I opened my eyes. The only thing that greeted me was a chilling cold, and sweat running down my face and back. The pillow was gone, now on the ground. With bleary eyes, I glanced at the clock, noting how late it was. 

Ruffling my hair, I tried not to recall that dream. Just a few years prior—it'd been my reality. But now it's been reduced to a dream. What a humorless turn of events mein had given me.

I stopped. Well... I didn't have it anymore. I'd been living my life as usual but... doesn't that mean I could return to normal again?

Feeling a bit hopeful, I left my room, wanting to get something to eat. The kitchen was usually active even at odd hours of the night. 

I left my room, shivering. Despite wearing two layers, I was both hot and cold. Grumbling about the stupid dusty library, I dragged my feet through the carpeted hallway. Only when you were sick and weak did the castle seem impossibly large. I wish I could call on an attendant or two to help me but...

'What... he has mein? Poor thing.'

'Your highness? Are you okay? Do you need help?'

'I feel bad for you. How unlucky are you to be one of the few nobles to get mein?'

The gazes. Their eyes. And their curled lips. They followed me wherever I went. I'd dismissed all my attendants a week after my awakening. None could look at me without pity in their eyes. It made me sick.

I was a walking corpse in their eyes, someone to sigh and gossip about as I slowly headed to a predetermined grave. 

They weren't the only ones. Most who found out I had mein had one of two reactions; either pity or they'd begin to distance themselves from me. I still couldn't decide which stung more.

I kept walking, only stopping to cough. Though attendants watched me walk by, no one approached me. 

What was the point in helping someone who was going to drop dead any moment anyway?

I clenched my fist, widening my strides. I wanted to get away from all of this and—

A faint noise, one I'd nearly passed by, was heard. I turned, before slowly walking back. The walls had good sound isolation but sometimes noises would leak out. And this noise...

My heart raced at the familiar sound. I leaned against the door and heard the faint sound of a piano. And I already knew Lu was playing it, probably preparing for another test from her teacher.

She was a prodigy when it came to anything music. She learned songs as easily as she breathed, could learn any instrument she put her mind to, and she loved the piano most of all. I remember attending every single one of her 'performances', usually exclusive for family, and clapping the loudest each time. The grand piano she loved was the one I'd picked, and she'd cried when she saw it during her 9th birthday. 

I'm her biggest fan. Or... was. Now I was just... 

"..." It'd be so easy to open this door. To face her and tell her I wasn't going to die. But my hand refused to move. I stood there, for too long, before walking off.

With the faint sound of the piano growing fainter by each step.

She didn't look at me with pity. She'd begun avoiding me altogether. And in a castle this big, I'd barely seen a glimpse of her. 

I doubt she'd even care that I didn't have mein anymore. And neither would she.

——

I had always been a blunt person. Even when I was a child. When my parents asked me jokingly 'Who's your favorite'—I pointed at my mother without any shame.

I wasn't a mother's boy, it was more like... I knew I could trust her the most. Like a best friend but—still my mother. She'd be there no matter what. Always be on my side. And stay by my side.

Instead of returning to my room after eating, I headed to the second floor. Ignoring all attendants and knights, I headed to where my favorite person was.

The Queen's suite, where the Queen usually entertained guests with tea and sweets, showed off her growing collection of plants and violets, and where I spent most of my time whenever I wasn't studying or training. It was my favorite place in the castle.

At some point, I'd begun to run. I'd hoped this time, it'd be different. That everything that had broken would be magically fixed. 

But again, I was stopped.

"I'm sorry, your highness. This place is restricted. Please turn back." There, barring my entrance, were two knights. Their piercing eyes sent fear into me. And I found myself back to who I previously was—a sickly boy with mein. 

I turned back, sending glances at the suite, hoping it'd open its doors once more. But nothing, even as I descended to the first floor. 

I didn't even want to go back to my room. I... I didn't know where I could go. 

My feet aimlessly walked, until I reached a door once more. I knocked on it, and it shimmered before opening on its own. I walked in with my head down.

The scratching of a pen against paper could be heard. The room smelled of candles, ink, and burnt wood—as the owner regularly knocked the candle lights over. The smell didn't bother me. At this point, it was the last thing I had left.

The door closed behind me as the scratching stopped.

"Ru?" I didn't respond. The chair facing a desk with stacks of papers nearly toppling off, turned. "What's wrong? Wait, are you sick again?" He walked over, placing a hand against my forehead.

"You're burning up! Why are you walking around when you should be in bed? Did anyone give you any medicine? Are you dizzy? Do you want water, I have some here—" I stopped him, grabbing his calloused hand as it retracted.

"Why... won't mother see me? Hasn't she gotten better?" His worried eyes shifted as he gently squeezed my hand.

"She has. She's getting much better. She just... needs more time."

"How much time? How much longer? Aren't I the one dying? Why do I need to stay patient just for her to stop ignoring me and finally look at me? Shouldn't she want to spend every single second with me while she still can? Why... why won't she love me anymore?" The lump in my throat grew impossible to suppress. I bit my lip, trying to suppress the tears.

I hated it... I hated this. I hated being sick. I was at my most vulnerable. It was when I couldn't pretend to be fine, that half of my family couldn't stand the sight of me. 

I used to wonder if they'd become a happy family once I was dead. Would mother finally smile again? Would she stop crying whenever she saw me? Would my little sister pester me to listen to her practice music? Would she beam with joy when I praised her?

Would father stop staring at me with pity in his eyes? Would the memory of Ru Hasselt complete the family of four?

I couldn't even muster up the energy to tell him; 'Surprise, I'm cured now! I can cast spells, and hopefully find one that makes you all love me again!'. If there was a spell like that, I'd use it in a heartbeat. 

But that was just wishful thinking.

I let go of his hand. "I'm sorry. That was stupid. I'm going to bed. Goodnight, father."

"Ru—" I slammed the door behind me and walked away. Slowly. I peeked to see if he might've chased me but... nothing. I felt even worse than before I went to his study.

The next three days were spent recuperating and wanting to recover as quickly as possible. 

And to get far, far away from this place.

——

Returning to the Grand Library felt like a breath of relief. My tense shoulders began to relax and I even smiled at the librarian. She flinched but tried to smile back.

I should practice smiling more...

Ignoring her question of 'Did I do anything to offend you? Your highness?' I grabbed the card from her and closed the door. I wanted to be alone and finish what I started. I'd even brought a bag full of necessities just in case it took longer this time. 

Picking up as many books as I could carry, I plopped down on the comfy sofa again. 

Now, time to begin solving this mystery.