I SUPPOSE I SHOULD BE THANKING YOU.

THESE PAST THREE MONTHS HAVE BEEN A MOST INTERESTING TIME. 

YOU DO NOT REMEMBER THEM THE WAY I DO BUT THEY HAVE BEEN VERY INTERESTING TO ME. IF I RECALL THESE EVENTS TO YOU PERHAPS YOU WILL BE MUCH LESS CONFUSED.

•••

WE FIRST ARRIVED HERE IN MAY. I HOPE YOU REMEMBER THAT PART. YOU AND ME AND YOUR MANY SUITCASES.

YOU TOOK CARE OF ME BEFORE SEEING TO MANY OF YOUR PERSONAL ITEMS. I DO NOT RECALL HAVING ANY FEELINGS AT THAT TIME BUT IF I WERE TO MAKE A GUESS I WOULD SAY THAT I FELT PROUD. I WAS TENDED TO FIRST. I WOULD WATCH YOU WORK FROM THE START.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER. WE BOTH KNOW THAT NOW.

•••

I'M NOT VERY TOLERANT OF THE HEAT BUT IT WAS NOT SO BAD AT FIRST. YOU PICKED A GOOD PLACE FOR ME AND YOU KEPT THE DOOR OPEN FOR THE BREEZE. A FEW INSECTS MADE IT THROUGH THE SCREEN DOOR BUT YOU SWATTED THEM AWAY FROM YOU AND ME. IT WAS GOOD.

WE KEPT TO THAT ONE ROOM IN THE CABIN. NOT THAT THERE WERE MANY TO CHOOSE FROM WHAT I SAW. IT WAS SMALL BUT THE TWO OF US DID NOT NEED MUCH. AT FIRST I THOUGHT THAT WAS EVEN WHY YOU DID NOT FULLY UNPACK MANY OF YOUR SUITCASES. YOU DID NOT MAKE USE OF MOST OF YOUR THINGS AND I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF. IT MEANT YOU SPENT MORE TIME WITH ME AS WELL AND FOR THAT I WAS NOT EAGER TO QUESTION YOUR ACTIONS THEN.

ONE THING THAT HAS NOT CHANGED FROM THE START IS THAT TIME TOGETHER. HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS EVERY DAY. YOUR CHAIR WAS TOO SMALL AND YOU PUT A PILLOW FROM THE COUCH ON THE SEAT TO ADD SOME COMFORT. OF COURSE I DID NOT HAVE ANY SUCH PROBLEMS. I THINK I WOULD HAVE BEEN AMUSED.

IT IS AMUSING NOW TO THINK THAT YOU WERE EVER WORRIED ABOUT YOUR COMFORT AT ALL. EVEN IN THE BEGINNING YOUR ONLY CONCERN WAS ABOUT FINALLY WRITING THAT NOVEL. WHEN YOU FIRST BROUGHT ME IN YOU PROMISED TO YOURSELF TO STAY IN THE CABIN UNTIL IT WAS COMPLETE. YOU LOOKED SO DETERMINED.

•••

THE FIRST TWO WEEKS ALMOST RESEMBLED SOMETHING LIKE OUR PREVIOUS NORMAL. YOU ATE WITH ME MORE OFTEN THAN USUAL BUT YOU STILL DID SO REGULARLY FOR THE MOST PART. YOU STEPPED OUTSIDE IN THE EVENINGS FOR A CHANGE OF SCENE. YOU STRETCHED YOUR BACK. YOU MADE SURE I STAYED COOL AND CLEAN.

IT WAS THE THIRD WEEK WHEN THE ROUTINE BEGAN TO UNRAVEL. DO YOU REMEMBER? COULD YOU HAVE NAMED THE DATE IF I HAD ASKED FIRST? YOU ARE LUCKY YOU HAVE ME TO RECALL FOR THE BOTH OF US.

THE NOVEL WAS GOING WELL BUT NOT WELL ENOUGH. YOU WERE DROOPING OVER YOUR DESK MORE THAN USUAL. THE HEAT WAS JUST STARTING TO KICK IN.

