To love again final part
Length: 2 episodes
Martin's pov
Lately, I started going out more. Well, it's always with Ez. That's the nickname I give him. We are becoming closer and closer. I think of him as a friend. I think I trust him but still not fully.
He's fun to hang out with but the last few days Ez seems flirtatious around me. I don't understand why. He's handsome alright but if he has feelings for me, he'll have to understand that I really don't like him like that. I'm a straight man with children, despite that I wouldn't be able to love again. I'm emotionally unavailable I guess.
The fact he's gay doesn't bother me but the idea that he likes me does. He can't like me when I don't even like guys.
I have to make it clear to him. I can't let this go. If he really likes me, well I don't know what I'll do. I still want to be his friend as he's fun to be around but it'll be uncomfortable if he likes me for reals.
So, that's what I'll do right now. I'll clear all that up. So, there are no longer misunderstandings.
"Ez, we have to talk about something."
I notice that he slightly tenses up at the mention of that but he still has a smile on his face.
"Yeah, what do we have to talk about?''
It seems like he is a bit happy but he is hiding it.
"Look, I noticed that you've been flirtatious with me lately but I'm sorry the feelings are not mutual.''
It's noticeable that he is disappointed and a bit upset but he is trying to hide it.
"I'm sorry Ezekiel...but I don't want to stop being your friend."
"What makes you think that?" He tries to say it nicely but fails.
"The fact you like me does." He looks at me clearly upset about it.
"Does it bother you that I like you?"
"Not per se but...if we stay friends...It'll be a bit uncomfortable."
"Yeah...I didn't expect you to like me back. I was just being myself I guess. I'll stop if it makes you uncomfortable."
"Yeah, that'd be nice." I smile sincerely.
"I apologize. I didn't notice it made you uncomfortable."
"It's ok. I just don't want you to think there's a possibility between us or something."
"Don't worry I don't think about that."
"How can you be so sure? You like me."
"I won't deny I have feelings for you but it won't stop me from being your friend. Your happiness comes first and that's what I want for you." For some reason, I feel flustered by that. Strange...
"Wow...so heartfelt."
"Yeah," He smiles with his charming smile of his.
"If there's anything else that bothers you, feel free to tell me ok?"
"Yes, I'll tell you. Thank you for respecting my feelings."
"It's a given."
"Well, it's not anyone that does that really."
"Yeah, and I'm sure you're unfortunately right." He smiles sadly.
"Let's get to work now."
"Yeah"
He seems to be genuine. I appreciate the fact he respects my space and everything. What a good man he is. The perfect boyfriend material. Yeah nope, I'm not thinking of that as a straight man.
———————-
It's been a few weeks since then. The thing is that I think I might have lied a few weeks ago or at least I think so.
It's as if that conversation between Ezekiel and me opened up things for me. I became aware of him. Sure I was weary of how he was acting towards me but I still was more cautious of everything.
He did stop his all-flirting thing thankfully but those last few weeks I couldn't help but notice all the small details of him.
Even more so, it seems like the fact he stopped flirting with me, makes me miss those times he did.
That's what I don't understand. How come I'm missing it once I don't have it? I can't lie Ezekiel has been making me happy those past few weeks, something only my kids did.
Though, it's more than that. He's been making me feel things I don't know if I'm comfortable with, things I strongly believe no straight man should feel. He makes me smile and laugh. I even get summersaults in my stomach as if I were a teenager all over again. He makes me all flustered and a nervous mess all of a sudden.
That's what I mean when I'm weary of him, aware of him. Aware of his physique, his body, his eyes, his hair, his laugh, his smiles, his voice, how he acts, towards others and even me.
I'm really confused by all this. Even if it makes me uncomfortable, I can't help but feel at ease too...I'm slowly starting to trust him too. Not fully but still more than I ever have in those past 7 years.
As he's gay, he should know what this all is about. So I'll ask him about it and it's good that right now I'm at work.
"Ez!" I shout even if his desk is right next to mine.
"Yeah?"
"I want to talk about something.."
"Oh?" He smirks but drops it once he notices my serious expression.
"Something has been bothering me and I want to tell you about it."
"Is it something bad?"
"Well, it could be."
"Is it about your kids?"
"Oh no! They are perfectly fine!" I laugh at that.
"Well, that's good at least. So if it's not then what could it be?"
"Come closer. I don't want the entire office to hear."
"Ok serious, like serious I guess. Personal?"
"Yes.." I say embarrassed.
"Ok"
He comes closer and stands right next to me. Gosh, he's tall even more so when I'm sitting on my office chair. He's handsome today with the way he's dressed. Gosh, why am I noticing all those things?
"You know the conversation we had a few weeks ago?"
"Yeah?"
"I've been having weird feelings since then."
"What kind?" He says curious but worried too.
"Not the bad ones. Don't worry I don't hate you. I just..feel all flustered whenever I'm around you."
"Wow..ok I wasn't expecting that." He smiles.
"Me neither but what does it mean?"
