Eyes heavy with exhaustion, Kaeda laid in her bedroll, listening to the sounds of the forest, as Draik finally began to stir. He stretched, rubbed his eyes, and sat up to run his fingers through his messy dark hair. 

     She only blinked up at the canopy of swaying tree branches above them, watching the light shift through the leaves.

     “Did you sleep?” he asked. 

     “No. I may never sleep again. I can’t just burn things, and… people, every time I get scared or angry. That’s unacceptable.”

     “I agree, Kae, but that man… He was a cold-blooded killer. He killed Tomas, for no reason. He deserved the death you gave him.”

     “I know, but I have no control over those flames. What if I hurt someone by accident, someone who doesn’t deserve it?” She closed her eyes and took a deep shuddering breath. “What if I hurt you?”

     “I think I can help. I don’t know anything about wielding magic, but I know everything about controlling the body and the mind to fight and to avoid a fight. It can’t be that different.”

     She opened her eyes and looked over at him. “You want to help me learn to control fire shooting out of my hands?”

     “You shouldn’t have to do it alone.”

     “I don’t want to put you in danger, Draik.”

     “It’s my choice, Kaeda. Just like it was my choice to leave Arbold with you, to help you. I haven’t changed my mind.”

     She does need help, and who could she trust if not him? He hadn’t even hesitated to grab her arm and run with her after she’d killed a man with magic she shouldn’t even have. She’s sure anyone else would have run away, but he didn’t. 

     “Thank you,” she said, “for everything.”

     He gave her a small smile and nodded. “We’ll wait until we find somewhere more open before we start figuring out how to train you. Wouldn’t want you to burn down the forest.”

     Kaeda stared at her hands, flexing her fingers and stretching her palms, trying to recall exactly how it had felt to use the magic. “No, I wouldn’t want that.” she agreed.

     They shared a quick breakfast, saddled up their horses, and continued heading southeast. As they rode, Draik talked to her about mental control, and she tried to explain to him how it felt to use magic - what little she could recall. 

     She could remember that her fingers had begun to feel weird and tingly as soon as she’d registered the potential threat, almost like static electricity popping between her fingertips. When she’d realized what had been done to Tomas, it was like this space opened up inside her - an infinite space - and she was both floating and sinking, imploding and exploding, everything and nothing all at once. It was the strangest sensation she’d ever experienced, so overwhelming. 

     To be honest, she wasn’t really looking forward to experiencing it again, but she knew she had to figure it all out before she accidentally did something she’d regret. 

     Sometime after midsun they came across a big clearing in the trees, the ground covered in nothing but creeping thyme, dotted with tiny purple flowers. With every step their horses took into the open space, the air filled with a wonderful, herby aroma. It was the perfect place to practice using her magic, and it would be a very comfortable place to sleep. 

     As they dismounted, she marveled at how spongy the growth felt under her feet, and how beautiful the clearing was. She and Draik made quick work of getting the horses settled, then they had a small meal. Kaeda kept picking bits of thyme from the ground, breaking the tiny leaves apart in her fingers to appreciate the smell, and she noticed Draik smiling a bit when he noticed. She’d never seen anything like this place before.She hoped she wouldn’t leave it scorched. 

     “You can’t learn to control your magic until you learn how to access it at will. It’s triggered by your anger and fear, and much like anger and fear, it can be controlled - tucked away when it could be detrimental, and brought forth when necessary. We’ve talked about this while training in self-defense.”

     They had talked about it a lot, and what he was saying made sense. If she hadn’t been so shocked by the threat from the stranger in the tavern, she likely would not have made his glass explode with burning liquor, and if she had been able to control her rage and fear after what happened to Tomas, she might not have burned that man alive. She may have chosen to, though - like Draik said, he’d deserved it. It would have been her choice though, not something that had happened outside of her control. 

     “I want you to close your eyes and imagine your hands glowing, the way they did before the flames started.” he instructed her.

     Kaeda hadn’t been aware of her hands glowing, only that they’d felt strange, but she did as he asked. She shut her eyes, raised her hands in front of her, palms up, and imagined them glowing. She thought about the static feeling she’d felt. She sat like that for a while, and Draik didn’t interrupt. 

     Eventually, she became aware of that terrifying, infinite, empty space inside her, but it didn't feel like it was tearing her apart this time. She felt whole and perfectly tethered to the ground. She could feel the cushion of the creeping thyme beneath her. Her hands felt perfectly normal. 

     “Are they glowing?” she asked, keeping her eyes closed.

     “No.”

     She sighed heavily and dropped her hands, feeling defeated already. “Of course it couldn’t be that easy.”

     “I’d be surprised if it had worked that easily.” he said, amused. “I want you to try again, but this time think about things that upset you. Just imagine being upset, and let your mind run with it.”

     She got back into the same palms-raised position she’d been in before, and tried again. She started by imagining her hands glowing, then she thought about being upset. She thought about the fear she'd felt while searching alleys for Nicolai, the shock and anger of being hit in the face by the first man she’d killed in Tavedor, killing the man she’d killed in Tavedor, and before that, when he’d told her he’d sent Nico to be executed. 

     There, she felt a spark sting on one of her fingertips.

     She thought about saying Nicolai’s Final Departing Prayer, and about Tomas - how she didn’t get to say goodbye to yet another man who’d meant the world to her, and she wouldn’t be there for his Departing Prayer.

     Her thoughts were interrupted by a sharp inhale from Draik, and she opened her eyes… Her palms were full of beautiful, golden flames.