A/N: The chapter ahead is raw, which means not been proofread yet nor edited.
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I never did it before, but it seemed easy when I practiced it.
First, I meditated. Then, I set my mind where I want to be and think that I am there in reality (as a consciousness). When I opened my eyes, it worked. I am in front of the infamous Frostbite Mountain cave, the one in my mind's home.
I have no time to spare to describe what it's like and where it is located, so I went in without hesitation to meet that one as soon as possible. That is, if she's here. Yes, she.
The cave is not dark at all. There are crystals illuminating different colors of light, helping me find my way to her lair. The crystals didn't betray me. I think they even helped me because other crystals were not illuminating, only selected ones as if they were leading me to her.
I reached an open space with much larger crystals. The icicles are my size, huge, and burning cold. Valuable gemstones glimmer beneath clear sheets of ice below me. I am standing on a frozen lake, whose ice is clear, giving me the freedom to see the frozen marine life beneath me. If melted, will those fishes swim? Are they still alive?
I stopped in front of her body.
I call her the Ice Empress for she's a powerful wielder of Ice Magic. Standing in front of her now makes me wonder why...
Why was she frozen?
Her body is sleeping inside a crystallized ice boulder. She looks like a slumbering goddess.
While admiring her, I placed my hand to touch her, only for my surroundings to glitch. My eyebrows furrowed as I stepped back. Soon enough, the illusion crumbled down, revealing what my surroundings were truly like.
The luminous crystals still do their part to shine, yet the only difference is there is no ice in here. The lake beneath me is dry. The gemstones are still here, anyway.
"Empress Holy Azarese Elyzena,"
I find where that voice is coming from, but I see nobody.
"What are you doing here, Wicked Empress of Heart?"
I tilt my head to my side before I completely turn around to see who's on my right side.
It was her.
She's not asleep, but awake.
"I am asking you again. What are you doing here?" This time, her voice is sterner than before.
Ice blue hair and icy blue eyes. A thin cloth wrapped and tied to cover her naked body. Her skin is as fair as her snow. Her irises are white, and it's amazing to see her icy blue pupils shaped into snowflakes.
"Are you mute?"
I faked a cough. "Are you not wondering why you're seeing me here? In this appearance?" Her eyes squint. "You told me before that I'm colder than your ice,"
"That has nothing to do with why you're here." Her guards are up.
"Am I still the 'colder than my ice' Empress to you?" I give her a small smile. "Aren't you wondering why you're alive? Again? And why do I look like this?" I point my horns.
I approach her. "I didn't deserve it, but the time was reversed and things have changed. My mother, the Empress, is alive this time. And I chose to change my ways. The Azarese you first met, is not the Azarese she wanted to become,"
She remains standing there, looking at me intently. I can't tell if she was moved by my genuineness. It's impossible to read her face since it's as cold as her ice. And so her eyes.
Is she judging me? She's probably doubting me.
"Tell me why you're here."
I smirked at that opening.
"I want to make an alliance. No, I want to be friends with you, Ice Empress."
I don't want a boring alliance. What I want is friendship. An unbreakable bond my parents, uncles, and aunties shared with each other. Words are not enough to describe how strong their bond is. They trust each other so much that there is no room for doubt and jealousy. It's amazing. Even before; they never wanted their friendship to be broken but because of me, they had to part ways to prioritize their safety and survival. I want a bond and friendship like that too.
And I will start with her.
"Friend?"
There was a huge question mark atop her head.
That's when I realized that she's far behind the current modernization.
I hold my chest and don't realize that I'm already smiling as I say the words, "It is a person you trust and hold dear. A friend is not an enemy nor a foe, but an ally. You can be family too even though you're not related by blood. We share happy and sad events, we make happy and sad memories, we have each other's back, and we have each other through ups and downs---A friend is someone who will never turn their back on you. Who will always believe you. Who will always put their faith in you."
"What made you think that I need that kind of person? I need no friend. I have people who worship me."
