Sleep, Eat, Shit, Repeat. Nil frowns. Finally a step ahead into the undreamt space, the origin that is. A step further they can return to.
Nil: Sol is still too fragile. We should return him to a less critical set.
Sin: He won’t take what comes next well. I guess we should stabilize and harden him slowly.
Nil: The infinity awaits. The darkness, the void. How is this ever going to be any easier? The two of us did quite well.
Sin: We lost our bodies. Well, at least I did, you seem to suffer a more severe misfortune. I know, I am only tolerated on this very misguided odyssey, but don’t you think, if he doesn’t see where this is going, he might repeat the mistakes that have brought him here?
Nil: A person not knowing their past is doomed to repeat their mistakes, for sure. But Sol is already accepting his difference from his embodiment. He is more than just one person and soon he might become a multitude of personalities.
Sin: Nonsense. He will lose his mind like the last.
Nil: Didn’t lose his mind either. Lost his use and purpose, but not his mind. We failed him. Very unfortunate. He was determined.
Sin: To his own agenda. To his own good. I prefer Sol anytime. Closer to himself without neglecting his human nature.
Nil: The very bodily parts?
Sin: The social part. Proximity. Intimacy. The other just used people, they have no worth of their own to him. They just serve.
Nil: Sol serves others for their own good and himself. He is special indeed.
Sin: But unavoidably lost to us, if we can’t keep him from shattering.
Nil: Maybe you can do your part by stopping to push him to relentless hook-ups.
Sin: It is from deep inside him, what he would hold back with you. I enable him to vent.
Nil: Some pressure is needed and can help himself adjust to more dreaded sets.
Sin: We could stabilize him with a more rejecting set.
Nil: And you will hold back and let him sort this out?
Sin: Won’t promise too much, but I will try to support.
Nil: That is quite reflective of you.
I shoot up and sit in my bed. Alone. Just a second ago I would have sworn I felt the warmth and… more parts of Junior. Another set. It is early. Another time, another city. My body doesn’t feel too rested and my orientation is completely missing. Just one thing is like every morning. My memory of the conversation between Sin and Nil fades faster than any dream.
Sol: Do I always have to wake up lonely? Is that kind of a rule I missed in the fine print?
Sin: Quit ya bitchin’! Gotta chop some wood, don’t we?
I am too tired for that. If it isn’t too massive of a trunk I choose to undo the reason for it.
A shower and a look in the mirror somewhat makes up for the disappointment at my arrival in this set. An even more handsome version of Anders. Flashy eyes, stylish haircut.
Sin: The appearance of a hunter.
Sol: But I am all alone again.
Nil: Remember the precondition for a set for the three of us to be able to switch sets?
Sol: I can’t recall. It is all so far away. I’m just happy I am out of that little body.
Nil: That little body has more capacity in the head than this unit.
Sin: Smarts or sex appeal. No real decision.
Nil: Unless you have the smarts. Don’t worry Sol. I will take care of the important stuff. You just try to learn.
A moment I feel clouded but then Nil is gone and I feel lighter. My mind is lifted, did he suppress my memory or is he simply using up the capacities? Is it maybe this simple?
Sin: The mind is a tricky thing. It can be worked like muscle but then there also seems to be a predisposition. Can never be too sure what the reasons are. You could also be preoccupied with something going on under the very surface of your consciousness.
I cannot recall where I came from, it fades like some overdue headache finally leaves the brain. But I can tell the precondition for our visits in alt sets now. No family and no descendants. It all has to end with this existence.
Sin: A singularity of some kind. Being into men is not a necessity but it makes much things easier… for you that is at least. I would prefer some more… variety.
There is a very short moment I can share his desperation. He indeed is darkness. But it is more like a moment of shock and then it is gone. I am not sure if Sin is more of a monster or a wounded animal on the run. Both are dangerous in their own right.
Sin: Get that booty going. As far as it gets you.
This Anders works at a club and does… everything, support for the barkeeper, gathering trash and cups and whatever else needs to be done. Mostly it is cleaning up behind the guests. He likes the easy life without commitment or responsibility.
Sin: I like him already. Lots of sex?
Sol: Not really, occasionally. Seems like Nil is keeping him busy, some boring workout routine and a diet obsession. A good part of the emptiness.
I somehow feel more and more disconnected to this version of Anders as he does too much for his looks.
Sin: Jealous? Still in the perspective of the little horndog?
Sol: Possible, but then again, I start to take an outside perspective of myself and things. Could also just be me judging before settling in.
Sin: Well, we can change that for sure, if you like.
Sol: Maybe Nil has chosen him because of his loneliness. I dare to say he is more like me than I’m willing to admit.
Sin: Depressing, isn’t it?
Sol: At least he is a feast to the eyes.
Sin: Good starting position for anything. He will be a perfect addition to our team.
Sol: If anyone is depressing, I’d say it is you and me.
Sin: Quite the charmer, aren’t we?
I stretch smoothly. A nice and very well built body in good shape. I am definitely really jealous. But at the same time, I am already a bit sorry as I will not train for a second. I’ll try to keep the diet though.
Sin: We will see about that. It’s about time we show up at work. It is getting dark and we can have a wonderful view on our way there.
Memories fill my mind of my workplace. It is close to the spaceport and part of the entertainment district. It is closer to the surface. This planet has no atmosphere and so the whole colony is a giant structure that is embedded into the surface. The deeper into the depth the safer. But after more than a hundred years everything is quite settled and stable. Only minor eruptions and earthquakes, no big incidents for more than 10 years.
Might have something to do with the end of the mining. The really rare resources are spent and the only reason for the continuation of this quite big settlement is being the doorstep to some other star systems about to be exploited. Last stop before the final frontier. Many colonists wait here for their ships or give up their dreams and stay or leave for their origin system. The last colony ships Anders has seen were starting last night as part of a bigger convoy. Impressive ships posing their purpose. But nothing for him.
I can relate to that as I am on my own frontiers, not yet ready to struggle with daily life in an unknown environment. I dress up for work and make my way to the highway. It is less lively there and it is mostly used for its view. After nightfall it shows the full beauty of the universe and the endless stars twinkle in competition to each other.
But the night is cut out of my vision as the spaceport lights up and several ships start violating security protocols. The monitors, normally dimmed low to let the view sink in, also wake up and show an emergency transmission:
“Colony fleet in despair - - - unknown incident destroys two thirds of fleet - - - leaves rest crippled”
As everyone else I am dumbstruck and stop my walk.
Sin: Is this how it is supposed to be?
Nil: Something’s wrong. Very wrong. We have to be careful.
Sol: What does that mean?
Sin: It means, we don’t know what’s comin’ for us. Except for excitement of course.
Nil: Don’t worry, we will find a way out.
Sin: Of course. As always.
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