…I never really been in love. I don’t even think I’ve had a single crush… okay maybe a couple fictional crushes but not a crush on a real person. Nor have I been someone’s type. At all. I love watching those cheesy romance film or those cliche romance novels that Toby has in his cafe’s bookshelves. They’re all so predictable. Boy meet Girl, they fall in love, there’s a conflict that puts a strain on their relationship, they still end up with each other at the end. Rinse and repeat, over. And over. And over again. Unless you’re a character in a Filipino drama, either you're in a very predictable story or the story goes whack and you end up with a random person that you’ve barely interacted with.
Maybe there’s something wrong with me… maybe it’s the way I dress? My voice? The fact I genuinely can’t take hints from people if they like me or not due to my ability to not recognize tone indicators and facial expressions except from surface level stuff (Smile, Frown, Pout, ETC.), maybe it’s my self-harm scars and burn marks mixed with the cocktail that’s my mental well-being… Who would want to love someone like that?
Or maybe because I don’t put myself out there enough… but then again, pretty sure everyone has something against me till proven otherwise. But I weirdly do find myself wondering what romance is like. Like what does it feel like? Is it how they describe it in books and fan fictions? Or maybe how it’s shown in the movies. Either way, the common description is it’s always a warm feeling in your chest or on your face… or both. Where you can feel your heart race as if you ran a marathon but you’re standing still, your eyes meeting the love of your life…
I find this concept kinda stupid. Maybe because I don’t know what I’m feeling 24/7 or just because I've seen this description one too many times in my lifetime in sad attempts to feel something. But I would like some really cliché shit to happen that would make my heart race… like dumb Romeo and Juliette level stuff; even though that play was kinda ick… big big ick.
But I would always imagine someone climbing up a tree and meet me at my window in the moonli
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‘KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!’
Something was on the other side of my bedroom window. I peaked out from behind my bunk’s curtain, seeing the window’s curtain is closed. Why must I wish for something that in theory is kinda romantic that in reality is so creepy? Whatever was on the other side, it kept knocking. Might as well just have my dumb slasher film moment, now or never. I pulled open my privacy curtain and made my way to the room’s window, the floorboards creaking with every step I made. I took hold of the drawstring of the curtain and pulled the curtain’s up only to see Toby sitting on the branch of the tree that sat in front of my shared bedroom with my brother. I hurryingly unlocked the window locks and pushed them open.
“What the actual fuck Tobias?!” My voice raised, still carrying the monotone I've grown used to.
“That’s probably the most emotion I’ve seen you show since we met.” Toby said with a smile.
“Get your ass inside before you break a limb.” I said moving aside for Toby to climb in. “For real Toby, what the actual fuck?”
“Hal has been knocking at your door for the past 15 minutes, so I will check if you were in your bedroom” Toby said in his usual tone, climbing into my room, his sneakers making a soft 'clack' as they made contact with the room’s floor.
“Shit… right… sorry… totally forgot we’re going to the after dark party…” I sighed, walking back to my bunk, cleaning up my journaling. “I still need to shower and get ready…” I made my way to my closet, picking out my clothes for tonight.
“It’s alright. Hal’s just waiting outside in the car. What were you doing? It’s so quiet in your house… are you a heavy sleeper?” Toby said with a chuckle, looking around the bedroom.
“No, not at all… just journaling is all…” I said, my tone soft, “I’ll be out in a couple minutes, I won’t be long.”
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