Chris walked along the bridge, baffled about how he had gotten here. From a lovely dinner that he had been aiming to turn into an opening into a door slamming shut in his face as he pretended to go for a casual hookup. Oliver knew him, he knew he wasn’t the sort who did this kind of thing but Oliver had let him go. Smiling that weird tight smile. 

Why had he let him go? Why had he gone? Why hadn’t they just had a completely normal response to a completely normal situation and had a lovely meal. All he had had to say was “oh it’s just this app, I barely use it” or “nothing is more important to me than you” or even “but I love you”. 

Nobody had said this was this meal that would make them lovers, nobody had called this a date, nobody had said anything of the sort but when they had arrived there had been something in the air, something more than being best friends, even though their friendship was the most important thing in his world, he would have given anything for more. 

Chris used the app to feel like he had options. The hope that one day he could meet someone that would make him forget Oliver, forget the man who could never love him back. The hope that somewhere out there was a man who could make Chris forget. Even just for a night or two. The hope..but now it was just hopelessness. They never fought, it was ridiculous that Chris was feeling like this and he couldn’t call his best friend and tell him. Chris wanted his friend. Maybe this was why he needed to meet someone. Then he’d be able to talk to Oliver about it without any undercurrents of unwanted love. 

Chris checked the app again, no new matches but there were some messages he hadn’t replied to. What was wrong with messaging someone and seeing where it went? He looked. There was a guy named Marcus who had seemed nice. Chris had ghosted him when Marcus had suggested meeting up but he was good looking and had kind eyes. Maybe this was exactly what Chris needed right now. Instead of pacing around a cold bridge in the drizzling rain, crying bitter tears that made his beard feel heavy and cold. So he looked at his phone again and started to type. 

At that moment Oliver was having his own revelation. Why shouldn’t he get on some dating apps! Why should Chris have all the fun? This way he might meet a nice man who could make him forget the way Chris ran his hands over Oliver’s buzz cut when it was fresh or the way Chris always made him a cup of tea just as he was thinking he’d like one. He needed to forget. One foray into a not-date had turned almost immediately into a fight and storm out. He didn’t need that kind of thing ruining his friendship with Chris. If he ever wanted to feel Chris touching him again, even just during a hair cut or a wig fitting, he had to forget. 

He took out his phone. He signed up for the app that promised him all the young gays were here and he began to type. 

Once his profile was set up, all photos Chris had taken, not that he was thinking about Chris of course. A tasteful black and white photo taken in profile of him laughing at something out of frame, a bright photo of Anya in all her glory and a group shot where people were half in and half out of drag laughing and smiling into the camera as they got ready. He hoped it had enough oomph that would look good to potential matches. 

He started answering the survey, it promised to use your answers to match you with suitable candidates that you could then message. Questions that ranged from the mundane ‘cats or dogs’ to the truly bizarre like ‘if aliens made contact what would you want them to know’. He hoped his answers were interesting as well as informative. 

He dithered a bit over advertising he was trans, he didn’t want to be accused of leading people on but he couldn’t run the risk of anyone from his real life seeing and it outing him to the world. He decided he’d say nothing unless the conversation got going and once an interest was expressed he could tell them. 

And with that his phone dinged. He had already been matched with a bunch of prospectives. He scrolled through blocking a few and considering messaging others until he got to the bottom of the list. 

There in bold, smiling up from under his eyebrows in a photo Oliver had taken was Chris.