I didn’t realize we made it to the venue. I do have a tendency to zone out when I think too much. I hastily take off my seat belt and get out of the car. While I do anticipate seeing the wedding happen, I grimace over the location—a church. My family is Christian, so it’s understandable that it would be held in one. I just don’t remember the last time I went to a church. I believe in God, but I don’t like going to church; I don’t have any good memories of it.

Now that I am out of the car, I can see my mother struggling to walk. Seeing her like this saddened me. “Mom, don’t you have a walker?”

“I don’t like using it. I’m not that old.” She’s stubborn as always.

“It’s not a matter of age. It’s about healing. If you don’t use something to support yourself, you’re going to strain or hurt other parts of your body.”

I feel like she’s gotten more stubborn, yet she’s not as stubborn towards me anymore. I can only let out a sigh as I reach my hand out. “Mom, I’ll help you.”

The sky was a dark blue, hence there was light; I could see my mom’s expression. She seemed rather touched about my actions. “Kwak Eugene, you’ve grown so much.”

Her words sparked embarrassment within me. I’m not used to being teased by others, even with my parents. Frustration welled up within me, compelling my brain to reject her teasing. “I’m already twenty-five. I should do at least this much as an adult and as your son.”

Mom quietly held onto my arm and the two of us entered the church with Dad and Jay. Our first goal was to see the bride. Dad called Eura to ask where she was; after telling us her location, we went there.

The moment the door opened and I laid my eyes upon Eura donned in her wedding dress, I was quite mesmerized. I’ve never been to a wedding so to see my sister having one and dressed up for the occasion felt surreal. She was pretty like an angel, but it also made me wonder how my possible future wife would look like in one; I know that she’d look prettier than Eura.

Eura had a huge smile on her face; she rarely made those in the past. Her husband-to-be is a good person; I’ve only met him once but I knew he was a good person when I had laid eyes upon him.

I envy her. She is basked in light and is able to move forward in her life. I am drowning in darkness, unable to move. She has someone she wants to be with forever while I am alone. I don’t think there will be anyone for me.

“Dear, let’s go meet our soon-to-be in-laws.” Dad said as he took Mom’s hand and left the room with her and Jay. I was about to follow them before Eura called out to me.

“Eugene, wait!”

“What is it?”

Eura furrowed her eyebrows as she asked me, “Are you happy?”

That was an unusual question for her to ask. Am I happy about what? Her marriage? I’m happy she’s getting married. “Yes.”

She does not look satisfied with my answer. “You don’t look happy.”

Perhaps, her question was not about her marriage. Is she asking me about whether I am happy overall? I already know the answer to that. “I’m not happy.” It’s the truth. I’m a sad sack of rotting flesh unable to find myself happiness and choose to adjust to the place I am trapped in. I’m someone unable to bask in light. I already discarded thoughts of happiness from my life.

Eura then said, “You’ll find happiness.”

I scoff at her words. “Impossible.”

“You will! I was able to find happiness, so you can too! I’m sure there is someone out there waiting to become your happiness…your light…I’m confident you’ll find them someday.”

Eura had a special power to compel me into believing in her words. She was always someone like that. No matter how much I want to believe her, I can’t.

“I’m sure you already realized it by now, but Mom and Dad regretted how badly they treated us, which is why they’ve become more accepting.”

I know that. Why are you telling me this? Do you want me to forgive them? I know that they have moved on, yet I cannot.

“If you’re wondering why I am asking you this, it’s because I want you to be happy.” It was as if she could see through me. She always had that gift of perception—being able to read people easily. It made me feel weak. The boundaries I put on to distance people out of my life is crumbling the moment her presence is near.

I want to be happy. How can I achieve this? How long will it take? All I can do is hope that one day, her words will come true—that there will be someone out there willing to save me from this darkness. That person will cross over the boundaries I have created and become the path to happiness.

The true me, the one behind the boundaries, is nothing more than a crybaby. After meeting with Eura, I remembered nothing else from the wedding ceremony; everything was a blur from all the tears I was shedding.