“Why do you let me stay?” Nanth asks, confused. “Because I like you”, I sigh worried. “But why? I am a pile of sorrow. A never ending stream of tears. A spacewreck like the tantalizing husk of now debris around the sun.” I have to admit, I even like his way of putting things into words. The remains of the torn colony ships scattered around the sun while falling into the center of the star system. “You are quite colorful in your depiction of tragedy”, I admit. I have to give him that, his confusion is mesmerizing. Is this how falling in love felt when I was able to?
“What do you want from me?” he asks intently. “Your well being. Not for me but for you. I know, I cannot demand this from you, but I beg you to consider it. I will be right here and wait for your decision for it”, I insist as carefully as I can. I am in no way considerate with this. I should give him some time and maybe even let himself decide but I don’t see it happening any time soon. I do not trust in people making good choices.
He is giving me an estranged look. “You do love me, don’t you?”, he asks with certainty. “I don’t care”, I reply instantly without any thought to it. He sits next to me. “I can’t… I…”, he tries to react. “I would like to care about it”, I quickly add. Silence fills the room. He doesn’t cry and he doesn’t look very angry. He is as much at a loss for words as I am.
“No sex”, he states. “Fine with me, I don't find you physically attractive anyway”, I admit. “You just say that to hurt me”, he snaps back. “Maybe”, I can't hide a smile. He smiles reservedly: “I mean it, won’t happen.” I nod: “Understood. Don’t worry. I am just the shoulder to cry on. When this is all over, you will leave and that is fine with me. I don’t cling to life. It clings to me.” He musters me with all his attentiveness: “Stop being cheesy.” “Stop being whiny”, I sigh, “some things are not going to happen.” His smile grows wider. It is made of desperation: “Can’t love you back right now.” “Would be insane. Don’t even try. You grieve, you process and I try to help. Try to… whatever I can do… mostly not step on your toes, I guess.” He agrees after considering.
Time seems to wait for us to move on. It is our day off from work together. Instead of leaving this small apartment behind and getting some food or exercise we just sit there holding each other.
“I hate to bring it to you, but I can feel your stomach growling”, I share my observation. “Great, I thought it was yours. I’m sorry.” Nanth shies away. I get up and need to move my feet. “I can go and fetch something… if you don’t wanna come along with me”, I offer my services. He shakes his head: “I need to get out of here too. I feel like I am a statue or something. I am very stiff.” I completely understand what he means and we tag along. He stares through the sky windows. It is just darkness as everything is brightly illuminated. This seems to calm him. Space is far away.
After an uneventful but very satisfying meal he looks way more relaxed. “I do really like you back. Like family”, he hesitates and adds, “very close family.” I just shrug: “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine and I will be.” He gets up: “Don’t be too sure about this.” “...someday…”, I mention it casually. He turns around and raises an eyebrow as if he wasn’t sure he heard me correctly. I simply shrug again.
We take a stroll under the sky windows and I make sure that we are not heading towards the spaceport. “I wonder what this colony was once good for”, Nanth observes the structure plan we just passed, “it looks like a mining facility.” I stand next to him, the plan is old and outdated: “It most probably was, but now it is nothing more than a step towards further systems. We have quite big storage capacities as we store nothing else. But instead of being a trade center we just store stuff for resupply and repairs. At least that’s what I know of.”
It is relatively quiet and not many people are walking this hallway beneath open space. The inner shell of this city is where the high society gathers and it is way more vibrant though not everyone is welcome, I’d guess Nanth would be.
“What is your story?”, he asks all of a sudden. I stumble out of surprise and bewilderment. “My story? Well, I was looking…”, I start but he cuts me short: “Yeah, I know that part, but what keeps you here? And where are you from? The longer I come to think about this, you seem more and more mysterious to me.” “Well, what do you want to know?”, I reply a bit annoyed.
Nil: Listen to him, he asks the interesting and important questions.
Sol: So I am not here for him but him questioning me?
Nil: You are a bit lush as this place is. Quite the match, isn’t it?
I take a deep breath and start to retell what I remember of this set’s life. “I grew up in a maturation chamber, my whole family is long gone and their contract with the facility I was made in was canceled as their enterprise went bankrupt and everything was terminated. Their last will was my gestation after everything else ended and so I came to life." “That is the most horrible story I have ever heard!”, Nanth exclaims.
Sol: Is it?
Nil: Depends, but another good question, you’re getting there.
Sol: You gotta be freakin’ kiddn’ me!
“What is so horrible about it? I had everything I needed, it is no more and no less real than all of this. I learned way more than you might think”, I try to explain calmly. “But how can anyone expect you to be socialized?”, he inquires. “I wasn’t alone. I was with the others. Most of them were there while getting new bodies”, I recall, “and when I hit puberty I left anyway.”
He looks at me concerned and in disbelief: “Of course I heard of this practice and all, but where in this sector?” I shake my head: “I am from some sectors away. Way less… well let’s say… laid back? Lots of commerce and trading stuff. Industrial espionage and economic warfare.” “Sounds lovely… why did you leave it behind?”, he asks. “I just followed my sister and well, it wasn’t my kind of… way of life?” He looks around: “Well, I won’t blame you but for this?”
This city is quite rundown, he is right, but my alt being never bothered. Why should I? “I am sorry, please do go on”, he smiles and I simply do the same: “I had no money so I hired on a ship in about the opposite direction of where I was going to go. Took detours, a lot of those actually. Was in space for more than 15 months before I arrived here, never stayed on stations and a couple of times went from ship to ship while… exchanges were made.” He raises his eyebrows but I guess he thinks about smuggling. Hopefully. He repeats: “15 Months? That is a paranoid level of caution. When did your sister die?”
Nil: He has a talent for good questions, doesn’t he?
“She was killed one month after I left my home system. I would never have been able to reach her in time. Even a direct flight would have taken at least… I guess three weeks.” Nanth seems to ponder something: “Did it ever come to your mind that your leaving might have forced someone's hand?” “In fact it did. I don’t have any way to find out or even do something about it. The case is closed and revealing my arrival might force someone to take action again”, I agree.
“I see”, he replies, “so you try to keep your head down?” I shrug: “Low profile is what I am used to… so taking you in was against my better judgment. No offense, I’m sorry.” “None taken. Ever thought about moving on further away. The frontiers?”, he wants to know. I swallow: “That’d be an adventure I might actually not be suited for”, I confess and quickly add, “at least until now.”
Sin: Your flirting skills are exhilarating.
Sol: They are?
Nil: Sin is messing with you.
Sol: I see.
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