Chapter 12

Emilia sat alone now, in a secluded part of the school.

No one could see her from where she was. Emilia hugged her knees to her chest, head down and cheek resting on her knees.

Behind her was a large section of wall that stood alone, out in the field away from the other buildings.

Upon the wall was painted a beautiful mural. A vast blue sky scattered with stars. Suspended in the air against the crescent of the moon, was a woman in a beautiful flowing white dress, pulling back a mighty bow. The trees growing beneath her and to the side curled around her, framing her figure.

Emilia lifted her head, eyes downwards. She raised a hand, brushing her cheek.

She looked ahead of her. A short distance away was the fence that ran around the whole property, a chain-link fence. Beyond this, was wild and unkempt wilderness.

 *

Emilia stared out at it, eyes out of focus.

She let out a slow breath, and began to sing.

 *

‘They tell me what to wear every single day

They tell me what to do, tell me what to say

I’m done…

They tell me what to eat, tell me what to drink

I’m pretty sure that soon, they’ll tell me what to think

I’m done…

I wish the was a place where I can be who I choose to be

A place where all my dreams can live and they’ll no longer be dreams

A place where I can do all the things that all the free kids do

But I’m sure that’s just inside of me

Cause this is just the way it is

They tell me that I’m wrong even though I’m right

They tell me that “Princesses don’t put up a fight’’

I’m done…

They say I should be nice, be extra polite

They say that I should act like I’m a future bride

I’m done…

I wish there was a place where I could dress just how I wanna dress

A place where I can be and sing and dance how I choose to dance

A place where all my fears can go and hide, hide into another place

But I guess that’s just inside of me

Cause this is just the way it is….’

 *

Emilia trailed off into silence, shoulders slumped.

‘Hm…what’s wrong with me?’

Since when did I become so weak…?

A few moments of silence passed. Eventually Emilia decided to move, having become a little uncomfortable, parts of her becoming numb. She shifted, grimacing.

‘Ow ow ow’ she growled to herself, grabbing her prosthetic leg, pulling it off. 

Not these phantom pains again…

Emilia dropped the leg beside her, beginning to massage her stump.

She huffed again, sulking now.

Emilia checked her watch briefly, before rolling over to her side, peering around the wall.

From here she was completely concealed. There were some trees and bushes that grew close to the wall, and she could see through the leaves, but no one from a distance away would be able to see her at all.

Emilia watched a group of girls a distance away across the field, focused on one in particular.

‘Naomi….’

She had rose-red dyed hair falling freely about her shoulders, thick black-rimmed glasses and a strong build.

‘Hey bitch.’

Emilia grumbled, leaning back and glancing around.

‘What do you want Sarah?’

‘Oh? What’s this? I’ve never seen that expression before. Are you watching someone? Wow, I never considered you to be a stalker type.’

‘I’m not the stalking type’ Emilia droned back.

‘So, which one are you watching?’ Sarah asked her, stepping fully around the wall now, approaching Emilia, holding her hands behind her back.

Emilia glanced towards Sarah, answering only reluctantly.

‘The one with the pink hair.’

‘You mean Naomi?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Oh wow.’

‘Oh wow what?’

‘Nothing nothing’ Sarah answered hastily. ‘It’s nothing at all.’

‘If you know something I don’t then just tell me.’

‘I don’t know anything.’

‘Sure.’

Sarah moved closer to Emilia, sauntering, hands still behind her back.

‘I’ve never seen you so pissy before.’

‘I’m not pissy’ Emilia retorted.

‘Yeah you are.’

Emilia raised an eyebrow curiously as Sarah sat down on the ground near her, though maintaining a space between them.

‘What?’ Emilia asked. ‘Wanna talk?’

Sarah leaned forwards, legs crossed and holding her feet. She grinned at Emilia in a way she didn’t quite like.

Emilia frowned back, a little unnerved.

‘I want to talk’ Sarah said.

‘We’re already talking.’

‘Hmmm’ Sarah smiled.

‘What?’

‘I’m trying to help you here.’

‘Oh?’

Sarah raised an eyebrow at her, copying her expression. ‘You know there’s no point in just sitting here and watching from a distance. Why don’t you speak to her?’

Emilia grimaced, hugging herself tighter.

‘What if she says no?’ she mumbled.

‘Then the answer would always have been no. Don’t you think it’s best to find out?’

‘That’s easy for you to say’ Emilia huffed at her, still not looking towards her. ‘You’re already going out with someone.’

‘And how do you think that happened?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I had to sum up the courage to speak to him for the first time. Do you have any idea how terrified I was?’

‘Are you seriously opening up to me?’ Emilia asked, finally turning her head to face Sarah, looking her in the eye.

‘Yup. We did call a truce after all, didn’t we?’

‘I guess you’re right.’

‘You certainly put your trust in me’ Sarah went on. ‘Didn’t you. I guess it makes sense that I want to help you.’

‘You want to help me?’

Sarah frowned then, quickly glancing away.

‘Don’t…don’t make this weird.’

‘Sorry.’