My shoulders fell at her nonchalant and cold remark. "How boring. You're such a loner." She squints her eyes on me once again so I turn back into being proper.
"What I mean is, that's lonely. Worshippers are different from friends. Worshippers treat you formally, while friends don't. You can share secrets with your friends. You can tell your stories with them. You will feel free and...happy."
The picture of my family sharing smiles with each other is already embedded in my mind. So true, so real, and so genuine. And warm. And full of care, love, and affection. Just watching them...makes it fun. Because they look perfect altogether. How sad that those smiles and laughter turn into sounds of agony and misery because of me.
"Have you ever had friends you speak of before?"
Her question caught me off guard.
I look down and recall if I ever had any I can call a friend.
Can I call my husbands my friends? I had numerous men during my first life. How about Dryllivan? Other than being my lovers and enemies, are they my friends?
Did I ever have...friends during my first life?
And the answer to that is, "None."
Because I inflicted fear and pain on them, no one could even approach me and befriend me. I will always glare at them coldly, and if I dislike them, I will have their heads cut off for no acceptable reason. I don't have...friends.
"Then, don't use me to play a part in your little fantasy. I don't want to be your friend, and I will never need a friend. Who are you? You are an enemy. A tyrant. Don't fool me, because one can't change their habits in a short period of time. Second chance or not, your words are not enough to guarantee that you are not who you used to be. Wicked Empress Holy Azarese Elyzena, it's just right if everyone will leave you behind again. It's the atonement you deserve."
I clenched my jaw and so are my fists. My face darkened as I glared at the floor.
"However, I believe that to see is to believe,"
Huh?
My expression softens when I lift my head to see her face. It's less cold. "I admit that our first meeting is rather rough. I have my icicles pointed at your neck, while your sword is on mine. We fought until the other dropped dead. I admire you and your unwavering will to live as much as you wanted to die."
Ah, I remember. We fought day and night, nonstop. It only ended when... I killed her.
"I remember what you said back then. I was a worthy opponent. That even when I gave my all and you didn't, you felt somehow alive, that you had fun. Your eyes sparkle like my snowflakes, and you honor my death by burying me. You said that it would be an honor if I were to be the one to kill you. That I will be the hero the people have been looking for. I should have known back then... That you are just a little girl."
I didn't realize that she was already right in front of me.
It's weird. She has the most powerful ice magic, yet why is her palm so warm? And why are my tears leaking from my eyes?
"Living is not about desperation to die. It's not about wanting to die. You are not as strong as others think about you. You are beyond that because they only see you on the outside. They never see you shed tears like you are right now."
She moves her thumb to wipe my tears away.
"I-I'm sorry for everything I've done to you back then, Skadi..."
"Skadi?" she repeated, confused about what I just called her.
I nodded with a small smile. "That's your name. Skadi Eira, that's your name. Not High Priestess, not Ice Empress. It's Skadi Eira. You are Skadi Eira."
~
We are now outside the cave. Snow is raging furiously and I can't see anything past it. Skadi flicked her fingers, and the snow calmed down. I watch the last pieces of it fall over me. Faint sunlight peeks through the frozen trees. The mountain is completely frozen with a bed of piled snow beneath our feet.
Asharria, a country under Warlock Empire, is famous for its never-ending winter. It's a wonder how its people still manage to live here despite being this cold. Their ability to adapt to Asharria's climate is no joke. Any outsider with weak aptitude will be frozen for eternity and suffer from frostbite in a few minutes.
There's a myth going around that Asharria had four seasons. Among the seasons, winter lasts longer since Asharria is located near the North Pole of the world. However, winter then is not as catastrophic as what Asharria is going through for centuries.
Wait, centuries aren't enough. It's eons. This catastrophic winter has been raging in Asharria for billions of years now.
Going back to the myth, it tells that a powerful entity did this to Asharria. They said the Ancients angered the entity or did it for entertainment, and so on. As one mouth tells it to another, the story changes so nobody knows what's the real version of the myth anymore.
