I lay silently in my bed. The tears have run out. My throat is hoarse from screaming and my eyes feel bloated, ready to bulge out of my skull. My mind isn’t even spiralling anymore. I’m completely empty.

Then my phone starts ringing. It’s stopped before I can reach it, but that doesn’t matter. The only think I can think of is that it’s Abby. I need to call her back now, before she changes her mind and blocks me again. I’m going to grovel, apologise again, beg even. I need her in my life.

But as I see the missed call, I notice it wasn’t Abby. It was Anna.

I don’t think it’s weird that Anna would let the phone ring twice and then hang up. Her phone is a pre-paid. She wants me to call her back.

The weird thing is that she called me at all. We’ve exchanged phone numbers months ago, but she’s never called me before. Is she in trouble?

If so, why call me?

Because I’m the only one with a phone. I realise.

Well, except for Ogon, but who’d call Ogon when they’re in a pickle?

I call her back, preparing for drama. At least she called me. That’s something. I can be of use. I can be good. I can be wanted.

A new energy runs through my veins, fuelling my system.

To my complete surprise, Anna picks up with a cheerful tone.

“Hi Ravi!” She enthusiastically calls out through the speaker. “You’re probably in school, but if you’re planning on dropping by later: we won’t be there! Joshua has found us a home!”

This is so unexpected, I have to take a moment to digest just what she’s saying. “They assigned you a place to live?” I manage, failing to hide my complete surprise.

“No dummy! We’re taking one! You know Josh has this new friend Alex. He lives in a squat with his mates, but they’re being evicted this week, so they were looking for a new place. Now they found one, and it’s big enough for all of us! We’re breaking in there right now! Jasmine and I are going to be the lookout! Oh, it’s going to be so much fun!” She all but yells.

“They’re breaking into a house?”

“No! An industrial building. It’s at the Heezerweg, the part where they’re going to tear everything down. But the project has been delayed with all the shortages, so it’s going to be empty for at least six months. There’s offices that everyone can use as their own room, and downstairs is a big cargo area where we can throw parties, since there aren’t any neighbours anyway! It’s going to be WILD!”

I’m trying to process everything she’s saying, but one thing stands out. “Isn’t squatting illegal? Won’t you immediately get evicted?”

“No!” she happily smiles again. “We’ll just have to keep it on the down-low for three days. Make sure we make it into a living space before then. Take pictures for Instagram and whatnot. Then, when they come to evict them from the former squat, we put everything online as proof we’ve been living here instead. Then they need to get a judge’s order to evict us. But since it’s going to be torn down in a couple of months, they probably can’t before then. They won’t have a good enough reason to disturb our habitation rights! Alex and his boys have it all sorted out!”

It's hard to reason with her ecstatic optimism. And I don’t know enough about this shit to really make a point anyway. “Good for you!” I cheer. Because what else can I say?

“Yeah, so you should totally come and see us. We’re going to have a little party tonight to celebrate!”

“I can’t. I’m grounded.” I instantly reply. Then I realise I’m not just grounded. I’m most likely dead. The dread creeps up on me and starts to take hold of my heart again. I feel my throat tighten at the thought of speaking to my parents.

“Too bad man. Well, come find us when you can!” She cheers, before hanging up.

I stare at my phone, then look up the building she mentioned on Google maps. I am curious what they make of it, but I can’t help but feel some sort of looming dread over all of this. I wonder why. I should be happy for them.

As I scroll through my phone it vibrates again as a call pops up. It’s my father.

Oh shit.

I stare at the screen and don’t pick up. I’m supposed to be in class. How would… Oh God the school called him already.

“Dad?” I answer meekly.

“Ravi Riemersma, where on earth are you?!”

“At school?” I try. It doesn’t sound convincing in the least.

“Don’t you DARE lie to me son! You’re not at school! Your school just called. Said you assaulted a teacher! ASSAULTED A TEACHER! And apparently, you’ve been absent about 20% of your classes for the past months too. Now let me ask you this one more time: Where. Are. You?!”

The rage in his voice thunders from the speaker. It’s worse than I ever thought it could be. It scares me shitless.

“At home.” I squeak, tears already bubbling up in the corners of my eyes again.

“Stay put. I’m coming there to get you RIGHT NOW!”

