CW: Horrible Chapter - summary in description for those who want to skip it.

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Dinner’s long over, and we’re already well on our way to party mode, when finally the door opens and Fuzz comes in. He’s looking rather down, but smiles into the room anyway. I try to catch his eye, but he’s not looking at me. He’s eying Ogon.

“Yo, got a minute?” He says.

Ogon nods and gets up, following Fuzz back into the hallway. I am not a complete idiot, so I know what this must be about. The reason Ogon’s even here, is because he’s everyone’s dealer. I saw Bharin buy coke off him only ten minutes earlier, and I don’t think he’s the only one to do so.

Yet, when it takes more than five minutes for Fuzz and Ogon to return, I’m starting to feel anxious. What if I’m wrong? What if there’s something else? What if they’re talking about me? Ogon likes to stir up trouble, so maybe…

I’m heading out of the room  before I even register that I’ve gotten up. I check the kitchenette, but they’re not there. However, I can hear voices from a room farther down the dark hallway. I follow the noise.

"Ow, fuck. That hurts!" Fuzz' voice, but I've never heard him like that. It sounds angry and pleading at the same time.

"Stop squirming! I'm doing you a favour here, beggar boy." Ogon growls.

What the fuck?

Is Fuzz hurt? Did he step in some glass or something? It is likely, since I’m not sure we’ve cleaned up in all the unlit rooms. Is Ogon helping him get it out?

I stop for a beat, wondering if I should get the vodka for disinfectant. But I realise Ogon probably already would have thought of that.

I make my way over to see what the fuss is all about, and if I can help. But before I even reach the door, I'm startled by an anguished whine. "Ah, no, please..."

"Shut up and take it!" Comes the gruff reply, followed by a slamming sound.

My gut clenches. This doesn't feel okay.

I march over, and open the door. But whatever I was expecting, it wasn't this.

In the dim light of my phone flashlight, I find Ogon has Fuzz bent over the sink, one hand firmly gripping his hair, the other on his bony hip, fingers digging in deep as he slams his hips into the boy. The blonde boy’s trousers are on his ankles, head banging against the wall, tears streaming from his face as he clenches his jaw to muffle his cries.

His eyes widen in shock as he sees me enter. Ogon turns his head as well, stopping mid-thrust.

"Fuck off, we're busy." He says. But I'm not listening. I'm exploding. I'm gonna kill that motherfucker right fucking now.

I launch myself at the man, my fist catching his nose before he can even pull out.

I hear screaming, and only realise it's me when I've landed two more hits on the larger man.

He catches my fist when I try for the fourth, then socks me in the face with a punch like a hammer. I fly backwards and hit the wall hard.

"Fuck!" Ogon screams, before pulling his pants up. He immediately turns to Fuzz, who seems completely frozen in shock. His mortified gaze still fixed on me.

As I scramble to my feet to put myself in front of the blonde boy, Ogon spits at him.

"You're not getting anything from me ever again. Keep your goddamn boyfriend on a leash, for fuck's sake. This isn’t cute."

He starts to make his way out of the room, but to my complete shock Fuzz reaches out and catches his arm. "Please..." he begs.

"No way. No payment, no pills. Although maybe you can get your little sugar daddy to pay for you."

I can't even begin to take this in. But I know enough to understand the situation, and in this moment I'd do absolutely anything to get Ogon to get the fuck away from us.

So I grab my wallet and ask how much.

"Ravi, don't..." I hear Fuzz whimper behind me, but I don't take my eyes off the enemy.

"Fifty." Ogon replies gruffly.

I fork over the cash, receiving a tiny ziplock bag of pills in return. Ogon walks out, slamming the door behind him.

I let go of the breath I was apparently holding, and suddenly everything hits me at once.

My legs buckle and I fall to my knees, my wallet and the pills falling to the floor alongside me. My breathing turns into desperate heaves as the room spins.

Fuzz touches my shoulder, and I flinch, swatting his leg in the process.

He retracts his hand, and a shaky whimper falls out of his mouth: "You shouldn’t have done that..."

What.

My adrenaline flares back up as my mind replays me the scene I walked in on. I jump and turn to the younger boy.

"I shouldn’t have done that?! Goddamnit Fuzz, you were being raped! Of course I had to-"

"It wasn't rape!" Fuzz interrupts me. "I didn't have any money so..." he turns his head in shame.