And it is true that there is an entity that froze Asharria.
Her tears are the snow. Her touch is the snowflakes. Her heart is an iceberg and her eyes are frozen bodies of water.
The ability to wield ice magic is rare. One of the rarest, I must say. Although Ancients who possess water magic can turn it into ice, they have to be at least an Arcane or Arcana to do that. Ocean, my brother, can, but his ice isn't as terrifying as hers. His ice is weak and melts easily.
We called her the Ice Empress when she was awakened in my first life. No, rather, disturbed, which is I don't know.
I remember it vividly; the Mountain blew up and a giant went out of it. The Skadi I'm seeing now is in her Ancient form, so I guess, she can grow into that giant at will. She destroyed our Empire in the same minute, throwing ice boulders everywhere. We suffered an extreme hailstorm and the temperature froze our blood. And I, their Empress, although I feel no love for my people, stood from my throne to stop her from throwing tantrums.
Our battle lasted for days. She kept me entertained. I never felt so alive back then. She was strong and I enjoyed it. But every battle comes to an end, and she lost to me. We aren't being serious back then; we know we don't. She's not in her right state of mind and my mind is pretty sound. Nonetheless, it was a feat.
We felt alive.
"Would you mind telling me the reason why you're isolated here?" I asked as we strolled down the mountain.
"I can't remember. I can't remember anything about my past. It's suspicious. All I can remember was our battle. When I opened my eyes, I was back here." It made me turn my head to her.
"Were you all alone in here? Do you sometimes leave the mountain and socialize with Ancients?"
There was a brief silence between us. It was as if she was thinking about what to say.
"This is my first time to leave the cave ever since I found myself there, to be honest. I tried leaving this place before, but some boundary is keeping me from doing so. I thought I wouldn't make it past the cave when I went with you. I am surprised I did,"
That made me stop and seriously stare at her face to assess if she was lying to me.
She shrugged, "I am being honest?"
That's mysterious and suspicious. Is she, perhaps, imprisoned here?
"It's frustrating to conclude what-ifs when you can't remember anything about your past. Now that we're friends, we need to help each other." We went on.
"Help each other? What are we gonna do?"
"You see, I am only a consciousness,"
This time, it was her who hit her brakes. I sighed and faced her. I tried touching her, but my hand only went through.
"See?"
Her face began to contort to express anger. Before she can say a thing, I preceded her, "But you are still talking to me. I am a consciousness, but this is real. Remember, I've been granted a second chance to live. Who did that, I don't know. I can't bring myself to trust this life, so, I made a part of me take control over my physical body. I can't use magic. They were sealed away, and so are my curses."
She squints her eyes at me.
"I have a favor to ask, Skadi," my tone is low and sincere, but serious.
"I want you to look after her. I mean, my physical body and the 'good' me who's controlling over it. I have doubts about this second chance. There is something wrong, something I couldn't explain. I feel like I am walking on a different path, but it will lead me to who I used to be before in the end. I need you to watch over my body until I reach the point where I have to take over it myself. In return... "
"In return?"
I give her a firm stare. "I will help you unfold your matters. Why you're imprisoned here, if someone did that to you---and, I will keep you entertained with the dramas of my life. There are lots of exciting things outside this mountain. How about that?" I forced my muscles to stretch a smile and saw how her face looked unsettled.
"What are you doing? Are you threatening me?"
My face went back to being straight. "What? I am smiling?"
"Smiling? You are grinning like a madman on a killing spree. Or some madman plotting treason,"
What the hell? Do I look that awful when smiling?
I rolled my eyes. "Anyways, are you in? You have no choice but to, or I will leave you here. It's pretty boring here, don't you think so? And lonely. And sad." I persuade, poking her soft spots.
She crossed her arms. "Well, you're right. Fine. Just make sure to keep me entertained."
That's when I grinned.
"Very well. Now, let me tell you about my plans..."
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