I’m shaking as he hangs up. My hands trembling in sheer panic. I want to hide, I want to kill myself before he gets here, I want to…

I jump up from my bed, run to the closet and pack some clothes and underwear. Then I race to the attic and get a sleeping bag, an air mattress, and a pillow. I rummage through the drawers in my parent’s bedroom and find my new phone and earbuds. I take some water and food from the kitchen, and while I’m at it, stuff a bottle of gin in my bag. They won’t miss it. Then race out of the house with three heavy bags, slap everything on my bike and get the hell out of here.

I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, but I damn well know where I’m going. And I’m gonna need everything I can get my hands on to placate the hippos. Because I’m never going home again.

***

I arrive at the place with my mind still reeling. I can’t believe I’m doing this. But it feels like the only thing I can do. So that means I must pull though in my determination. Make myself useful. Maybe I can help them with stuff.

I spot Anna and Jasmine standing awkwardly in front of the abandoned building. They’re not inconspicuous at all, but I guess two red-cheeked sixteen-year-old girls standing on a street chatting anxiously may not attract any police attention anyway.

“Hi.” I say, my voice hoarse but steadied my newfound courage.

“Ravi!” Anna squeals. “I thought you wouldn’t come!”

“Well, I’m here. You said there’s room for everyone?”

“Yeah but.” She hesitates. “Those bags… Are you…”

“Yeah.” I say. “I’m joining you.”

“Oh great!!” Jasmine throws her arms around me. “Good to have you here!”

“But didn’t you have parents that care about you?” Anna asks me, her expression suddenly hesitant.

“Not anymore.” I say, solemnly. “So, where’s the action? What can I do?” I ask, to keep myself from falling into the pit of despair that is my heart.

“The guys are around the building, through the alley. We’re the lookout.” Jasmine chirps proudly.

“Good job.” I tell her. Then I make my way over though the alley, where I indeed find Joshua, a brown-haired scruff bearded dude in his twenties who I’ve seen with Josh once and gather is Alex, and a black guy with dreadlocks I’ve never met before.

I greet them in hushed tones, because I’m not sure how much of a stealth situation this is.

Apparently not so much, because Joshua greets me with enthusiasm and surprise.

“You’re early for the party, Ravi. We’re not in yet.”

“I’m not here for the party. I’m here for the long haul." I say, indicating my bags.

“Holy shit!” Joshua exclaims. “Did they kick you out?”

“Yeah.” I confirm. Maybe it’s not the exact truth, but if would’ve been if I had waited around. And then I’d probably be here without my new phone and with the shit beaten out of me. My dad never did that before, but there’s only so far you can go before a person snaps, and I’m pretty certain I’ve reached that threshold.

“Damn, that’s shitty. I’m sorry about that. Excellent timing though. Do you want to help?”

“Just tell me what to do.” I answer.

“We can’t just bring anyone in.” The unfamiliar guy speaks sternly.

“This is Ravi, and I trust him.” Josh says. A warm feeling envelops me as I hear that.

It’s not enough. The black guy is opening his mouth to start another argument, but Alex steps between us, looking me up and down like inspecting cattle.

“Can you climb?”

“Yes.” I immediately say. I don’t know why, but I’m determined enough to say yes to anything at this point.

“Are you high right now?”

“No.” I answer, instantly proving to myself I'm not actually saying yes to just anything. What a weird question though. Who on earth is high at 10.30 in the morning?

“Okay cool.” He nods. “Get up on the roof and go help Fuzz break in. We’ve managed to dislodge a window, but he was the only one of us who’s small enough to fit though, and he’s fucking wasted. See that he doesn’t kill himself, then get in and open a door downstairs. Preferably the shutter in the loading dock. That’s the biggest, and it’s out of sight.”

“You can’t seriously include this kid…” The man with the dreads starts, but Alex shuts him down. “Right now we’re trusting a 15-year-old idiot on ketamine to do the job. I think this one is infinitely more suitable, don’t you say?”

“No, you’re right.” He shakes his head. “This one’s on you Josh.” He adds.

Alex looks at me, his blue gaze serious as hell. “Ready?”

“Hold my bag.” I say, shoving my backpack in Joshua’s arms.

That sounded cool. I feel cool. I can do this.