FP- (11/21/22) - ¨We´ll be in flames someday.¨

It’s funny, isn’t it?

How I could be doing anything right now, positively anything in the world. I could be paragliding right now, I could be taking my brother on a walk, I could be solving world hunger, maybe even landing a hot makeout session with some random boy in the bathroom, and maybe even be eating a bag of Potato Chips.

But, I’m not doing any of that. I’m too young to do paragliding, and I’d probably wet the harness. My brother has his own life, and his own plans. I can’t even do my algebra homework, what chance do I have at solving world hunger? All of the available boys here at school either look like gerbils or are painfully straight, unlike me. Plus, I forgot to bring a snack, again.

“Dude, stop ‘moaning and groaning’. What are you even doing, then?”

That may be what you’re wondering. And the answer is: I’m spending 3 hours after school to work on our Engineering meeting Logs, for the Robotics Club. Why? Because I have nothing better to do with my time, than that, and I’m a nerd.

I’ve always worn my nerdiness unbashfulley on my sleeve. Without ever giving a single damn about who does or does not appreciate it. I’ve never been the one to let conformity slam me in the face. Regardless of how orthodoxy has put this whole world on a thin tightrope. Regardless of how it has redefined morals, restricted the wants and needs of good people, and poisoned both the youth and the elderly.

At the end of the day, I will never choose to conform, no matter the standards. Why? Because the difference between conformity and conforming is happiness. You can guess which one is true happiness.

I’ve never been someone who has been driven by hypocrisy. This is because of the examples of hypocrites I’ve been exposed to. For example, what drives me mad is the white girls posting shit on their socials about “Inclusivity”, “to ignore the public social/racial contrast” and the old-fashioned “Be who you are!!!“. But, don’t mean any word of what the post includes. I swear, 10 minutes after the post launched, they’ll go and spit on anyone that doesn’t represent their idea of normality, bleached standards, or doesn’t sound, look or “speak like they are supposed to”.

They’ll go and squeeze their heart out. Spreading their ooze on the pale floor, for what feels like the whole world to inhale in. But, this will either break you or build you. That’s a simple truth. But, that’s barely it. I’m just happy I’m spending my time doing something that I’m passionate about, instead of gossiping about some random girl to my fake friends.

But that’s the thing. At the end of the day, I’ll always sit back and wonder that if I ever did give into conformity, would I be any happier? I’m already a miserable piece of bullshit. I always disregard the thought and go on a walk in the freezing cold, around the neighborhood, and back to my bed. Where I’ve always ended up.

Why don’t I ask you something? Because I cannot be the only one questioning my collapsing morality over a pile of meaningless words. Are you happy with where you are in your life? Do you believe that who you see in yourself today will live on forever? Do you truly believe that what you could possibly become should dictate how the world does or does not see you? Regardless if you become that alternative of yourself or not.

Does anyone deserve to be seen as a monster of some sort because that’s what their shadow foretells? I mean, why does it matter? Why does anything fucking matter? Anything you do today or tomorrow, will be forgotten? Why do we keep going? Why are we still here? Half of the people strive towards one goal, while the other strive towards others. Looking at that, what kind of accomplished goal do we hope to achieve when we leave this earth? Why am I still here? Why are you still here?

Even when, we’ll be in flames, someday.

We are all going to blow up in a gazillion years, right? Everything, everything will be gone. No one will remember you, or me. Or the one you had loved too deeply. And the one you never showed you loved enough. No one is going to remember that.

You and I won’t be there to tell the tale. Matter of fact, no one will be here to tell anyone anything. No one to your right, to your left, below or under you will be here when we all self-combust. We’re slowly driving ourselves to it anyways.

So what is the point? Is there even a point? Should there ever be one? And even though it is certain that we will all be lit ablaze someday; does it subtract or multiply the meaning of everything that will come before us and has lived behind us?

I don’t know the answer, and neither do you. Truthfully, no one does. And that’s just the thing about humankind. We will do all we can to prove that we are right and that we are “the one”. Even though all of it, all of us, will rot someday.

But hey, does that really matter either? Fuck it. Maybe we can watch this hellhole slowly cave in, together?