Niko - Present Day

 

"RYU!" I called, running towards him: tears in my eyes.

 

I couldn't shake the words he said back then...the promise he made to me. So, why? Why did he marry Kizuna? Why did he tell me he loved me? Why did he ask me to trust him if he was just going to throw me away?

 

My heart raced, knowing this was my only opportunity to speak to him. Yet, when I saw the barrel of Ryu's gun pointed towards me, fear leapt into my throat. I stopped, confused, trying to recover my breath...only to see Ryu stand unwavering. I could barely see his eyes from the dark shade of the newsboy’s cap that clouded his face.

 

I tried to regain my strength, shaking from the unknown. Why was he pointing a gun at me? Was he warning me to stay away...was he trying to tell me to leave? How could I...how could I turn around without any answers. He was my first...he was the only person I ever gave my heart, body, mind and soul too...and I couldn't just walk away from that.

 

"Ryu...?" 

 

My voice waivered as my chest heaved, and almost because of the sound of his birthname, Ryu lowered his weapon. It seemed as if reality slapped him in the face...almost like he didn't know it was me. Was he that paranoid now...did something happen?

 

"Ryu...I...I really-"

 

"Niko," his voice cracked.

 

I couldn't understand his expression from the distance we stood apart. I wanted to get closer...I wanted him to hold me in his arms. From here...it felt lonely.

 

Ryu tucked his gun back behind him, moving his coat out of the way. He seemed taller, more defined...handsome even, but his demeanor was cold. It seemed like the last year had taken a toll on him. 

 

"You shouldn't be here."

 

"I," I mustered, unsure of what to say next, "...I'm just worried about you. I just wanted to make sure you're ok...Botan and Yahiko said you're unwell."

 

My heart was pumping so fast. I knew if I told Ryu I missed him...that I still loved him...really anything that was really on my mind, he'd leave. Yet, not hearing him respond after that, made me even more anxious. 

 

Did I overstep?

 

I looked up at him. His head was facing the ground, his hands in his jacket pockets. The awkwardness between us was killing me...it never used to be this hard.

 

"Why..." Ryu started, "never mind. I'm fine, Niko."

 

He tone was harsh...and it hurt to hear that.

 

"If that suffices-"

 

"What did I do wrong," I asked, only afterwards realizing that I shouldn't have said that. "I did everything you asked of me...I waited for you...and I'm still waiting..."

 

Ryu didn't answer, only making me wearier. I felt pathetic...nothing I said, nothing I did was going to change that he wasn't mine. Nothing I tried to do in this moment would make him come back to me, yet I found myself walking towards him anyway. I took his cap off his head, his red hair falling over his eyes. That's when he finally made eye contact with me...and when I realized he was hiding his pain. Ryu didn't cry, I never saw him show emotion...not even when we were young, but he sniffed to stop the wetness in his eyes from rolling down his cheeks.

 

I gently placed my hand on him, drawing Ryu close to me. When our lips met, it didn't feel as electrifying as it did when we made love in his suite. Instead, it felt like the end of a story...the end of something that could've been beautiful. Yet, that didn't stop us from holding each other close, from loving each other as much as we could in that moment.

 

Yet, when he parted from me, wiping my tears with his thumbs, I wished we didn't have to go back to the life outside of this alleyway. I wish we could just stay like this a little bit longer...

 

"You didn't do anything wrong," he whispered, "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry for hurting you. I never wanted to walk away from you...I never should've given you false hope."

 

His words...all they did was stop my heart.

 

"Just know...that I love you, Niko, and I always will. But, you can't see me anymore. You have to-"

 

"Let go," I finished for him.

 

That phrase almost caught in my throat. 

 

He kissed my forehead, as I felt his hands disappear from my waist. "Yes."

 

I wiped my eyes, an empty pit filling my stomach. "I...I don't know how to stop loving you."

 

His lips came down on mine, for one last time...which meant he didn't know how to either.

 

"Goodbye, Niko."

 

I didn't want to say that word back to him. I didn't know how. Instead, I watched him disappear down the alleyway as I stood in the shadows...holding his cap.

 

I felt like I lost a piece of myself...and I didn't know how I'd get it back.