----------(Home)--

We got home, and I opened the door. How did I not notice these things? The house seemed duller, the smell of her perfume she used hung in the air, the sight of her shoes made me choke on my own tears. I want this house emptied of her stuff, yet I still want it here. I want to let go, but yet I don’t. I took one of the pictures of her, and slammed it down. The sound of shattering glass sacred Madee. I can’t have her here. I don’t want her to grow up like this. I called Vann, asking him if he can take care of Arianna for a few weeks, and that I would pay him double for it. Vann agreed, probably feeling pity. The news would be out to people, close friends and family. Would her parents hate me? What would I have to do knowing that? Madee was sobbing her eyes out as she sat on the floor. I looked at her, and rubbed a hand over my face. Seeing her upset, and not knowing what to do makes this harder. I pulled out my phone, and looked up the closest adoption place. 

Houselux Home for Children was the closest one. I took all of Madee’s stuff, which took me a few days to sort through a pack. I don’t want to call, mainly because I don’t want Madee to know. I knew it would break Arianna’s heart to know that her sister was gone, and it was already enough when she realizes that she doesn’t have a mother anymore. Thealea’s items were in storage. I could go there if I wanted to, and I will when I know that Madee is older, then I would go get her. That is the plan that I made in my head as I drove Madee to the place. She was sleeping in the back seat only to wake up crying when we stopped at a stoplight. Once I got to the orphanage, I took Madee and her belongings, and set her at the doorstep, wrapped in her mother’s bathrobe. I had torn out the tag that she had scrawled her name on so that they couldn’t back trace, and get a hold of me. Madee didn’t have a clue what was going on. I waited in the car until the door opened, and a woman looked down at the new package, slightly alarmed. I had put Madee’s birth certificate and other documents in one of the boxes, and I hoped that the lady who opened the door would take great care of them. 

Once Madee was inside, I left. I got home, and Vann was waiting for me in his truck, a cheery faced Arianna was looking out the window. She hopped out when she saw me, and wrapped her arms around my leg. A ray of sunshine, but yet she wouldn’t understand. Sort of how the sun shines in vain during a storm, or through heavy clouds thinking it will reach the little humans below it. It would get there some day, and I really hope that it would get here now. I don’t want to feel this way. “Papa, you’ve been looking at the door for a while now..” Vann had soon placed his hand on my shoulder. “Are you sure you’re alright, Mr. Delmire? I can take care of her for a while more.” I shook my head. “I need to do this.” He nodded, and I invited them in. Arianna looked around. “Where’s mama and Madee?” I turned on some lights, ignoring her question. “Papa.” She tugged my pant leg. “Papa.” She tugged it again, a little harder. “PAPA.” I jumped, that was the first time I heard her yell like that. I looked at her. “Where is mama and Madee.” I gave off a weak smile. “Mama is in a better place, and Madee is just visiting someone.” Arianna cocked her head to the side, quizzical. “What do you mean a better place?” “Mama is gone, Arianna. But, she is also right here.” I tapped my chest, presumably where everyone was taught their heart was. Arianna was still confused. “How can mama fit in there..?” 

Vann crouched down, and turned Arianna around. “Your mama is up there in heaven, where all the good people go.” Arianna’s face twisted. “Mama..?” He nodded. “Yes. Your mama is, well, she uh, is dead, but she’s here.” he tapped her chest, and she wheezed out a sob. Arianna turned around, and wrapped her arms around my legs. She rubbed her face a few times, probably rubbing in her snot. But, that didn’t matter. What mattered was that we felt like we had gotten torn apart from someone, or something that held unto us and kept us together. Thealea was like a ribbon that wraps around packages, holding them together. And now all the packages were strewn across the floor, trampled over. I got home, and went to Arianna’s room. She was still sound asleep. But soon, she is going to need other people to take care of her. I can’t do this alone, I know that I would make her life miserable. 

Christopher had been my head servant, but I know that Arianna would need a personal maid. I can’t take care of a little girl while being a man who had no clue on how women worked. Even though I married a woman, she did a better job than I could ever do. I interviewed people until I came across Marina. She was a simple, but strict in a good way. Enough to raise her to be a better girl. Little did I know, everything would spiral. Arianna tried to make me happy, but I indulged myself in my work. I needed to take my mind off of it. Marina was Italian, so that would be a little homey for Arianna. In the first few years out of four, Arianna did well. Marina and Arianna got a long well. They talked, baked, listened to music and did what all little girls do with their female figures. I hated having to leave, seeing her cry about it, and then come home to her growing colder. The last few years that we had Marina was a struggle. Her and Arianna would fight more and more frequently, up to the point where Marina packed her bags and left. I decided that Arianna would work herself out… hopefully.