"So you let him hurt you? For drugs? For a fifty?!" I'm furious. "And what kind of sick fuck goes along with that? You're fifteen for Chist’s sake! How dare he put his filthy hands on you, make you hurt even. I heard you begging, Fuzz. Don't tell me you wanted this!" I rant.

When the boy's watery blue gaze finds me again, he looks like he's about to break. Yet his soft voice is steady when he asks me: " how did you think I make money in the first place?"

I don't know what to say. I feel like the floor is swept away from under me. Like I'm falling down some sort of abyss. And the only thought dominating my mind is that this is wrong. Everything is so wrong.

I don't even notice I'm crying until my lips taste salt. Fuzz is just standing there. I see him turn his gaze to the floor for a mere second, before a torn look flashes across his face.

Oh Jesus...

I pick up the pills and hand them over in silence.

The way he looks at me when he receives them is so utterly heartbreaking, I can't help but pull him into an embrace. He freezes instantly.

"You don't need this Milan. You don't have to do this. You can..."

"What? Get a normal job? How? Runnaways can't get a normal job. We'll be reported and dragged right back to the abuse. Also, what do I even have to offer? I'm not good at anything!"

"You don't have to be good at anything!" I retort. "I wash dishes! You can wash dishes! We're always looking for more dishwashers. I can tell Hans you are available and then..."

Wait. I can't go back to my job. My parents will find me.

"Figured it out just now, huh?" Fuzz murmurs gently. Then pops a pill like it's nothing.

"Fuck..."

"Yeah fuck. Ravi, it's your home, your education, your job, your future. Are your parents that bad that it's worth throwing that all away?"

But I can't go back... Right?

"My father died when I was seven. My stepfather started abusing me when I was ten. It took three years for me to finally muster the guts to tell my mother, and she didn't believe me. She told me that I probably seduced him, and beat me instead. Yeah my life sucks, but it's better like this. At least I make my own choices now."

I'm absolutely horrified. I can still see him in my mind's eye. 5-year-old Milan, running around the neighbourhood with his golden hair and his bright eyes. Asking all the older kids if they wanted to play with his toys. How could someone do this to that sweet innocent little boy? How could...

Tears well up in my eyes again, but Fuzz interrupts me right before the dam breaks.

"Ravi, I don't know what your homelife is like, and maybe its horrible beyond imagination. You don't have to say if you don't want to. But please... You're so smart. Think this through. I'm sure you can do better than this. You shouldn't go down with us losers..."

But my homelife is nothing. NOTHING compared to what he had to go through. What Joshua an Anna had to go through. What all of them had to go through.

I'm running away to avoid punishment. I'm throwing my life away for a scolding I really deserve. Fuzz is wrong. I'm not smart. I’m an idiot.

And suddenly I'm so incredibly ashamed of myself. And I can't stop the tears. They come and they fall in an endless stream of sorrow.

"Can I hold you?" Fuzz asks me. And I don't even have to say anything. I bite my lip and nod. His arms are around me in a second, I squeeze him hard an bury my face in his bony shoulder. And then we just stand there.

At one point I feel Fuzz relax against me, melting in my desperate embrace. And for a moment, I don't think about anything but the warmth of his body, his heartbeat, his breath on my skin.

One moment, in which everything is completely fine, reality blocked out, and we're just two boys that maybe like eachother just a bit.

Until Fuzz tears me back to the gruelling truth.

"Want one too?" He asks. "You did pay for them."

I choke. "Please don't do this to yourself Milan... Please don't do this anymore. I can't..."

"You can't save me Ravi." He tells me off with a chuckle. "No matter how many times you disturb my business, there's no saving me. It's too late for that. But you can still save yourself. And I think you should. You don't belong here."

Then he walks out. Just leaving me with those words bouncing around. And I stand there for a while. Motionless. My mind spinning.

When I get back to the big room, I find Lars and his girlfriend shooting up heroin. Out in the open, where everyone can see. No one even bats an eye either.

An hour ago, I'd have been shell-shocked. Not now. Now I'm only more convinced. This is absolute horror. Nothing about this is okay.

I pack my stuff without saying anything.

I get some curious looks at first, but I guess the look on my face is telling the whole story for me. That, or maybe Ogon said something before I came back.

He must have, for no one stops me from leaving. No one even says anything. And when I glance into the room one last time before I close the door, only Fuzz looks me in the eye. He shoots me an apologetic smile I can’t return.

It only hurts.