Villainess in Love

Chapter 8

Ishid’s hands trembled slightly as he placed them on Yunifer’s shoulders.

Ishid wanted to stop before they even started. He wanted to tell her that this might go horribly wrong, that it’d be best to stop right now.

As if Yunifer could read his mind, she said, “You’re not going to hurt me. I know it.”

Yunifer laughed and shook her head, teasing him lightly.

Ishid grasped Yunifer’s shoulders with a firm grip.

“Aah.”

Thinking he might be hurting Yunifer, he was about to loosen his hold when she placed her hands on top of his, holding him in place.

“I know it scares you, but please, just give it a try.”

He wanted to just tell her “no” and call it all off, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that maybe she was right. Maybe a little bit would be okay.

Her cold hands atop his only urged him on.

“I’ll just let a little bit into you like earlier...”

“Only a little bit. That’s fine.” Yunifer said, with an encouraging look.

Ishid relaxed his shoulders..

“Only a little bit,” he whispered.

Ishid chewed on his lips, desperately begging his mana to cooperate.

The moment he shut his eyes, the fire mana that he had successfully suppressed flooded out. The mana—fierce enough to burn the snowy white walls to ashes—burned a menacing shade of orange.

“...!”

Yunifer hid her face behind her long hair and let out a quiet moan. A fiery blaze burned up each four of her snow white walls. She could feel the flames raging throughout her body; it almost felt as if she was being ripped open.

Isn’t purification supposed to be gentle? wondered Yunifer, slightly in pain.

Yunifer’s eyes tinged red amidst the relentless mana waves. There was so much heat that tears pricked her eyes.

Suddenly the relentless onslaught of mana stopped and began to slowly sink into Yunifer’s body.

The beginning may have felt like she was being stabbed by waves of heat, but the ending was far more pleasant. Warm mana washed over her heart and disappeared without a trace.

When Yunifer opened her eyes, Ishid’s were still closed.

He slowly forced his eyes open, still seeming caught up in the moment. His eyes carefully studied Yunifer’s condition, her blank expression concerning him somewhat.

His hands squeezed her shoulders.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you in any–”

Yunifer’s body suddenly collapsed onto the bed. Her face was flushed with heat.

White with fear, Ishid bent over and placed a trembling hand on Yunifer’s cheek.

“Yunifer!” shouted Ishid in a loud voice.

Still in a dreamlike state, Yunifer’s eyes snapped open in surprise.

“Goodness!” She gasped, pressing her hands to her chest in surprise. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? Did I surprise you?”

Yunifer paused before continuing.

“You have a really loud voice. You usually sound so calm, so I’d never really noticed.”

“Are you okay?” Ishid asked again.

Yunifer’s face broke into a huge smile. Still seeming lost in a dream, she grabbed Ishid’s hand.

“That felt so invigorating! Can you feel the heat in my body? Don’t I feel so much warmer now? Wow... I want that every day. It felt incredible!”

“Doing it every day wouldn’t be good for your health. Your mana would waver too frequently.”

“How about every three days then? You said it felt good too.”

Yunifer grabbed Ishid’s hands and looked up at him with shining eyes.

It was going to be hard to forget how satisfying it felt when Ishid’s mana washed away all the cold and initial burning sensation from the beginning.

Ishid was perplexed by Yunifer’s reaction but quickly came to his senses and shook his head.

“No. You need to wait at least a week.”

“Okay. Then once every week.”

“That isn’t safe either. Doing it every week would be dangerous too...”

Dangerous.

Ishid contemplated the word.

Why had he released his mana after having gone to such lengths to bury it deep in his heart? Letting it out had never worked out well for Ishid. Until a few minutes ago, that is.

This power is dangerous, I-I am dangerous. Dangerous, but... Ishid’s lips trembled a little.

“Not even once a week? Then how long do I have to wait? Ten days? Two weeks?”

Yunifer could barely contain herself while Ishid pondered quietly and ended up shaking his arm in an attempt to nag him. Her cheeks were flushed and her smile bright.

