I realize I am holding my breath and that I am able to help. The sky is filled with starting ships. But also with the first landing ones. Some bigger ships make their dive towards the main hangar. It is one of the larger colony ships. It is quite damaged and struggles to land safely. The ground vibrates followed by a delayed shock after the touchdown.
Nil: Go. Help those people.
Finally I break free from my hesitation and run towards the space port. I am followed by others. I check on my wristband how many people are onboard. Over ten thousand. It was the least damaged ship that took in as many people as it could maintain before heading to the next port. Us. I directly register as an accommodation host. For one person. The couch will have to do. I sigh. At least no work today.
Sin: Plans were different. But plans change all the time.
Sol: Right. What else can I do?
Nil: Volunteer some more.
I find myself in line already. But my qualification is too low to really help. So I hand out water bottles and food, gather the trash. It is almost like I’m working but with more… how should I put it, responsibility? Another thought crosses my mind.
Nil: Indeed. What is able to change things? Even we cannot really change the course of a set. But yet it happened.
Sol: Are we to blame?
Nil: Unlikely, but I can try and check.
Sin: Instead of worrying you should try to focus on your task at hand. Make the best out of it. We might have caused it unintentionally, so what? What we do now counts more.
Nil: Sin’s right. Gotta give it our best.
Easier said than done. How can someone… anyone excel at distributing water? I sigh and continue. It is quite exhausting to care for so many people. But at least I am not alone and neither are they. It is very hectical and I don’t have any idea or an overview over the situation. But someone catches my eye. He seems not only distant but also further away. Like an optical trick.
I head over to him, keeping a bottle and a ration to myself. “What?”, he greets me aggressively. I wonder if any psychological help is around. “I just…”, I try to explain myself. “Need no pity”, he cuts me short. I snort, unbelieving: “Don’t worry. You may look like some pile of shit but I just thought, kill the hunger and the thirst. Might be another person. Maybe I was wrong.” I hand him both nonetheless and turn on the heel.
He is not that attractive to take his bad mood without reaction. I return to the supplies and take as much as I can handle. I return to the now chewing moody guy: “Just in case one isn’t enough to…” I swallow my sarcasm as I register tears running down his cheeks while he’s is stuffing the small bar into his face. I put down another bottle and a ration and leave him alone.
Sol: I have too much of a temper. That’s worrisome. I just need to concentrate on the task at hand.
Sin: Don’t worry, I bet he’s been through more than just a bad mood. You could have triggered the meltdown, but better he lets it out right now than later. He will get help.
I try to make sure of this. But everybody is busy. Gotta trust they know what they are doing. And I am a lot kinder to other people and way less intrusive. The task at hand is nearly endless, though many known and unknown faces lend a hand. As I return to the supplies once more I see the moody guy again.
Hours have passed and I am on my last round before heading home. He looks worse but he seems engaged in returning the favor. I step close to him: “Enough. You’re comin’ with me. Gotta sleep on the couch, but who said life’s fair?” I scan his bracer with mine. “Adopted me, huh?”, his smile is fake as shit. “Let’s go before I can regret things. You need to clean up and sleep. We return here in seven hours. Maybe eight. I am sooo beat.” I sigh and lead the way. “Thanks”, he says silently. “Don’t mention it. Had my share of rough nights”, I reply softly. What I don’t mention is, none of them in this set… yet.
Sin: Linear thinking won’t solve this.
Sol: Were we supposed to solve this?
Sin: I was talking to Nil.
The way isn’t that long but feels like walking to another world. “I didn’t catch ya name. I am Anders”, I open the door to my small apartment. It is not really inviting. It is very small. I have just one room and hardly any free space. “Sorry for the mess, I forgot to…”, I apologize. “As if I care. I will survive this. Name’s Nanth”, he gladly takes the couch and I jump into my bed after losing my shoes and some clothes. “Night”, I mumble and almost immediately fall asleep. Dreamless to my relief. But I wake up to sobbing and sniffling.
I sit up and take a leak. I sit on the couch and hand some water over to him: “It’s okay. Just a shoulder to cry on. Wish I had one, when I needed it.” He pushes me back and I hand him the water instead. He drinks hastily and goes taking a leak too. He returns and sits next to me. He fiddles with his hands in his lap. “Go back to sleep”, he finally whispers. I get up slowly: “Won’t tell anybody. I am around if you need me.” He breathes heavily and I smile though I know it’s too dark to see it. I stretch and yawn and lay back in my bed. Something keeps me awake.
“Do you sometimes wish to be someone else instead?”, he asks tiredly. I have to suppress a snort. “Who doesn’t?”, I simply reply and try to come up with something more helpful. But nothing wants to fill the gap that is growing unpleasently long. “I lost my family, friends and colleagues. They simply vanished into the void. The event horizon of whatever happened to the spatial window, we were going to pass through”, he sighs heavily.
I get up, trip over something before I sit next to him. It takes him ages to finally give in and take my shoulder to weep. It doesn’t take long and my shirt is well drenched in tears and snot. Unsure I take it off and hand it over. “No worries, it’s just a piece of fabric”, I assure him and he doesn’t hold back. I lay my arms around him. “Why me?”, he mumbles under sobs. “We’ll never know. The question is not why we survive, it is what we make of it”, I repeat the endless answers of Sin and Nil.
He calms down a bit and falls asleep worn-out. I cuddle up into my blanket and fall asleep once again. I have weird and confusing dreams this time. Or are these memories of the future? He and I get best buddies, sharing most of our time while he recovers. With time flying by he gets comfortable with closeness though it isn’t sex. Not at all.
I can’t recall since when we share my room, it may be weeks, months or even years.
Sin: Seven weeks and your brain capacity already thinks in aeons.
Sol: Thank you.
As I open my eyes, Nanth is already up, still suffering from insomnia. He works in the same club I do. It is more for recovering than really working. He needs a daily routine. Not my idea though. I turn to face the other direction as he leaves the bathroom. “Mornin’”, he says shyly, “need to do laundry. Out of… well everything.” I cover my head with the blanket. “Not doing it again”, he pouts.
I grumble: “I am not even awake yet. Can I have a few more?” I can feel him sitting at the end of the bed. “My towel is coming off”, his serious tone is not really waking any interest. Have seen him naked once or twice. Nothing to die for. He’s more like a brother anyway. He hits me with the wet towel. Not much force, but enough to really annoy me. “Stop it!”, I half heartedly exclaim. He quickly puts on the towel. “It is your turn”, he insists. He is older but he seems to be the younger brother in our relationship. I get up burdensome. “Just please shut up, will ya?”, I beg and he simply nods, drops the towel on the floor with a devious smile and starts to dress. I try to do the same but without a towel or smile.
Comments (0)
See all