Things became harder to navigate in this castle since I arrived. Fear had crept into where courage once slept, and everything had been turned upside down. I wished not to run away, not this time. I wanted to stay, after all, everyone here had been so welcoming that I couldn't bring myself to leave. But what if it came to it?

            No!

            I had promised the king my utter trust and loyalty, and there was no backing away from that. Seemed all my other homes where I had settled into were different. It was easier to stay apart and not to grow a liking to them. There wasn't a princess as cheery as this castle did, I assured myself. But that would mean that I had already gotten myself too deep into this castle's life and the only way out would be to leave while I could. I didn't want to get attached.

            I didn't want to become weak in my attachment.

           

             Rafael stood on the windowsill waiting to take flight, but he kept looking back at me as if worried. “I will be fine, little friend! Go!” I called out to it, but it didn't obey. It folded its wings and hopped down on my table, looking at the map I had been laying my head on. “I do not know what to do, Rafael,” I said in utter hopelessness. What had I left to do? The bird didn't understand. “Do you understand? You could help me with these feelings, could you?” I didn't get an answer, but the little crow sat down, looking up at me with a watchful gaze. “I do not want to love her, I will not be able to leave if I do,” I let it spill, “I will not be able to leave If I do.” Rafael stood up and shook his wings with pride and took to the window. He could leave. The bird could just leave just like that and at that moment, I was jealous. I was jealous. I had these feelings, and a crow didn't. Astra was all that was on my mind and a clock that counted the minutes and seconds until our next visit. I loved her brightness in this dimmer place, and I loved her curiosity that had made us closer friends, but most of all, I loved her fascination with things. She could talk and talk about so many things that she had never seen, but with such interest and wonder in her voice you could listen to her for hours.

            A prince.

            It's what the princess wanted most.

            I was jealous of him more than I was jealous of Rafael.