She didn’t look sick; in fact, she looked rather lively.

Ishid couldn’t bear staring at her any longer and lowered his head. He couldn’t define the emotions that were welling up inside of him.

“Why… Why are you forgiving me?”

The question was more out of self-torment than a request for reason.

Yunifer stopped tugging at Ishid’s arm and it fell limply at his side. She stole a look at Ishid’s bare neck and scratched her chin.

Is he asking why I’m not angry that he broke into my room?

That may have been what initially prompted the question, but Yunifer could tell Ishid’s thoughts were caught in something deeper and more internal.

“If you must know why... It’s such a difficult question to answer when you ask it like that. Who knows. I’ve never thought deeply about it. Maybe it’s because... I just want to?”

Yunifer knew she had to answer carefully as this would be important to Ishid but she couldn’t think of a fitting reason.

He was asking why she had forgiven something that didn’t need forgiveness.

Yunifer, who had been desperately trying to think of an answer, clenched her hands into a fist.

“I guess it’s because I don’t think you did anything bad. I wasn’t angry. It was something that happened just between us, right? So what’s the problem if we’re both okay with it? Ishid, don’t think too deeply about it. I don’t think what you did was wrong. I’ve done things that are much worse. Hah.”

Yunifer thought about what she had done two days ago and let out an awkward laugh. She had also done something really embarrassing, yet she was completely fine with it simply because he had told her it was okay.

Yunifer had always had an optimistic side to her and didn’t like to ruminate on awkward memories for very long.

“Well... the way I look at it is like this. We only live for a century or less, and so our time is precious. Shouldn’t we try to fill our short lives with joy, happiness, and good memories? Anything else seems like a waste.”

How difficult has it been to be born into this life? “Have fun! Be happy!” was the motto Yunifer lived by.

Yunifer looked at Ishid, her face full of anticipation, silently asking him to agree with her.

Ishid hesitated and didn’t nod immediately.

“Wouldn’t someone else suffer if… if I let myself loose and did whatever I wanted?”

Yunifer's eyes went wide.

What a pushover, no, what a saint! Do you know how selfish people are?

It would be easy to be taken advantage of and betrayed if you thought like Ishid.

“Are you looking to commit fraud? Do you want to scam someone out of their hard-earned money? Or is it that you just want to make me cry tears of blood? Tell me, do you enjoy tormenting others?” questioned Yunifer.

“No...” replied Ishid.

“So by suffering you mean pain that is inevitable regardless of your wishes or intentions, right? Like unintentional damage?”

“Something like that.”

Yunifer nodded her head as if she were praising a bright student.

“Okay. Let’s try a simpler example then. You went to the market to buy an apple to have for lunch. But oh! There was only one apple left. You came first but I, who arrived later, say that I want to eat the apple. If you buy the apple, I would be disappointed. What would you do in that situation?”

“I would find another apple.”

Yunifer’s jaw dropped at Ishid’s words.

Shocked and aghast, Yunifer ran over to Ishid and thumped his chest angrily.

“Why?!” she demanded.

“If you need it and I need it, then finding a second apple seems like the best option.”

“But there is a simpler way! If you need it, then you just take it. You came first so it’s yours! It isn’t your job to care whether I’m disappointed or not.”

“But I want to care.”

Ishid’s firm words made Yunifer dizzy with frustration. She took a few slow breaths before moving on to the next question.

“Fine. Then let’s add the condition that the apple is a golden apple and there was only one in the world. You cannot find a second. What would you do then?”

“I would give it to you.”

Yunifer’s jaw dropped again. Her head spun as she processed his decision to concede without even a second thought.

My god! What am I going to do with this man?!

“But why...? It’s a precious golden apple, one of a kind! Looking at it sparkling and shining each day would make you so happy. If it were me, I would never give it up! I would make it mine!”

Yunifer drew a shape of an apple in mid-air and shook it in an attempt to convey how shiny it was.

