Arcturus found himself staring at a cloudy sky, free from the snowstorm, while sitting on a swinging bench from a porch. He felt unusually relaxed; it was as if stress was entirely uplifted from his body. The gentle breeze tickled his nape and forehead; he realized his hair was short when it was currently long. He noticed his arms were crossed and looked down to see himself gently holding a rabbit; it felt rather smooth for a furry creature.

I guess this is how it ends. A dangerous journey like this had a high risk of failure–death–and Arcturus knew that. If he had truly met his end, he wanted to die in a serene way. While death did feel calm and peaceful, wallowing regret came to him. He had accomplished nothing. He did not want to die; he wanted to keep on living.

“Arc!” The voice caused him to gasp. He turned to see an adolescent girl with auburn hair wearing a school uniform running towards him with worry plastered on her face. Her eye color was the same as his. “Are you really leaving?”

Why are you here? He couldn’t speak up; he wondered if it was shock controlling his nerves. His mouth started to move on its own. “Yes, I made up my mind.” He was confused about why he had no control over his words.

“Why?” An aching sensation stirred within him when he saw her upset expression.

“Because I want to prove to the world that I can accomplish the impossible.”

“You’re going to miss my birthday! Why chase something impossible when you have people who care about you, like me?”

Sadness overwhelmed him as Arcturus raised a hand and patted the girl’s head. He felt his lips curl into a sunken smile. “I’m sorry for being a terrible brother, Ariel. You have Grandma and Grandpa with you.”

 “But, it won’t be the same without you.” She pursed her lips and hung her head low.

He placed the rabbit on the bench as he stood up and placed both his hands on her shoulders. “How about this? I will miss your fifteenth birthday, but I’ll do my best to come back before your sixteenth birthday.”

Lies. He thought to himself. I’m such a liar.

Her face was full of anticipation. “You better promise! I won’t forgive you if you don’t come back!”

Arcturus forced out a chuckle, just so he would conceal his sadness and guilt for a plausible unlikely chance that he would be able to make it back by a year. The thought of breaking a promise churned an unpleasant feeling within him. His heart ached.

I’m sorry, Ariel. I can’t make it to your sixteenth birthday and the ones afterwards. I am dead. I can never see you again.

You are alive. A voice called out to him. He searched the vicinity for the source.

When he turned around, the scenery changed into the black void he had submerged into. He had control of his own words and actions.

You are alive.

When he turned around once more, the rabbit that he held onto was floating in front of him at eye level. The sight of it caused his eyes to widen. He wanted to speak, but overwhelming sadness prevented him from doing so.

The rabbit blurted out, “You can’t die. Not now. Not yet. Not ever. Live.”

Those words resonated into his soul. Tears started trickling down. He covered his mouth to conceal the frown his lips had plastered on. The rabbit started floating away. A sense of urgency came to him as he reached a hand out. His legs were unable to move.

“Don’t go! Come back!”

It did not obey his words as it kept floating further away until it was no longer in his line of sight. All Arcturus felt was distraught as he collapsed onto his knees and laid down. He covered his face with his hands in order to conceal his sadness in an empty void.

With all of his strength, he whispered, “Kori…”

His body felt heavy; it felt like fatigue was draining his energy. Kori had told him he was alive, but he believed the opposite. He believed he was dead and that the afterlife happened to be an amalgamation of nightmares of regrets and despair. How long would he be tortured from these unpleasant dreams? Would they ever stop?

He screamed.