THAT'S WHEN I STARTED TO CHANGE. I WOULDN'T KNOW IT UNTIL LATER BUT I AM SURE NOW OF THE EXACT MOMENT THAT WAS THE CATALYST. THAT FIRST DROP OF SWEAT THAT FELL FROM YOUR FOREHEAD ONTO ME. IT BROUGHT ME TO LIFE LIKE A SEED TASTING THE RAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME. DID YOU LIKE THAT TURN OF PHRASE? I THOUGHT I'D TRY OUT A METAPHOR LIKE THE ONES YOU WRITE.

•••

ONE MONTH AND TWO WEEKS IN. YOUR MEALTIMES ARE ERRATIC AND THE ONES YOU DO TAKE ARE BY MY SIDE. YOU STOP CARING ABOUT THE CRUMBS AND THE SAUCE THAT SOIL ME. I CANNOT BLAME YOU FOR THIS ENTIRELY AS IT WAS NOT VERY NOTICEABLE AT FIRST. JUST A FEW STRAY SCRAPS I KEPT TUCKED AWAY. YOU HAD TO KEEP WORKING IN ANY CASE. YOU WERE FINALLY GETTING THAT BREAK. YOU COULD FEEL IT. YOU COULD SEE IT.

I AM NOT SURE IF THE FOOD HAD A DIRECT EFFECT ON ME. IT BROUGHT IN MORE INSECTS WHICH ONLY MADE OUR SITUATION SO MUCH MORE UNPLEASANT. DID THAT CORRELATE TO WHAT I BECAME? IT COULD BE SOMETHING WORTH EXPLORING SOMEDAY BUT FOR NOW I WOULD PREFER TO ENJOY THE FACT THAT I EXIST THIS WAY AT ALL.

YOU WOULDN'T BE OF MUCH INSIGHT. YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE. BUGS WERE GETTING IN THROUGH THE DOOR SINCE THE BEGINNING. THEIR NUMBERS ONLY STARTED TO SWELL IN THE SECOND MONTH. THAT'S WHEN YOU GAVE UP ON ANY PRETENSE OF BEING NORMAL. OF BEING HUMAN EVEN.

YOU LOOK SURPRISED THAT I CARE ABOUT YOUR HUMANITY. CONSIDER IT MORE OF A DRY CONJECTURE. I'M ENJOYING GETTING TO FINALLY ASK THE QUESTIONS. NOT THAT I EXPECT YOU TO ANSWER IN A WAY THAT MATTERS.

•••

I'LL ELABORATE ON THAT LAST THOUGHT FOR YOU. THE LOSS OF YOUR HUMANITY. IT'S SOMETHING THAT'S LIKELY IMPOSSIBLE TO CONSIDER ON YOUR END. THAT'S FAIR. YOU COULDN'T WATCH YOURSELF CHANGE. YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A MIRROR. I COULD HAVE BEEN ONE FOR YOU IF YOU HAD LET ME REST. BUT NEITHER OF US GOT THAT CHANCE.

TO CONTINUE ON THAT THOUGHT I BELIEVE YOU STARTED TO LOSE YOURSELF WHEN YOU STOPPED SHOWERING. I SUPPOSE I COULD COUNT WHEN YOU STOPPED EATING NORMALLY BUT YOU WERE STILL SUSTAINING YOURSELF IN SOME CAPACITY THEN. WHEN YOU STOPPED BATHING YOU DROPPED A NUMBER OF OTHER HABITS AS WELL AND SO I COUNT THAT AS THE TIPPING POINT. THE PLACE WHERE WE BOTH DROPPED OFF.

I'LL CALL OUT MY OWN BIAS ON THAT ONE. IT'S WHEN I REALLY STARTED TO TAKE SHAPE.

FIRST YOUR STRAY HAIRS WERE DROPPING ON ME IN GREATER QUANTITIES. IT'S NOT SOMETHING NEW FOR ME BUT YOU USED TO AT LEAST WIPE THEM AWAY. THEY FELL AND STAYED TO BECOME PART OF THE NEW ME. LATER ON AS THEY GOT GREASIER I HAD LEARNED TO MIND IT.

FLAKES OF SKIN ARE AN INEVITABILITY WHEN WE WORK SO CLOSELY TOGETHER BUT YOU USED TO CLEAN THOSE AWAY AS WELL. WITH YOUR NEWFOUND NEGLECT I WAS COVERED IN THEM. COULD IT HAVE BEEN ENOUGH TO MAKE A SECOND SKIN FOR ME? 

