Things got real quiet in the group now. The three of us were just laying next to each other, the two keeping me in the middle like a sandwich. I’m pretty sure I was the reason for how quiet it’s been the past hour with me snapping at them prior, but they were pushing me so much for an answer, I just caved in.
“Um… guys…” I spoke out, breaking the silence that was thick in the air. “Are you… are you two mad at me?”
“What? No. Of course not.” Toby said. I could feel him looking at me. “Hal and I were just really curious… Hal has this whole theory that you’re dating someone quietly and who lives on the outskirts with the amount of times you say you need to go there for something.”
“I work in the outskirts, Tobias… I’ve told you that before.”
“I know but still… Was it so wrong for us to think you were able to score with one of the many households you work for… besides the rat.”
I exhale through my nose at Toby’s final comment, not saying a word.
“True, I genuinely thought you were just making up excuses to go meet your boyfriend out there” Hal said in the familiar tone he’d use to poke fun at me.
I rolled my eyes, “What I said was true. I have never been in a relationship… like romantically.” I sighed, sitting up and pulling my knees into my chest, Toby and Hal following and sitting up beside me as well.
“Not even someone like you?” Toby asked.
I looked over at him then looked down at my shoes, shaking my head as it hung. “Nope. Not anyone’s type. Never have and never will,” I keep my eyes on the loose pebbles, poking a couple with the tip of my finger as I speak. “I’m pretty sure no one would be into some guy who has a cocktail of mental issues and has a monotone twenty-four-seven. Not to mention my scars and burn marks I got…”
“I’m not an expert in love but, I’m sure you have someone that is your type,” Hal said with a smile on his lips, “They can probably be right in front of you and you won’t even know it.”
‘Ouch, Hal… no need to pour so much salt in my wounds.’ my thoughts wandered at my friend’s last line of words. I know he doesn’t mean it in that way but, I couldn’t help but feel his words stab me in the gut.
“But in all honesty, Cessair. Are you like… really picky with your guys?” Toby questioned, pulling my attention back to him.
I shook my head, “Not at all… as long as they respect me, my boundaries and communicate stuff to me… other than that, don’t really care for looks and all…”
“So you’re telling me you don’t look at the height of the guy?”
I exhaled through my nose, rolling my eyes, “What is up with the height thing?”
“I think it’s like… a power kink thing.” Hal chuckled, falling back slowly onto the pavement.
“Ew, why does your mind always wander there? Aren't you Aroace?” Toby said with a huff, laying down on the parking lot floor as well.
“What? I may be AroAce, doesn’t mean that I don’t joke about fucking sex. I'm also still allowed to jerk off too.”
"Way too much information, Hal... TMI..."
"I'm just proving a point here."
I looked between the two before following their lead, the three of us laying in silence. Backs flat on the ground and staring up at the starry night sky, the moon shining down on our skins.
“But you’ve got to have some idea of what you want.” Toby broke the silence, none of us looking away from the sight.
“What do you mean?” I questioned back, picking at my skin on the tips of my fingers,
“Like… what do you fantasize about when you think about your relationships?”
I laid there in silence. I’ve thought about what I wanted in a romantic situation but saying it out loud was the idea that made me hold my tongue. “They’re kinda cringy.”
“That’s alright.” Hal chimed.
“No… like really dumb shit… It’s embarrassing.”
“You’re heard Toby and I made fools of ourselves, what would be so bad that you desire in a relationship.”
“Well… um… I’ve always imagined whatever romantic relationship I get myself into would be like the movies or books I’ve read… maybe even like those crappy fanfictions I read when I was younger…” I rambled on, my two friends listening and letting me pour out my flooding thoughts in my head. “Like cuddles in the morning as we watch the sunrise in bed, sipping coffee… dancing underneath the moonlight or fairy lights people use to decorate their backyards or bedrooms with… that’s just scratching the surface, the list goes on… and on and on…”
“But, I kinda want something real too… as much as I want something like I read in fiction. I want a relationship that’s authentic and messy. I want some form of light arguing and disagreements with my partner. I don’t want my partner to just suck up to me and be a pick-me guy.”
“Fair enough…” Hal responded, “Things in fiction shouldn’t really always end in a happy ending… Name one piece of romantic media that didn’t end in a happy end?”
“The Half of It, Hal. We all literally had a movie night where we watched it.” Toby said as he stretched,
“Toby… did you really miss the whole point of the movie?”
“Did I…? I thought the two leads were supposed to end up with each other but didn’t.”
“Tobias, you sweet summer's child… you little ally.” I said with an exhale through my nose, “The female lead was fruity and I was pretty sure the guy was giving me bi himbo energy. That was supposed to end. They were only supposed to end up as close friends and that was it, don’t you remember the female lead literally smooched her crush at the end before leaving for college?”
“... Fuck, you right…” Toby said, “Then Hal, you were right…”
“Then drink, fucker.” Hal said with a laugh, Toby groaning as he sat up to drink, flipping off the other dark haired male.
---
I let out a soft sigh, closing my eyes as we all laid there in silence. It felt as if something was lifted off my chest. I guess it was just Hal and Toby letting me ramble about my idealism of romance at the end of the day.
“Sleepy, Cessair?” Toby spoke up, I felt his eyes on me.
I hummed in response, hearing Hal get up from his spot and stretch, letting out the groan. My eyes flutter open, staring back at the sky only for Hal to look down at me, his light brown hair framing his face as it hung.
“Shall we call it a night then?”
“Yeah…” I responded. Hal stretched out a hand for me to grab. I took it and he pulled me up to my feet.
“Thanks Hal…”
“Help… Help me, I feel like a flipped over turtle…” Toby whined, raising his arms up to the sky and waiting to be helped.
“Get up yourself…” Hal chuckled, rolling his eyes as he walked to his car, twirling the keychain on his finger.
I sigh and go over to Toby, taking a hold of his hands, “upsy-daisy, Tobs…” I muttered as I pulled Toby to his feet.
“Thank you, you’re a real friend…” Toby whined, wrapping his arms around me from behind, swaying slowly with me. “Unlike, Hal. Asshole.”
“Keep whining, Toby… keep whining.” Hal chuckled, unlocking the car door and opening the driver’s side door. “We can crash at my place, it’s the closest out of the three of us.”
I nodded and wobbled on Toby putting his weight on my back, Toby got off and got into the passenger seat as I filed myself into the backseats, Hal getting into the driver's seat. He buckled up and started the engine, pulling out the empty parking lot and we drove into the night, heading back to town.
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