‘I just want to…. I don’t know. If you were one of my friends, I’d do the same.’

‘Does that make us friends then?’ Emilia smirked, ‘since you’re trying to help me.’

‘No way’ Sarah spoke promptly, her tone short. ‘Don’t push your luck’ she finished sharply.

‘Fine.’

A silence passed between them.

‘Anyway, what I was going to say…. if you were my friend, which you’re not, but if you were, I would encourage you to talk to this girl. I know it’s scary. I’ve been there. When I first approached my now boyfriend, oh my god it was a total mess.’

‘What happened?’ Emilia asked, glancing towards her.

‘Curious now? I hate this memory. No, that’s not really true. I guess it would make a funny story to tell our children when they’re old enough.’

‘You guys are pretty serious then hu?’

‘Yup. I want to marry him, house, kids, the whole thing…. anyway.’ Sarah scratched at her cheek uncomfortably, going a little red then. ‘Um, when I first spoke to him, I had a nosebleed.’

Emilia instantly sniggered.

‘Shut up. Anyway. Um, I was talking to him, God I was nervous, and he was giving me a funny look, I was horrified when he um…said…. that I was….and uh…. I got nervous and sneezed.’

‘AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAA!’

‘It’s not that funny’ Sarah huffed.

‘It really is’ Emilia giggled. ‘God, I wish I was there! AHAHAHAHAH.’

I’m fucking dying!

‘Well, I’m glad I managed to make you laugh’ Sarah rolled her eyes.

‘So, what happened after that?’

‘Well, I was crying in the toilets, thinking that my life was over…but…well, long story short, my friend spoke to him, and uh…he came to find me…’

Sarah trailed off.

‘…the rest is history.’

‘That’s so sweet.’

Sarah smiled.

‘Whatever,’ she looked away sharply then, her movements seemingly agitated, but there remained a slight smile upon her face.

Emilia took a slow and steady breath, brow furrowed suddenly in determination.

I can do this!

‘Alright!’

‘Hm?’ Sarah glanced back at her.

‘I’m gonna do it.’

‘Oh cool.’

‘You need to go away’ Emilia told Sarah, waving her away feverishly.

‘What’s this?’ Sarah sniggered. ‘Is that you being insecure?’

‘I’m about to do something super-scary’ Emilia said to her, not looking in her direction. ‘And I think you should leave.’

Sarah stared at her for a few moments longer, before smirking again. She unfolded her arms, rising to her feet, she turned and walked away.

‘Alright then, good luck.’

But Emilia barely heard her. Her concentration was still fixed on Naomi.

I can do this. I can do this.

Emilia stood, striding forwards, doing so without a pause so as not to give herself time to begin to doubt herself.

Not gonna do it. Not gonna doubt or overthink. Just face it and get it over with. What’s the worst that can happen?

She then gave a feeble giggle to herself, palms sweating profusely.

Save me Jesus.

 *

She approached Naomi, who was standing with her friends. But Emilia only saw her, her vision tunnelled.

Emilia stood there awkwardly for a few seconds, until the girls began to notice her.

One of them spoke. ‘Are you ok?’

‘Uh…. yeah’ Emilia smiled awkwardly.

The edges of her lips began to twitch, more like a sort of spasm than anything else.

Why is my face doing that? How do I stop it? It must be the nerves.

‘C-can I speak to Naomi alone?’ Emilia said.

There was a slight pause. The other girls hesitated, unsure of the situation. No doubt this was all very strange to them.

At long last Naomi broke the silence.

‘I’ll meet up with you guys later’ she said to her friends.

‘Do you want me to stay?’ one of them said.

‘No, it’s ok. I’ll be fine. I won’t be long. You guys go on ahead.’

Slowly they wandered off, a few of them sending curious glances back at them both.

Naomi waited until her friends were some distance away before glancing back to Emilia and speaking.

‘So what’s up?’

‘Uh.’

Emilia felt her heart in her throat, the sound of blood rushing through her hears, her mouth dry like dry sand.

She couldn’t even think at all by this point.

‘Are you ok?’ Naomi asked.

‘Y-yes.’

Emilia clenched her hands, her body actually beginning to tremble now. She hoped Naomi didn’t notice.

Since when was I so weak?

‘What do you want?’

‘I have a crush on you and wanted to know if you would go out with me’ Emilia blurt out.

Naomi seemed taken aback.

Emilia stood frozen to the spot, terrified.

‘Oh’ Naomi finally said. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t feel that way about you. I don’t even really know you.’

‘W-well maybe you can.’

Oh my god I sound desperate.

‘It isn’t like that’ Naomi said, ‘what I meant was, I am not that way inclined.’

‘You’re not?’

‘No. Sorry. I’m flattered though.’

Emilia stood there, unable to process. She had not considered what she would do at this point.

Naomi stared at her.

‘Are you ok? You look a little…’

Emilia’s hand went to her head then, and she looked downwards.

‘I feel a little…. light-headed…’

Emilia’s vision began to cloud over.

‘I….’

She collapsed, completely losing consciousness.

 [END OF CHAPTER 12]