Fight
Today I have the operation, Dr Wood came in and explained everything again in detail how it would look and what my treatment would be like after the operation. I was very stressed but felt it was going to be okay. Jake kept going on and on about what we were going to do when I got better and that I had nothing to be scared of, although he tried to reassure me I could see he was nervous about it himself but he tried not to show it.
Finally the time came, I said goodbye to my parents, Sophia and Jakei and headed to the operating theatre.
I don't know when exactly I drifted off, but when I woke up I was already back on the slai and Jake was sitting by my bed.
-Jake
-Pete wts how do you feel?
-Good, but I don't have the strength,
-So it's normal and how do you feel?
-Good, good just a little tired
-Sleep Pete, sleep
And I drifted off again, I don't remember much of that day just some flashes. The doctors talking to my parents Jake who was saying something and Sophie who was showing me something. It was a really strange time.
I stayed a few more days in hospital but finally I could go home, I was looking forward to it because I missed him. I was finally able to sleep in my bed.
When I entered the house I thought I would go straight to sleep but I was wrong, my friends were waiting there, they were standing there with a cake and a banner , "Welcome home".
-What is it?
-You thought we wouldn't celebrate your homecoming somehow
-You didn't have to
-Of course not, but we wanted to. At the hospital we gave you peace of mind, but don't even count on it here.
-Tell us how you feel
-Good, now I will have some peace and quiet and start chemotherapy
-so you're unlikely to be bored
-No chance
I was really touched by everything they did for me.
At first I was afraid that I would be a burden to them, but that is not the case this situation makes our relationship even stronger even Thomas and Sarah have stopped arguing all the time and it really is a miracle. We had grown up, you could say we were ready for adult life.
At first after I came back everything was fine I spent a lot of time with my friends with Jake, but the fear started to get to me more and more I heard a lot about the side effects of chemotherapy, that even if I managed to recover there could be a relapse. I've had a couple of these before but recently it's started to get stronger.
-Mom Does this treatment even make sense?
-What of course he has
-And what are the chances that everything will go well and there will be no relapse, I don't want my last moments to be spent in hospital or under an IV.
-Last moments, Peter
-Yes how do you know if I won't die or if it's all in vain, maybe I won't even live to see my own birthday!
-I understand that you are afraid but if you decide to stop treatment you will die sooner than you think , and ot treatment gives you a chance for the future. I can't force you to do anything, it's your body and you decide what to do next. No matter what you choose we will always be there for you.
-I have to choose between death and the chance that maybe I won't die, and what if it doesn't help anyway and just wastes time, which I don't have much of.
-It's not fair that you experience something like this but unfortunately you have to make decisions
-I think I'd rather try not to die
-Wise decision, lie down and rest your son and don't agonise over it anymore.
Some things are beyond our control but we can try to make them good for us.
-good, thanks for your help
-You can always count on me.
Maybe I should actually trust the doctors who want to help me because, after all, if there was no chance of success they wouldn't have sent me for treatment they would have just said there was nothing more they could do, which is unfortunately what Jake's dad had. I have a chance to get better and I can't waste it. I finally understand his words.
Jake
What do you do?
Peter
Nothing interesting I watch films
Jake
Without me!
Peter
So you're not there
Jake
wait for me, I will come to you soon
I was very anxious for Jake to come to me. We had been through a lot together and we promised each other that if we felt bad we would be afraid of something,
We are supposed to talk to each other about it straight away. When he came I told him all about it, he tried to comfort me and we talked about it a lot, sometimes when you feel bad just talking to someone close to you is enough to make you feel better.
I'm finally going for my first chemotherapy I'm very stressed because I know what side effects it can have but I'm trying not to think about that, just that it will make me better.
I sat down and watched them attach a tube to my body, Jake was by my side the whole time. Doctor Wood came in to check that everything was going well.
-And how is Peter ready?
-Yes Mrs Wood
-You've got nothing to be afraid of. -Calm down, relax, it's going to take a while. It's a good thing Jake's here to make sure you don't get bored. You've got a mission Mr Foster, I want Peter to stay awake, can you handle that?
-Of course, Mrs.
-And that's what I wanted to hear
Jake kept asking me how I felt or if I was in pain, and then we started playing a game where Jake described a movie and I had to guess the title. I guess I guessed 15 out of 22. He also started planning my birthday, he wanted to do a big party but I asked him if he wanted to do something if we could just be the two of us and stay home. I used to enjoy a huge party but now it's a different situation, I just don't have the strength I'm weakened and I know I wouldn't enjoy such a party rather I would just wait for it to be over. I've calmed down as Jake has promised me that he will throw my birthday party with these two of my requests. Jetsem was curious to see what he would come up with. Finally Dr Wood came in and said it was over for today. Chemotherapy isn't as scary as I thought, now I won't dread it anymore. Jake did a great job with the task the doctor gave him, as he kept me so busy I didn't even notice how much time had passed and I could finally go home.