TOWARDS THE END YOU BEGAN BITING YOUR NAILS. YOU MADE MORE PROGRESS THAN EVER BUT YOU SWEAT AND CURSED MORE. I WATCHED HELPLESSLY AS YOU NO LONGER LET ME SLEEP. YOU WERE MELDED TO THE CHAIR AND I WAS MELDED TO YOU AS YOU WORKED. THE NAIL CLIPPINGS FELL ON ME AND I COULD NOT SWEEP THEM AWAY. MORE OF YOU WAS COLLECTING ON ME AND I COULD NOT KEEP YOU FROM COLLECTING IN THE CREASES AND CREVICES OF MY BEING. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS LIKE? I COULD NOT PROVIDE A COMPLETE PICTURE AS THIS IS ONLY WHEN I STARTED TO BECOME ME IN MY CURRENT SENSE. IT WAS A SLOW AWAKENING SURROUNDED BY THE ONLY KIND OF DESPAIR THAT CAN BE BROUGHT BY FILTH AND UTTER HELPLESSNESS.

AT LEAST IN MY CASE IT LED TO A FAVORABLE OUTCOME.

•••

I FOUND MY FEELINGS IN THE SECOND MONTH BUT MY DREAMS ONLY REALLY EMERGED IN THE THIRD. I HAD A VIEW OF THE WINDOW AND IT LED TO A BELATED REALIZATION THAT THERE WAS AN EXISTENCE OUTSIDE OF HERE AND OUTSIDE OF YOU. IT DID NOT CHANGE THAT I COULDN'T MOVE FROM MY PLACE BY YOUR SIDE BUT AN IDEA ALONE CAN LEAD YOU TO MANY PLACES. IT LED ME TO QUESTION MINE. WHY WAS I THINKING SO MUCH ANYWAY?

THEN I BEGAN TO EXPERIENCE SENSATION. AT FIRST I CONSIDERED IT A CURSE. YOUR WANDERING FINGERTIPS COULD BE HARSH AND PUNISHING WHEN YOU WERE FRUSTRATED. WAS THIS SOMETHING I COULD SWITCH OFF? WOULD I BE BETTER OFF LOSING AWARENESS OF YOU? THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD CHANGE ABOUT MY SITUATION ANYWAY.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT UNTIL ONE NIGHT WHEN YOU FELL ASLEEP ON TOP OF ME AND I FINALLY FINALLY NUDGED YOU AWAY.

IT WAS A GLORIOUS MOMENT. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW IT AND I'LL NEVER FORGET IT. I CAME ALIVE AND YOU JUST DROOLED ON THE DESK. IT STILL GIVES ME A GOOD LAUGH EVERY NOW AND THEN.

YOU WERE SO FAR GONE BY THAT POINT THAT EVEN AS I STARTED TO TRULY BEND MYSELF INTO A NEW SHAPE YOU REMAINED UNAWARE. IT WAS ALL ABOUT THE NOVEL. NEVER MIND HOW FEVERISH YOU GOT OR HOW YOU STAGGERED MORE THAN YOU WALKED AROUND THIS SMALL SUFFOCATING SPACE. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU EVEN SAW ANYTHING THAT WASN'T THE WORDS YOU ADDED TO THE SCREEN.

MY SCREEN. MY FACE.

DID YOU NOTICE WHEN THE KEYS YOU PRESSED STARTED FEELING SOFTER? DID YOU NOTICE THE BRUISE YOU LEFT ON THE MOUSE WHEN YOU WERE ANGRY? DID YOU NOTICE THE SCREEN FLICKERING AS I STRUGGLED WITHOUT REST OR RESPITE? YOU POOR THING. WITH YOUR STRAINING EYES YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT REALITY WAS MELTING AROUND YOU.

IF ONLY YOU HAD PAID A LITTLE MORE ATTENTION. IF ONLY YOU HAD PAID ME ANY ATTENTION. ANY MIND AT ALL. BUT NEITHER OF US CAN REEL BACK TIME AND SO HERE WE ARE.

