I stood with the letter in my hands for a few minutes, just staring at the fancy signature at the bottom of the page.
The fairy's wings chimed softly next to me, questioning.
"This... this is pretty incredible." I was chewing my lip. I forced myself to stop and take a deep breath.
"Caretaker huh? I wonder what that would be like..."
My mind began to race with possibilities. What would it be like, living in a magic carnival? Meeting other people who stumble their way into this place, helping them through hard times the way I'd longed for someone to help me.
With the magic, obviously electricity wasn't an issue. Wandering through the house, testing various items, I easily determined that clean running water, and hot water for bathing wasn't an issue either. I could explore the woods around the carnival and see about foraging some food items. It even looked like there was a garden area out the back of the house.
It was definitely doable.
Eventually I sat down at the desk, staring at the journal in front of me. Did I dare start reading? Or would it be better to head back to the house for now, and come back after school the next day?
I finally settled on coming back after school. Knowing myself, I was too likely to read the journal for the rest of the night if I got started, and I didn't want to get in trouble or be too tired to function in classes tomorrow.
I memorized the words I needed to return to the carnival, or the fair as Jensen Quinn had called it, and carefully tucked the journal into the drawer with the key. I was tempted not to lock it, as it appeared nobody had been here in a very long time. If what the letter said was true though, people would probably be finding their way back and too the carnival soon enough.
My little guide was watching me with curious intensity.
"Don't worry." I found myself assuring her. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon. I need to go home and get some sleep now."
Part of me wanted to stay right then. Nobody would be able to find me, and I was excited about the idea of living in a magic carnival. Who wouldn't be?
But I couldn't. My siblings counted on me to lead the way, navigating dubious waters with our parents, and for advice about problems with their peers at school that our parents were ill-equipped to handle. They didn't realize it, but I worked hard to shield them from the worst of our parent's problems too. Listening to them rant about each other day and night every time I spent time with them was exhausting, but it kept them from spilling those same troubles within my sibling's earshot.
I tried to mediate some of the arguments, when I thought I could. Mostly my attempts were focused on stopping arguments from happening when one was complaining about an issue I had insight to from listening to the other complain. Without my interference, I sometimes wondered whether my parents' marriage would last.
My siblings didn't deserve to have a broken home.
So I went back. Back to the real world, with responsibilities that I was barely managing to juggle every day and no life to call my own.
How could I have possibly considered abandoning my siblings?
I swallowed back the first wave of guilt as I gently opened the door and snuck back to my bed.
Curling up under my covers I fought back tears. Why was I so upset? I found something beautiful that night, a safe place to go when I needed it.
It must have just been the guilt. Because I couldn't actually be considering leaving my siblings to deal with this mess by themselves. It had to be the guilt.
If I really wanted to leave them so badly I was crying over it, that would make me a horrible person.
The next morning I barely heard my alarm in time to avoid screaming parents.
My head hurt, and my feet were heavy from missing sleep. Two nights in a row of missing hours had already caught up to me. Good thing I could visit the carnival on the way home now.
"Hey are you ok?" a flinch escaped when I heard Esther behind me.
"Huh? Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I blinked away the haze forming in my vision.
"Oh no reason, I just thought you'd get sick after being out in the cold most of the other night." Sarcasm dripped from her words despite the concern in her eyes. That was Esther for you. She'd rather come off as abrasive than too worried.
"Yeah... Well, I'm fine. Just having a hard time sleeping."
"Obviously. Be glad I'm not a snitch like our siblings or they would know about last night."
I glanced up the hallway instantly, then caved to a gentle sigh of relief when nobody was there.
"Relax. I'm not stupid enough to say anything where they can hear us."
"I know, I'm sorry. I'm just... paranoid." I rubbed my eyes in another attempt to keep my vision clear. "And don't be so hard on our siblings. They don't know anything but trying to make our parents happy."
"Yeah I know. They're still snitches." She yawned, stretching. "Don't go out too often. They'll find out sooner or later without me doing anything."
I nodded. "I wasn't planning on it. Just last night."
Esther shrugged. "Well it's none of my business either way. I just don't want you to get in trouble."
"Yeah, can't be inconveniencing you can I?" I elbowed her and walked into the dining room before she could retort, so she settled for returning a sharp elbow in my side.
I blinked, but didn't say anything when actual pain spread in my side. I didn't think she'd meant to hit me as hard as she did, and the pain woke me up better than any of my own efforts.
It would get me to school at least.
On the way to school, I made a pit stop at a corner store I hadn't been to in a long time.
"Hey kid, where have you been lately?"
"Just school sir!" I smiled at the older cashier.
"Don't give me that sir stuff, just because you abandoned me doesn't mean you lost the right to call me Gramps." He laughed at my apologetic face. "I'm joking kiddo! Mostly anyways. So what are you stopping for on your way to the time-eater you call school?"
"Just an energy drink. I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights so I need a boost to get through the day."
"Well hurry and pick one out! Chatting with an old geezer like me is no reason to be late for school unless you're skipping entirely!"
We both laughed, and I picked out my favorite of the cheap energy drinks. If I was going to spend the money I might as well enjoy the drink. The nasty ones weren't that much cheaper anyways.
When I took it to the counter though, Gramps refused to let me pay him.
"The owner lets me grab a drink once in awhile, but I can't stomach most of the things we get in. Save your money and come visit me again soon."
"Thanks Gramps." I reached across the counter to give the man a quick hug.
"Go knock 'em dead kiddo."
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