Bouts and Numbness
Thursday, 06 December 1810
I’ve begun feeling numbness of emotion. ‘Twas dull and I’ve been thinking I was never been desired by those ghastly memories of my least dearly departed grandfather. He was a wretched fool who ne’er wanted to appreciate me as a desirable heir. He always punished him for discipline. His ghastly appearance ne’er fades as I kept doubting myself as if I weren’t a perfect heir. My grandfather was a tall older man wearing a old powdered wig. He fought several wars for his approval from his father. ‘Twas naught but arrogance and hubris to please his father. He cared for both Uncle Charles and Father. He claimed how he approved of their choices despite such disagreements with Uncle Charles.
He would want to see his first grandson as a disciplined young gentleman. He ne’er wanted to see me as weak and submissive, yet he saw me as the latter. ‘Twas unfortunate some lasses were seen as inferior. Some were forced to shame by society, yet I was fortunate I befriend them.
Gilbert saw me as his dear wife which she wasn’t pleased. I was ne’er pleased upon his appearance and such unkind mistreatment to his daughter. I wanted him to be gay after mourning his poor wife’s death, yet something was wrong ‘bout him. He gave me such questionable bouts. Questionable bouts questioned me how these vile men saw these ladies. I ne’er seen them to be too delicate nor fair. I was seen too delicate for a lad, sometimes reluctant as one.
Invitation to a Masquerade Ball
Wednesday, 19 December 1810
The Marquess and Marchioness announced a masquerade ball for their annual ball this Saturday. I was prepared for the ball, yet Mother accepted the invitation unlike yesteryear.
I noticed a horse galloping outside Penworth. A familiar lass arrived in a riding habit. Her silhouette is below the bust, particularly on the waist. She wore a gentleman’s hat. ‘Twas not unusual for ladies to wear with a riding habit or a pelisse. Dominique warned me and Mother not to consume such amounts of berry syllabubs since she witnessed my passing. ‘Tis embarrassed me.
The Masquerade Ball
Saturday, 22 December 1810
We arrived earlier at the ball. Mother kept an eye on me on the ball. She was ne’er pleased with my attitude from the last annual ball. She ne’er forgets Dominique’s warning—an intimidating lass!
Elinor and Daniel arrived at the ball, along with Jane. Benjamin did not announce his return to England, yet he wrote letters to me.
Dominique looked macabre. She wore two memento mori earrings, and a mask bearing resemblance of Death. Her father once wore the same mask on a masquerade ball. I wasn’t keen to impress for a masquerade unlike others. Her mother dressed as Juno and her father dressed as Jove. Mother dressed as Ceres which reminds me of her loss of Aunt Agnes.
I had a dreadful sight of a familiar fop. I froze upon as a masked man began to stare at me. Alas, ‘twas him! I tried to avoid him till he approached me. He pushed Dominique away from him, and asked me for a dance. I was reluctant to dance with him. We performed a minuet whilst everyone stared and gossiped in the ballroom. The Marchioness and Mother were vexed. She ordered the quartet to stop performing the minuet. The Marchioness asked us for a private conversation in the drawing room. Mother was present and displeased. Dominique’s mother was vexed of Gilbert. Dominique and I left from her mother's orders, leaving the conversation towards Mother and Gilbert. ‘Twas frightening since this would cause a scandal…Alas, an aged respected gentleman dancing with a young nobleman! Neither Mother nor I was pleased with him.
The Marchioness apologised and favoured everyone to forget the incident. Dominique and I were reluctant for our first dance.
Betrothing for My Dear Friend
Monday, 24 December 1810
Alas, the engagement is ‘bout to start! Mr. Montgomery informed me not to fret of their presence. They must be arriving hither by afternoon or evening. Her family shall arrive this evening. Oh goodness, they arrived earlier than expected! The Marquess and Marchioness arrived, so as my dear Dominique. Her brother, Viscount Woodside, arrived along his wife. Her siblings weren’t much invited hither. Lord Alexandre and Lord Alphonse weren’t much interested. Her married sisters Lady Cornelius Jennings and Lady Dudley Lennox weren’t present for this betrothal. Her youngest sister Lady Monique wasn’t present over an illness.
Lord Woodside complimented my manners as a proper gentleman. He described his brothers as impish for their troublesome behaviour. The twins caused such nonsensical havoc in the family, but they ne’er do it outside Woodside since their parents are aware of their behaviour. As he recalled, they caused chaos during his betrothal with his wife.
Dominique and I left supper and went to the library. I noticed the twins followed us as the rest of our family. Dominique and I were vexed. She accepted my betrothal, yet she gave me such affectionate gesture for her fondness for staying hither. The Marquess and Marchioness weren’t pleased with our affection. They told us our affection must stay after our wedding.
Exchanging Miniatures
Friday, 28 December 1810
‘Twas four days after the proposal. We exchanged miniatures of ourselves with locks. Both miniatures we exchanged were painted by her mother. Her mother was a great miniaturist. I commissioned her eye miniatures for me and Gilbert. A day after our betrothal, the Marchioness offered me to visit Woodside. She began painting a miniature of me and her daughter on ivory.
Father sent us a letter which he wrote a day after Mother announced our engagement.
"26 December 1810
My dearest Colin,
I must congratulate you for betrothing a daughter of my dear friend. Your ancestor Patrick would be proud of you if you could sense him.
Your father,
The Earl of St Ives"
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