"Why the fuck did you not tell me?" Drew screamed and the blond boy squeezed his eyes shut, squirming at how close the tall boy was to his face. Ryan's heart beat loudly against his chest, he had never been this scared for himself, not since when he heard his mom and dad shouting at each other three years ago. He had never seen Drew so angry, and all Ryan could think was badly he had fucked up.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me?" Drew questioned again, voice firm and eyes hard as he glared so dangerously at Ryan.

"I wanted to!"

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because!" Ryan screamed. Because I couldn't bear the thought of you dating my best friend when I've been in love with you for years! Because I could only talk to you when you asked me about Nora and all I wanted was to keep talking to you! Because I fucking like you so much that seeing you with her would ruin me! Ryan wanted to shout.

Ryan was so ready to tell Drew everything. The words were on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to tell the tall boy all about how much he had loved and wanted him for years. He wanted Drew to know that he couldn't bear the thought of him being with Nora. But Ryan knew things would get worse if he did. There was no way he could say any of that right now. Not with how angry Drew was. "Look, I know you like her and all, but as you said, you're still figuring shit out and I didn't want to rush that for you," Ryan said the lie, hating himself so much for it but going ahead anyway. "Yes, I've known for some time that she likes you but how will you feel going into a relationship when you literally know nothing about her?"

"That's still no reason for you to keep that from me. And the fact that you did makes me wonder if I can even trust you."

"Don't say that," Ryan said softly. His heart almost clenched at how hurtful Drew's statement was. Not once had Ryan given off the idea that Drew couldn't trust him and for Drew to say that just because of Nora? "Drew..." he whispered as he took slow steps toward him. He reached out to take his hand, stopping abruptly when Drew moved away.

"The fact that you never even mentioned it once when we've been hanging out for almost a month... did you even think about me at all? Did you consider my feelings?" Drew questioned haughtily, tone dripping with so much anger that Ryan felt he was going to drown in it.

This was not how he imagined the conversation would go. No, Ryan thought it would come at a later point when Drew was finally ready to seek Nora out. He never really thought Nora would have the courage to go up to the guy himself. But even then, the blond boy didn't understand why Drew was so angry. Was it really his fault that Drew didn't know Nora liked him? If he wasn't aware of how badly Ryan wanted him, there was no way he was going to find out about Nora either! And that was what annoyed Ryan.

"You don't get to ask me that!" Ryan growled lowly, trying his best to stand his ground even though his knees were wobbling and threatening to give out at any given moment.

"Yes the fuck I do!" Drew exclaimed as he stepped back, hands crossed as he glared at Ryan. "I bared out my fucking heart to you, Ryan," Drew stated. "I told you I liked your friend and you couldn't even tell me that maybe she liked me back? What the hell dude?"

Ryan breathed. "You never asked me if I knew she felt the same way. I just told you what you wanted to know. Drew I didn-"

"Or you're just a fag who wanted to get into my pants."

"Excuse me?" Ryan's eyes went wide, his mouth agape as he stared at Drew in disbelief. To hear such a word from Drew, even after they'd spent the last two weeks doing such intimate things he's never done with another person, broke Ryan's heart. He felt as though a bucket of ice had just been poured over him, as if he was drowning in the pain and hurt that the person he adored just dished out. It was as though his life was a glass wall that had just been hit with a rock, shattering into many tiny pieces and he couldn't put himself back together.

"Ryan," Drew whispered as he reached out a hand to the blond boy. Ryan blinked, his eyes moving from Drew's face to his hand and then back up, meeting the tall boy's eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, wanting to say everything he felt in that moment but for the life of him, no words would come out. He stared back at Drew's hand and shook his head, not willing to stay in the tall boy's presence any longer, let alone touch him.

"Don't," Ryan growled, glaring hard at Drew for a moment. He shook his head at the man, feeling absolutely gutted that Drew would even say such a thing to him and quickly walked past him and out of the bathroom. He stood outside the door for a moment, taking in a deep breath as tears stung his eyes. Whatever happened back there was not something Ryan had ever imagined could happen, and to have Drew of all people say that to him... He sniffed, breathing in again before making a beeline to the table where his friends were waiting.

"Hey, you okay? Took a while in there," said Nora as she looked at him with worried eyes.