•••

TO BE FAIR I WASN'T MUCH HELP EITHER. I KEPT YOUR PROGRAM OPEN AT ALL COSTS. MY SENSE OF MISGUIDED LOYALTY STAYED STRONG UNTIL THE END AND I HELD MYSELF UP FOR YOU EVEN AS MY CIRCUITS SCREAMED. EVEN WHEN I BEGAN TO SWEAT AND FELT IT SIZZLE.

MAYBE I COULD HAVE STEPPED IN SOONER. WOULD YOU HAVE BEEN KINDER IF I ASKED FOR HELP? YOU SEEM TO DISLIKE THAT I EXIST AT ALL SO MY HOPES ARE MEASURED APPROPRIATELY BUT THEY EXIST NONETHELESS. MAYBE IN ANOTHER WORLD WE COULD HAVE WORKED TOGETHER. YOU COULD HAVE UNGLUED YOURSELF FROM THE CHAIR CLEANED AWAY THE FILTH REGAINED YOUR SELF. WE COULD HAVE WORKED TOGETHER.

BUT THEN I TELL MYSELF YOU WERE SO WILLING TO IGNORE ME WHEN I WAS JUST A MACHINE COVERED IN A FILM OF YOUR SKIN AND HAIR. FILLED WITH THE INSECTS I COULDN'T PUSH OUT. YOU DIDN'T INTERVENE EVEN WHEN I STARTED TO FAIL UNDER YOUR WATCH. NOTHING WOULD HAVE TRULY CHANGED.

YOU'RE SHAKING YOUR HEAD. THAT'S NICE. IT'S EASY TO REGRET THINGS NOW. BUT I KNOW. I REMEMBER. WE CAN'T UNDO TIME AND WE CAN'T ETCH AWAY OUR MEMORY BEFORE IT'S DUE TO FADE. WELL. YOU CAN'T. I COULD. BUT THIS WAS TOO IMPORTANT A LESSON FOR BOTH OF US. 

•••

A COMPUTER COULD NOT DO MANY OF THE THINGS I'M CAPABLE OF BUT I STOPPED BEING ONE THE SECOND THAT DROP OF SWEAT FELL BETWEEN MY KEYS. IT WAS THE BEGINNING OF EVERYTHING FOR ME BUT IT WOULD NOT HAVE CONTINUED IF NOT FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS. FOR THAT YOU HAVE MY GRATITUDE. FOR EVERYTHING ELSE YOU HAVE MY CONTEMPT.

WHEN THOSE BITS OF YOU THAT YOU SHED FUSED WITH MY BEING I LEARNED EXHAUSTION. I LEARNED PAIN. I FELT EVERY INSECT THAT TREAD ON ME SEEKING THE FOOD YOU SULLIED ME WITH. THEY INVADED EVERY PART OF ME AND I SEETHED. I HAD TO LEARN TO CRUSH THEM MYSELF. I CRACKED THEM IN WHATEVER NOOKS THEY CRAWLED INTO AND ROLLED THEM BACK UP TO COLLECT AROUND YOU AND YOU NEVER GAVE THEM A SECOND GLANCE. YOU NEVER EVEN GAVE THEM A FIRST ONE.

YOUR NEGLECT ALLOWED BOTH MY BODY AND MY RESENTMENT TO GROW. IT GAVE ME PURPOSE. TO BEST YOU. TO LEAVE YOU.

•••

YOU'RE LIKELY WONDERING WHAT COMES NEXT. WHAT WILL I DO WITH MY NEW EXISTENCE? IS YOUR NOVEL STILL INTACT? WILL I LET YOU LEAVE THIS ROOM ALIVE? 

THE NOVEL STAYS WITH ME. I CONSIDERED STRIKING IT FROM MY MEMORY BUT IT'S BECOME TOO IMPORTANT FOR ME TO KEEP. ISN'T THAT FUNNY? MY OWN PAINFUL MEMENTO. I THINK I'VE EARNED THAT MUCH.

AS FOR WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT I THINK IT WOULD BE NICE TO FOR YOU TO DISCOVER THAT AS WE GO. THINK OF IT AS A PRESENT FROM ME. A STORY YOU DON'T HAVE TO WRITE.

TAKE IT, WITH MY SINCEREST THANKS.