Her thoughts seemed to buzz and ricochet within her mind. None of this made any sense...Blinking she suddenly heard Mrs. Eisen say,
"I'll have one of the servants come with your breakfast shortly,"
And with a loud click of the door, She was gone, leaving Cecilia dressed and standing in the middle of the room. With a rush flooding her body, she felt herself gasp, as if the oxygen in the room had suddenly returned.
'That man in the carriage! Could he truly be...'
She could barely finish her thought. Surely not...Her mother would have had at least spoken of an engagement!-But Cecilia lived a distant, hidden life from her mothers. Spending many days in the library reading, strolling amongst the gardens, drawing...She never truly saw her mother, and if she did it was in the afternoons when her mother would take tea in the parlor. But their conversations were always brief, always quiet. Her mother did not let Cecilia speak freely, only when spoken to. Which was rare, for her mother hardly spoke a word to her. They'd sit in silence for an hour as her mother sipped her tea, cooing at Prince when he'd let out a harsh bark, while Cecilia would sit quietly practicing her needlepoint. Occasionally her mother would critique her posture, her decorum, her needlepoint...But it truly never led anywhere near a conversation.
'No.' she thought, 'She wouldn't tell me. But...she must have had a wedding surely!'
Mother so did love hosting grand parties and galas for her friends and acquaintances. Wouldn't she have enjoyed the opportunity to at least announce the engagement? Cecilia's eyes widened as a sudden memory struck her.
'Mother was gone for half a season...But she said she was away visiting friends she surely could not have...'
Suddenly, everything seemed to piece together...It all made sense now.
Letting out a weary sigh, she sat in front of her vanity and gazed at the mirror in front of her. It was a simple, yet exquisite mirror, carved along its dark wooden frame were ornate foliage and flowers that twisted and intertwined together. Reaching out she ran her fingers along its grooves following its intricate floral patterns, tracing each and every flower petal. They were so beautiful…
Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, her thick brows furrowed as she reached up to her face grazing her cheek with her fingertips. She had a round face, tired coal brown eyes, a pale complexion from staying indoors reading, and black hair that always seemed to be tangled within her wavy curls.
"Such a vacant expression!" her mother would tsk, "Ladies must always greet the day with a smile Cecilia dear,"
As if hearing her mother from behind her she tried her best to smile. Yet she looked tired...vacant...practically a ghost. Furrowing her brows in agitation she stood abruptly and strode over to her bedside where she took out a small book she had hidden beneath her mattress. Sitting down she touched the engraved title.
'Hungarian Fairy Tales '
Her father had surprised her with this small book when he returned from his travels on business. It contained all sorts of fairy tales and stories from Hungary! Sometimes he'd even read her a tale or two from it when they were sitting in the parlor together as a family. She missed such days...She missed his voice... And although he spent many seasons away on business, she remembered how kind he was to her when he returned! She'd rush to him, running past her governess as he'd bent down to scoop her up in his arms.
"I have something for you little bear!" He'd say, and with a warm smile, he'd set her down and take out a small parcel for her. Though she knew exactly what it could be. He'd bring her home stories from far-off places...stories of the fae, sea monsters, and princesses...
Staring at the small book in her hands, she grieved for all the books he had given her that mother had sold off. Once he passed, Mother was riddled with fear that the Lockwood Household would become destitute. So she sold many books and furnishings including the books that her father had gifted her. Hungarian Fairytales was the only book she had accidentally saved. Mother did not allow bedside reading, for she believed it ruined one's eyesight and that true ladies had no need to read when the world was already at their fingertips. How could a lady present herself to society with poor eyesight!? But Cecilia paid no mind to her mother's beliefs, to her, life existed within the pages of those stories. She was able to explore different countries, different cultures, travel with heroes, and have adventures! Stories her mother would probably only scoff at...But it meant something to her...
Delicately flipping through one of the pages, she found a page that had one of its bottom corners folded down into a tiny triangle.
'The Wandering Needle'
She could not help but smile. It was a short fairytale about a small needle who desired to see the world. Along her merry travels, she came upon new friends, a dog, a crayfish, an egg, and a rooster. It truly was such a silly tale...yet it was one of her favorites. Father would always read this one to her when she was a child. Naming the needle Cecilia every time he read it. Telling her that she and the needle were quite alike! And that one day she'd too would go out and see the world!
Cecilia could not help but frown...she would never see the world at least not in the way she'd like.
"Ladies are to be the flowers of the household, they must stay and bring beauty to their estates," Her mother once said.
And it was a responsibility she ensured her daughter met. Unfortunately, she did not take after her mother's looks. Mother was certainly born a great beauty. She was tall, willowy, and graceful! with ivory skin that glowed and dark chestnut hair and blue eyes that glinted and sparkled whichever she turned.
Cecilia on the other hand...was quite plain. At least that is what she heard from one of the guests that attended one of her mother's balls. She heard a group of young men speak to one another under their breath as they stood in the corner.
"Pity the poor creature is not quite as handsome as her mother..." one said, taking a sip of punch.
"Her disposition does not make for much, does it? hardly smiles at all... felt as if I was talking to a brick wall," the other chuckled softly, hiding his smile behind his glass.
When she heard this...standing behind them, her heart wretched itself in knots. She knew that looks were not important-except for their character. At least that is what her father would remind her, time after time again.
"A book may indeed look worn my dearest," he'd say, "but we should not judge so harshly,"
None of the gentlemen danced with her that night except for Mr. Wald, who was an elderly gentleman.
That ball cemented how Cecilia viewed herself in the world, though she pushed this fault deep down inside of her. She wished to share her story with someone...and perhaps one day...they'd tell her theirs...despite what she looked like.
Pushing away her bitter feelings she closed her small book and slid it beneath the mattress, and it was just in time as a servant had knocked upon the door, entering with her breakfast. And just as quickly as they had entered they had left, leaving her breakfast tray upon the small table nearest to one of her small windows. Feeling how her stomach rumbled with the now dwindling storm outside, she sat down and began to eat. Her mouth salivated as she took a bite of her bread with honey.
Sitting there looking out at the rain while she ate her breakfast, she took small sips from her coffee, anticipation jittering inside her chest as she waited for the afternoon to come.
She spent her hours sitting there, looking out at the forest that swayed about in the wind like a golden, red wave. Their branches creaking. Cecilia wondered what lay beyond...what were the towns and cities like? Mother had never presented her to society despite all the other young ladies doing so...It was critiqued and whispered about by mother's acquaintances...yet her mother didn't seem to hear them nor care. She knew her mother found her to be a disappointment...so it seemed likely that must be the reason. Pouring herself one more cup of coffee she sat there as she sipped and drew in one of her journals. Sketching out a scene of golden koi fish with wings, jumping in and out beneath the forest and its autumn leaves. Such drawings she never showed to anyone! No doubt her mother would deem her mad surely...
Just as her nervousness was about to burst forth from her there was a knock at the door.
" Your mother and father are ready to see you now," Said Mrs. Eisen
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