I didn't know where to go, I had no idea, it was getting darker and darker and I was walking through empty streets. Minutes of hours passed, it was past midnight I was freezing but still a ni with what was in my head.
Eventually I spotted a bridge I don't know what I wanted to do but I went and sat on it. My legs were dangling down the side of the water. I don't know if it would be a good idea to lean over and fall. If I did that my family friends would definitely suffer but if I didn't and stayed they would suffer too.
I had to choose what would cause them less pain but I didn't know. If I jumped they would only suffer for a while, but if I stayed they would suffer until the end.
No matter what I choose they will suffer. I don't know what to do, tears were pouring from my eyes and I was shaking all over, I closed my eyes and
-JAKE- I opened my eyes and saw that there was my mum and Peter on the bridge, when I saw them I saw all of our happy crags and I realised that I didn't want them to end. I got up and walked over to them and they hugged me tightly. We all cried and Peter gave me his jacket, even though it was too small I felt safe in it.
-Sweetheart,why didn't you tell us how you felt?
-I didn't want you to worry and suffer.
-Jake you are our world we can't imagine life without you. You are the love of my life and I will always worry about you and so will your mother because we love you and you will never be a burden or a source of suffering for us. You are the source of our happiness.
-oh Jake, even if you think you're hurting us, you're not, when you were angry with me I wasn't upset because of you, I was angry with myself for making the wrong decision
-You never hurt me either, you're the reason I'm happy
I couldn't say anything but for the first time in a long time I felt the negative emotions disappear from me and my thoughts start to calm down. I felt true happiness.
-Jake I have something for you
-What's that?
-Letter that dad wrote for you
My mother handed it to me and my hand was shaking so much that I was afraid I would drop it.
I think this letter was just what I needed.
-Jake all right?
-Yes, you don't even know how much
-Okay kids let's go home. Peter would you like to stay with us tonight?
-Of course
We got into the car and drove home. This time on the road we talked a lot, I talked about everything that was going on inside me and mum and Peter talked about how it looked from their perspective.
When we reached home I felt as if a huge weight had fallen off me.
-Maybe we'll order a pizza and watch a movie
-Clear. Mum can we make this pizza ourselves?
-Of course darling, then come into the kitchen
-And in a moment I would like to talk to Peter in my room about something
-Well, tell me when you're ready
-Okay
We went to my room Peter was probably afraid of what I wanted to talk to him about, you could see that he was concerned about today's situation but I knew that what he wanted to do would please him and me too.
-That's what you wanted to talk to me about?
-Will you pass me the basket?
-What?
-Pete will you pass me the trashcan there standing in the corner
-okey, and what do you want to do with it
-Something I should have done a long time ago
I took the pill packs the empty ones and the full ones and threw them all in the bin.
-Come on, let's throw this rubbish away, I don't need it anymore
-Bright
After taking out the rubbish, I asked Peter to help me clean my room, I wanted to end this bleak period in my life with this.
- Mother Jake how much you haven't cleaned here
-Very long
-We won't clean this up for a week
-We have to because we are still going to make pizza today
After about three hours my room looked really beautiful, I had already forgotten what it looked like.
We went to the kitchen to make the pizza and this time we managed to make it in order, I don't think any of us wanted to clean up anymore today that we were careful not to make a mess.
The pizza was really good. We ate and watched marvel it was really cool. Then we went to my room we changed into our pyjamas and Pete said he had something for me
-What surprise have you come up with again?
-I'm already showing you
He fired up an old video on my laptop that he had recorded when we were still in Brazil, I had tears in my eyes, and I hugged him
-Thanks for this gift, again
-I'm glad you're better now
He was right I was better and I felt like I was once happy and full of life I didn't think I would ever feel like that again but I did. I am happy and have a super life, a loving mum, a boyfriend and great friends.
-Ey Pete I have a request
-What?
-You're going to go to my dad's cemetery with me tomorrow, I'd like to say goodbye to him, I'm ready now
-of course,If you want it
The next day we went to the cemetery I was there for the first time since my dad died, I was better that during this farewell my mum and Pete would be supporting me.
-Hi Dad, I'm sorry I'm so late. I love you and I miss you very much, although it was difficult I finally managed to come to terms with your death, I hope we will meet again one day, but I'm in no hurry I have because I have a wonderful life and I want to be in it. I love you dad
I've finally managed to close a phase in my life, and now I'm ready for the next one with my mum and my boyfriend.
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