looking forward, but I’m also always looking back
What took place in the last few days?
Constantly wondering “what did I say?”
Constantly wondering “what did I do?”
All I know is that I want to be with you.
I have always loved heights, I find them thrilling
The rise and fall of a rollercoaster is so fulfilling
But this rollercoaster I am on with you
It’s not fun, it makes me feel blue
I need to know clearly what’s on your mind
If I don’t, I just end up getting lost in time
Lost in space and lost in my thoughts
Just trying to collect and put together the dots
It needs to make sense to me and it needs to be clear
So that I don’t need to live in constant fear
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