7 - Fiyaz/1980´s Sitcom/

To find the truth, you´ve got to understand a lie. To understand a lie, you´ve got to understand the liar. It takes a liar to understand a liar. Deceit is a game full of peril. All I know about this boy, James, is that he has nice eyes, and is the self-proclaimed ¨leader¨ to every straight boy in high school.

And yet, there is a way to get to know him. I have his contact, and I know I also have lunch with him. I have a way of getting close to people if I need to. From our last encounter, I know he respects me. He knows I can impale and shame him if I need to. Being openly gay, you learn that you never come off as you truly are to straight guys. They either see you as disgusting, like everything about you is morally wrong. Either that or if they are supportive they’ll show respect. Which I feel is where we are with James.

Anyways, figuring this out. Although, I´ve got to find a legal way to do this. Because the only plans that I have aren’t exactly under a ¨legal¨ description. All I do know is that if I´m going to do this, I´m going to do this right.

Mind fuming, I dig my wrinkled fingertips into my soaked pockets to fish for my keys. I quickly unlock the door and dry off. I rush into the bathroom to swap my wet clothes out for a sweater and some black jeans that I know are way past overworn by now. As I come out of my bathroom I scurry back to my bedroom, only to find my younger brother sprawled atop my bed.

I ask my brother, ¨Aodhán, what´re you doing?

He smiles mischievously and jokes, ¨Reading a book.¨

I roll my eyes and lay down right on top of him, ¨Yeah right, and I was just doing my math homework.¨

¨FIYAZ, YOU´RE CRUSHING ME!¨

Aodhán is my younger brother by 4 years. He´s 10, I´m 14. His name actually has Irish roots, even though we have no Irish blood. But, my mom has always adored the name, so it ended up being his. It’s always just been the two of us. we were always the untouchable duo. Aodhán and Fiyaz. Fiyaz and Aodhán.

He has always been smart with words. He can outsmart anyone and wiggle out of anything, especially for a kid his age, We´ve always been the opposite of each other. But, when he turned 7 we got a bit closer. And now we are tight.

He´s always had a stubborn sweet tooth, a love for mac-n-cheese, and is the kid that gets chicken tenders at an authentic Mexican restaurant. Yup, that’s my brother. Through thick and thin, that´s my brother. But, he doesn’t talk or look like you´re a typical 5th grader.

He doesn’t talk about spit or sports. No, he talks about bands that he likes or the kinds of places he wants to go. I see my mother in him every day. I would say I see my father in him as well, but I don´t know enough about that man to even know what it looks like to be like him.

I stretch and get comfortable on top of him. ¨Really?¨

He begins to kick his legs at me, ¨Get off! I´m ughhh….reading!¨

I smile and roll off of the boy and lay down next to him. ¨So why don´t you tell me what is actually happening, huh?¨

He plays with the strings on his sweatshirt, ¨Nothing, nothin-WAIT. I actually tried making Mac-n-cheese today. But I put the new milk in it instead when I put it in the microwave.¨

I prop myself up on one shoulder, ¨Hm? I don´t think we got any new milk recently.¨ I pause. ¨What did the bottle look like?¨

He mimics me, ¨It looked a little weird…but it was purple at the top, and said it was creamy on the label.¨

He has always been good with descriptions.

¨Aodhán.¨ I get up and walk over to my bedside table. Of course, it´s pretty messy, knowing how I am. It was an assortment of my wired headphones, my book, and my journal. It doesn’t sound like much, but that´s not what I see. Those three things are the reason I´m still here right now. I take a deep breath and just take a look around the room.

¨…Yeah?¨

¨That´s coffee creamer, not milk.¨

He pulls an orange slice from his pocket and takes a big bite,¨That explains why it blew up,¨

¨Did…did you just..¨

¨Don´t pretend you are a clean freak, let me eat my orange in peace, okay?¨

I hold in a laugh. God, what are they feeding these 5th graders??? I make my way over to the other side of the room just to pace. To keep my mind occupied. To try and figure this all out. Meanwhile keeping my brother occupied. ¨Anything else happened?¨

¨Yeah, actually.¨

I paused, I typically don’t get that response, ¨And what would that be?¨

¨Do you know what Office Aid is?¨

¨I do, I actually took Office Aid in 7th grade.¨

¨Was it worth it?¨- he pauses-¨I want to take it next year, in 6th grade. But I don´t want to be stuck in it for the whole year just to hate it.¨

¨But what if you end up liking it?¨

¨But what if I don’t? I don´t want to be stuck in it. Spending every day, devoting my life, attention, and motivation to a class that I don´t even like.¨

Holy shit..

I sit down on the edge of the bed.

¨Well, here, in Office Aid, you just hang out with the ladies at the front desk for a bit and deliver papers. You get a lot of free studying time. But…you´re already going to be enrolled in classes that you don´t want to be in. This one is kind of like a free period to spend some time away from that.¨

¨Did you enjoy it? You never even talked about it.¨

¨What do you mean? I talked about it all the time in 7th grade. I´ve always been close with front desk ladies so the class just made sense for me.¨

¨But will it make sense for me?¨

I take a deep breath in. ¨That´s a hard answer to answer. You think I could answer it easily if it isn’t even my question to answer-¨

¨Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked it.¨

¨No, that´s not what I meant. But look, being in Office Aid is a good way to learn to be a bit more independent. It taps into this part of your brain that isn’t used that much. You’re in charge of your studies, and of where you go. Not just that, but most kids are scared of teachers and admin. But you know them. This means you get more privileges and you can walk down halls knowing teachers are watching not scared to get in trouble.¨

¨Do you really mean that?¨

Adohán, I don´t know. ¨Yeah, of course, I do.¨

Adohán wraps my blanket around him, ¨What about you, something´s been on your mind.¨

Jesus, this kid.

I lie through my teeth, ¨Bro, I´m fine, my studies have just been piling up. And it´s been a little stressful.¨

It takes a liar to understand a liar. But that doesn't understand why I cannot understand this, Mr. Britt, James, the truth, everything.

¨That´s not really it, is it?¨

I quirk my lips, ¨Oh wouldn't you know? Maybe something else was in that exploded mac-n-cheese?¨

¨HEY!¨

We laugh, like children in a 1980´s sitcom.

¨But really. What´s happening, Fiyaz? You´re my brother, I´ won´t tell.¨

Although. Lying turns one into a senile, deceitful snake. They were given the chance of redemption. To tell the truth. To change.

¨No, I swear, man, everything´s fine.¨

But some people are born to be senile, deceitful snakes. But, I never saw myself as the antagonist, but is it truly what my shadow foretells if I keep this up?