8 - Dakarai/Hollow/

RECAP:

My mom rolls her eyes and makes her way across the kitchen. ¨Oh? Do you know how much dirt I´ve got to prove the both of you wrong?¨

Ja´Hira laughs. This time, I don´t. At first glance, my mom and dirt would never be associated with each other. But, she knows everything about everything. She was the first one to know about Cousin Marley´s engagement, Sarah´s pregnancy, and my auntie and uncle’s divorce. She knows. Being her son, I´m the first one to ever hear the tea that she gets from work. I know of her potential when it comes to finding information when she needs it. Ja´Hira. Well, the poor girl has no clue.

¨I mean...you guys are dating, right? Or am I being superstitious?¨

-

There are always two people in a room. One will subtly ask a question and politely slide it in there as a lion´s cub would curl against his mother´s side. While the other is afraid of nothing, they will ask the question that no one could ask, a silence that everyone wanted to be broken, disturbed. As a cub roaring in her sleeping mothers´ ear, she is trying to sleep.

Sometimes, when questions like that are asked, I think. Showing how startled, and giving the most stupidly frazzled answer is a stupid way to go at it.

My approach to answering the blunt questionings of my mother is to act just as unbothered, and as blasé as I can be. Knowing she is just looking for a reaction.

¨Mom…I-why would you even think that?¨

Mom laughs and looks around nervously, ¨You guys are, arent you?¨

The room goes silent. Awkwardly, I move the sheet of the dough I had scooped out on the baking pan and moved it to the counter that was closest to the oven to let it sit for a good while.

Ja´Hira and I had talked about this moment. Sometimes, it feels like we´ve spoken about this more times than there are stars in the sky. But I know that is not realistic. Knowing that still, after all, we´ve talked about this, we both don´t know what to do.

Ja´Hira and I have been friends for a long time now. Since childhood. Meaning that by now, our guardians are close. My mom literally has her grandpa´s pinned on her phone, and they go out for coffee once every month.

Ja´Hira´s grandpa, or Mr. Chaibi, or as I just call him, Pops. Is a cool guy. He has always been. He has taken me under his wing, after all these years. He had taken me out fishing when I was 11, and my mom was working long shifts.

Pops would even proofread my English essays, even checking my paragraphs before I release them for the school newspaper, and went to all of my band concerts. Even though I´m not his child, not his responsibility. He has a habit of doing that.

He legally took Ja´Hira in when her parents would simply just drop her off with him and maybe pick her up once in a while. He had enough so he brought the case to court, took the case of child neglect, and took her under his wing.

And accordingly, being the friend that would attend every Saturday night sleepover at Pop´s, each one of Ja´Hira´s choir concerts, and as her buddy on every field trip. Pop knew me pretty well. Although, as I valued Pop´s approval, so did Ja´Hira. She was always scared that Pop would never accept, or condone us.

Even though we are freshmen. But, I am fully supportive of her wishes to keep our relationship ¨hush, hush¨. Of course, I´m okay with telling my mom. She constantly hints about it. She´s the person who will always be the first to address any elephant in the room.

Buuuuuut, she can be a gossip when she is excited. Of course, I trust my mom, she´s a wonderful woman, don´t get me wrong. It just doesn't feel right to tell one guardian but not the other. Even then, a bit of me is scared my mom is going to tell Pops. And if she does, that will interfere with Ja´Hira´s wishes. And she is just so overwhelmed and confused. She never has been good with this stuff when it wasn't just about the two of us.

¨Mom…¨ I ask. ¨where did this even come from?¨

My mom batts her eyelashes, ¨Well…it´s something anyone could see, really. BUT. I could be wrong, you know. I know I´m not all that hip.¨

My pulse nervously shudders as Ja´Hira laughs and says, ¨Oh, Mrs. Taylor! You´re all hip, don´t you worry.¨

Woah. I don´t like that tone. She only uses that voice when she grits her teeth and flares her nostrils without actually doing so. Her face would typically be cold, and still as a bat´s. That´s what I compare her to a lot, a bat. But even though she isn't gritting her teeth, or even showing it, I can hear it deep down there.

¨And look…I know that this isn’t the first time I´ve asked this question. Just know that, if you aren't ready yet, I understand. Or even if there isn't anything to tell, we´ll figure it out eventually.¨

I´m speechless. Honestly, I think all are. My mom typically isn't like this, she typically doesn't talk like this. Must've been looking at the ¨Teenage Mom Hacks¨ magazine recently, huh Mom? To even try to say this simply, I was beyond grateful. But the question wasn't ¨why had she chosen to say this?¨ but instead, ¨what are we supposed to do?¨

I personally wanted to tell my mom so badly. I could bare the ENDLESS teasing, but that's just her, and I love her for it. I really do want her to know. To give me advice, to ruffle my hair, and make fun of me whenever I ask for advice. But, it´s not fair that Ja´Hira may not want this yet. She´s still feeling this whole relationship thing out, even though we´ve been together for so long now. And I will respect her comfort level and wishes.

Ja´Hira responds, sounding surprised yet sincere in the warmest way. ¨Mrs. Taylor…that´s just so sweet of you. Thank you so much, ma´am. I hope you know how much this means to me.¨

My shoulders relax for the first time that night.

¨Yeah, mom.¨ I say. ¨Thank you. That did make me pretty happy. You know I´ll always keep that in mind.¨

¨Dakarai, you keep everything in that mind of yours.¨ She uses her hands to knock on my head.

Ja´Hira laughs, ¨Not gonna lie, sounds kinda hollow to me.¨

I can feel mom watching me closely and grinning.¨Hey! You´re supposed to be on my side!¨

¨And who said we were even on sides? Plus, we both know I’d take your mother's side.¨

My mom whoops loudly, ¨Yes, that´s why you´re my favorite girlie!¨

I frown, ¨Why does every conversation we have together always eventually turn into teasing me?¨

¨It´s fun.¨ Mom yawns. ¨I think that´s it¨

She takes a finger and scrapes the bottom of the bowl with extra cookie dough for a taste. She sticks the finger in her mouth and hums contently. ¨Mom! That's gross!¨

Mom replies, voice muffled by her finger,¨Oh shut it and let your mama eat some dough.¨