Ishid waited for Yunifer to be done with her description of the apple. His eyes were soft as he looked at her busy hands.

“Because you seem to need it more. I don’t think I need a golden apple.” explained Ishid.

Ishid gave her a small smile as if he wanted to say ‘you can have the golden apple if you like it that much.’

Yunifer could tell if she continued to describe the beauty of the apple, he would head out right now to find one for her.

Yunifer gave up after seeing that Ishid basically had a halo on top of his head.

I lose. I give up...

Yunifer, who had flung herself facedown on the bed in despair, took a moment to gather herself together.

No. She could not give up now. If she gave up now, she was certain this man would one day fall for a scam.

She sat up and took Ishid’s hand before asking him nicely one more time.

“Let’s try something different. Let’s say it wasn’t me you met at the market, but a pregnant woman. You were really craving strawberries but the pregnant woman wanted strawberries too. What would you do?”

“I would let her buy them.”

“Normally you would. But you don’t NEED to. You’re only doing it out of consideration for the pregnant woman. But it doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong if you DON’T consider her,” explained Yunifer.

“I will keep it in mind,” replied Ishid.

Yunifer looked worriedly at Ishid who was nodding without a second thought.

Ishid was a good student, but she was worried that her good student might end up listening to bad people as well.

Yunifer’s eyes trembled slightly. How in the world was this man going to survive long enough to see his old age?

It was okay to be a little selfish. But especially because she knew what kind of compulsion was forcing Ishid to act this way, his kindness worried her.

“Thinking of others before yourself is your choice, so I won’t say anything further about it. But please don’t forget one thing. Prioritize your own feelings when you think about giving up the apple. In the future, it might not be a strawberry or apple you will need to give up. It might be something very precious to you. And if you end up giving up something dear to you, you will probably feel a lot more than just disappointed. I hope you don’t overlook that.”

Ishid stared at Yunifer, deep in thought.

Then, he asked Yunifer in a tentative voice, “Would that be okay? Would it be okay to have the thing I desperately want even if there is only one of it in the world and everyone else wants it too?”

Yes! He finally got it!

Yunifer looked at Ishid with a bright expression on her face.

“Of course it would be okay! That’s how humans are. We’re all selfish and live for ourselves. Everyone is like that, so it doesn’t mean you are particularly bad for wanting something for yourself.”

Yunifer wished that Ishid would finally stop hating his younger self.

Being born was not a sin. It was not his fault that his mother was a wind mage, and that she could not physically handle her baby’s power and fell ill after his birth. Nor was it his fault that he had longed for his mother’s embrace, not knowing how much she’d suffered.

And as for his father’s curse—it was said that he regretted Ishid’s birth because his wife had died in burning pain—well, that was not his fault either.

It was just how he was born.

She wanted to tell him that he was not bad, and that there was nothing wrong with him.

But I can’t steal Raelle’s role!

These were all Raelle’s lines.

Yunifer just wanted to ease Ishid’s pain somewhat. Just freeing him from the nightmares of the night where his mana had exploded and burnt his mother to ash would be enough.

“Could you refill this? I used it all up.”

Yunifer held out the depleted crystal she’d kept in her pocket toward Ishid.

“Did this help you at all?” he asked as he took it from Yunifer.

“Very much so. You don’t even know how many times I called your name—Ishid! Ishid! You saw earlier, right? I mutter your name even in my dreams!” exaggerated Yunifer as she shrugged her shoulders.

Ishid’s eyes shined brightly—he could not hide his happiness.

He stroked the white crystal with his hands softly.

“It seems I chose a good word.”

Fssh!

There was a small sound as a minute whirlwind of fire melted into the crystal and the color deepened to a rich orange shade. The hot air from his mana rustled Ishid’s hair before brushing past Yunifer’s cheek.

“I will refill it for you whenever you use it up,” whispered Ishid happily, his half-moon eyes crinkling with joy.

He looked so happy even though he was basically volunteering his labor for free.