When I got home I tried to go to bed but Jake kept texting me how I was feeling.
I may have stopped being afraid of chemotherapy but he hasn't.
Jake
Are you feeling well? No nausea or anything else?
Peter
I've got a bit but calmly, you know I'd like to go to bed can I?
Jake
You have my permission
Peter
Oh thank you my lord
Jake
I love you
Peter
I love you too
Unfortunately, the chemotherapy also had side effects. I lost my hair, I have a rash and often feel nauseous and vomit. It's hard for me but I know I can do it I have to give I have someone to live for. Christine helps me with school she makes sure I stay on track. Thomas keeps telling me about his girlfriend who he started dating two months ago, her name is Rose, and Sarah and I keep talking about what we are going to do after school because we are still not quite sure.
I have even improved my relationship with my sister which was not very good before.
Jake started calling me my pirate which made me laugh. I had always had curly hair, which Jake liked to let down, and now I had no hair, only a scarf on my head, which is why this genius started calling me a pirate.
Today is my birthday and I can hardly believe how much has happened since the previous one, I wanted to get some more sleep but Jake came into my room.
-Don't sleep the jeweller or you'll oversleep your 17th birthday.
-I don't sleep anymore
-Are you somehow going to get dressed or are you going to spend it in your pajamas
-I honestly prefer wearing pyjamas because they are comfortable
-There's no problem it's your day and you decide, then what do we watch movies and then bake something?
-I see you haven't come up with anything better
-Ej I had my ideas limited by a certain person maybe you can guess who
-may
Sometimes I wonder how much one person can suffer up to a critical situation, such as Jake once was, but he pulled himself together, It showed me that we are not indestructible and how hiding our true feelings is dangerous. It's the psychological wounds that are more dangerous than the physical ones, because the psychological wounds will eventually disappear and the wounds in the head will leave their mark, which cannot be easily removed. Thanks to all this, I know that you should not suppress what is happening to you, but ask for help from someone close to you whom you trust, or seek professional help.
-Before we start I would like to give you something
-What's that?
-No gift of course
When I saw what he gave me I was reminded of the gift I gave him on his birthday. He had chosen a gift in a similar style to mine. He gave me my T-shirt that I had left at his house when I first stayed with him. I kept saying I would take it later until I finally completely forgot about it. There was still a bric-a-brac from Brazil I even remember him buying it and our photo from the beach together. Tickets from the cinema when we were at that Brazilian film and a headband.
Each of these things reminded me of the wonderful moments we had gone through together. I kissed him and he said it wasn't over yet. I don't know what else he came up with. He showed me a video on his phone that he had recorded himself
Pete, you once made me a film like this. It may not be very long, but I'm saying it all from the heart. I'm glad to have you, I can't imagine how I would live without you. You have supported me in difficult moments in my life even though you have had a hard time too, you have always been a support to me and I want to be for you too
because I love you, my pirate
-I love you very much too so why don't we bake something now because I'm a bit hungry
-Sure
For about two hours we tried to bake a cake and when we could taste it in the rest we decided we'd better call for pizza. Jake laughed that he takes his talent for baking from his mum. Then we watched movies for about fivex hours, it may not be a very exciting birthday but for me it's perfect.
In the evening I got a present from my parents that I didn't expect. They bought me a dog it was huge.
-I can't believe you bought me a dog!
-Yes, now you have to give him a name
I thought for a long time but finally knew what I would call it.
-what do you already know what to call him?
-Yes, Tony
-Tony?
-Yes- I was reminded of that list I got from Jake when I was in the hospital and I finally wanted to start making those dreams come true
-Jake ot we still have a cat left Steve.
After all the presents, cooking and movies, we went to bed with Jake and Tony.
-And how did you enjoy your birthday?
-I couldn't imagine better, I love you
-I love you too
However, the risk paid off and now I can enjoy life. You should never lose hope because that is the worst thing you can do. Don't look down on others when your opinion or views are different from the rest. Standing out is not a bad thing, don't let someone destroy your life or let them rule it because it's only your life and you decide what happens in it. I took my life into my own hands and now I'm happy and it feels meaningful.
I am already looking forward to the next adventures that await us in the future.
We are ready.
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