Ryan stared back at his friends, pausing in his movements. He thought to tell her everything there and then, he thought to tell her that the person she liked so much and wanted to be with just happened to be an asshole. But when he remembered how happy she looked each time she spoke of Drew, Ryan shook his head, deciding it was not worth it. That Drew was not worth his time.

Without a word to either of his friends, Ryan picked up his jacket and book bag and headed straight out of Rollies, despite their protests. He knew they'd be angry with him for ignoring them, but at that point, Ryan didn't care. He didn't want to stay in that place for a moment longer. He didn't want to break down at a place where the person who hurt him would see and revel in how much he broke him.

"You're just a fag-" The words repeated in Ryan's mind all the way home, causing even more tears to spring up in his eyes and fall down his cheeks like rivers of flowing water. He wasn't sure why it hurt so much. He hadn't even known Drew for that long, but he thought this was heartbreak felt like. Not wanting his father and Dan to see him in that state, Ryan quickly rushed upstairs to his room and locked the door, managing to avoid who had just walked out of the master bedroom by just a second.

He fell face first into his bed, hugging his pillow tight as his tears flowed freely. All he could feel was copious amounts of hate toward Drew, Nora and himself. He hated that he had gotten into his head about his crush on Drew and allowed the boy to weasel his way past his defenses without so much as a hand to the chest, telling him to back off. Ryan hated that he had allowed himself to get lost in his adoration for Drew, he hated that he had allowed Drew to take his first kiss, and that he had gone ahead and experienced even more with him.

But even as he thought about it, he knew he could never hate Drew truly, not even because of what Drew had said. He liked him way too much. Ryan wished he could go back in time and change his answer about helping Drew get with Nora because if he knew it would cause him this much pain, he never would've done it.

And he hated that his phone kept buzzing in his pocket from the moment his body touched the bed. Thinking it was either Drew, Nora or Ruxie, Ryan ignored it. But after a while, it became a bit too much to ignore and he angrily pulled out the phone to take a look at who it was.

There were a few messages from Nora and Ruxie asking if he was okay and telling him that they were available whenever he was ready to talk. It made Ryan feel warm that his friends cared so much, but the guilt alone was enough for him to close Nora's chat, ignoring it completely. He took a look at the new text from an unknown number, frowning as he sat up and opened the message.

Should I say I told you so?

Or is it too soon? The text read.

Ryan narrowed his eyes. It had to be Cain, because no one else had warned him about Drew. How the hell did he get my number? Ryan wondered but he didn't ask because that wasn't quite as important right now.

What is your problem? I'm not doing anything with Drew! Ryan sent.

Cain's reply came seconds after.

Yeah right...

Is that why you walked out of Rollie's looking like someone kicked your puppy? - Cain 🤬

Ryan narrowed his eyes at the text. He wasn't completely sure why he was giving Cain the time of day, even going as far as to save his number. It was completely nuts, he thought. Just what did Cain want?

What do you want from me? - Ryan

Cain's response came in less than a minute.

I want you...

to stop lying to yourself.

Listen... I know I'm being a lil weird but I have reasons, okay? - Cain 🤬

You mean a whole lot weird.

What reasons? Ryan sent back, rolling his eyes.

You can't trust Drew. - Cain 🤬

Can you tell me why? - Ryan

Because! - Cain 🤬

Ryan shook his head. That's not good enough, he responded. He waited and watched as three little dots appeared, indicating that Cain was typing up a response but when Ryan realized he had been staring at his phone for close to five minutes without a reply from the senior, he knew that response wasn't coming soon. Sighing, he threw his phone onto the bed and stood up, deciding to go on a walk to clear his head. Going to sleep even after a shower in this state was bound to be a lost cause. And since he didn't want to drink tea again, Ryan decided that a walk was the next best thing.

Throwing on a comfortable jacket, he picked up his phone and after a while of staring at the black screen in his hand, the blond boy shook his head and put it back down on the bed. He walked out of his room, closing his door slowly to avoid being heard by his father and Dan. Ryan was ready to head out for a relaxing walk and threw his front door open, only to step back abruptly when he was met with the curious gaze of Drew with his hand up, ready to knock on the door.