I hate it here.

I hate these goddamn witches.

I hate myself. I hate myself so much it hurts to breathe and think and move.

I hate feeling like I'm being watched. I hate hearing every thought that I think. I hate seeing myself in the mirror every morning. I hate feeling my clothes on my skin. I hate feeling the sinking.

I hate it i hate it i hate it

I want to feel something old. Something familiar. I want to go back to work. I want to feel somebody else against me.

I want to feel somebody pulling my hair. I want somebody to block out the world with their body. I want somebody to tell me they love me, even if they're paying me by the hour and they barely know me. I want someone to touch away my problems. I want to lie in a stranger's bed, the smell of cologne and smoke filling me with a sense of peace.

I miss feeling loved. I miss feeling as though I'm important. I miss feeling like someone fucking cared.

I miss Mother. I miss seeing her concerned looks when I came home. I miss her vanilla tea scent. I miss feeling her warmth as she hugged me. I miss her cooking. I miss her laugh. I miss lying to her about what I was doing. I miss hiding things from her.

If I ever get out of here, I'm going to tell her everything. Every night I've spent away from home. Every paycheck that came in the mail. Every paycheck that kept a roof over our heads. Every paycheck kept me from working five jobs. Every paycheck prevented from Yume doing everything I was.

Mother would hate me. Mother would die angry. Yume would forgive me with time. She would die with regrets. But at least I would be honest with them. I could die honestly and die forgiven, even if I was hated.

This page was found torn out of Eunan's book. The page was crumpled and ripped, left forgotten and alone - Much like how Eunan felt. Some parts are harder to read than others, but the whole story is there.