"It depends on what being flustered means for you?"
"You're the gay guy you should know."
"Sense you want my opinion on this matter, I do get flustered sometimes when it comes to you." I blush. Why?
"Really?"
"Yeah, I do. It's part of being..." He smiles but then his eyes go wide as he realizes something and then I do too.
"Oh..."
"That's too far-fetched. As you said you're straight so maybe you're confusing it with being happy."
"I'd like to believe that but...it's been more intense."
"Like what?" He asks curiousness in his tone.
"I don't know...You make me all giddy as if I were still a teenager."
"How sweet. Nothing else?"
"Ah...um..."
I become deep red as I think about the fact I'm aware of him. His smirk becomes stronger and stronger.
"What's making you suddenly so shy?" He teases.
"Ah...um...I believe I'm aware of you."
"What does that mean?" Ugh, why is he pushing me to say it?
I start explaining everything about how I've been feeling about him lately. I do so while feeling embarrassed.
After I tell him everything, he smiles and then he unexpectedly shows up his physique. Oh yeah...I told him about that too.
"So, you notice my body? You think I'm attractive?"
"Yeah..." I say embarrassed and all flustered.
"Well, I guess I'm happy about that."
"What does it mean?"
"You want the honest truth?"
"Yes, please..."
"You're not exactly straight Martin."
"Oh...Wait why do you say that?!" I say all confused.
"I believe...you harbour feelings for me in your heart."
"What?! Does this mean I'm gay?!"
"Calm down Martin. We are at work."
"Yeah sorry..." I say embarrassed yet again.
"I can't know for sure as you're the only one but yeah that's not some straight things. By the way, you can be straight and still feel those things."
"So...I'm not gay."
"I'm not saying you're not but you're perhaps bisexual."
"I don't know...It's all confusing."
"Tell you what. Do you want to explore your feelings?"
"Ez...I'm not ready to love again..." Obviously, his smile drops disappointed but he doesn't seem mad.
"Oh...is it related to your ex leaving you?"
"Yeah...I just...never was able to love again and now I have those feelings..."
"You're not forced to act upon them. It's ok if you're not ready. I'm not forcing you into anything. This is all new to you."
"Yeah, thanks, Ezekiel," I smirk feeling grateful for how nice he is with me.
"I'm just doing what everyone should do."
"And what they don't do." I complete.
"Yeah, yeah I should really stop saying that speech." He chuckles.
"Yeah, you really should."
"Come here."
I get up and he pushes me into his arms. Wow...it feels so comfortable...so right...He's so large too. His scent...mint cologne, I want to smell it.
"Are you smelling me?"
"Oh...um sorry." I push him away feeling embarrassed.
"Hey, I didn't say I minded. You can do whatever you want. I'm ok with that."
"Still, I shouldn't have done that."
"There's nothing wrong with liking a man's scent." He chuckles as he smiles. Gosh, his laugh is so manly. I like it...
"How can you feel so at ease?"
"I guess I just am."
"Thanks, Ezekiel really I mean it." He smiles.
"Hey! What are you two doing?! Start working on the next structure plan!" Our boss yells out and we flinch. Then we both laugh as we finally get to work.
————————-
It's been a few weeks since then. I believe Ezekiel was right. I've been feeling exactly how someone in love would be.
Even if he is being patient with me, I've noticed that he unconsciously touches me here and then.
I love it. I love the contact. I like being around him. He makes me happy. I am slowly falling in love with him and that scares me. It's not the fact I might be gay or that I like guys. Is the fact I don't know if I'm ready to open my heart again, love again.
I indeed like the way Ezekiel makes me feel but am I ready to accept those types of feelings?
What about my kids? I can't forget about them. They are important in this matter. What happens if I do confess to him and we start dating? They don't know him. They've never met him so far. He's a stranger to them.
Are they ready to have someone else in their lives, not a woman but a man instead? Is that a good thing for my children? Will it be a bad thing if they had two fathers? What would the others think? It's still not very common where children have two mothers or two fathers.
It would be a big change. A change I have no idea if they are ready for it. They are still young and they've gotten used to only being with me. Ezekiel, in the picture? How would they feel about that? They seem to love having only one dad. So I fear for them.
I'm currently in the living room and I notice
Lucas that's approaching me.
"Dad, you know that we don't really have a mom yeah?"
Oh lord, why is he talking about this? Is this a coincidence that he's talking about this now when I was just thinking about it a few moments ago?
"I don't know why but I miss her sometimes. I never admit it to you but sometimes I cry because I miss her...
"Oh, Lucas come here.''
He sits down beside me on the couch.
"I miss her too.''
I notice some tears starting to fall on his pretty face.
"Do you really Dad? You've never told me the full story about Mom and you...Sometimes I ask myself, what if she didn't leave?''
I can feel myself becoming emotional too. I decide to start hugging him.
"Lucas, Lucas. I know how it can be painful for you and maybe Stacie. I think you might be old enough to know the full story.''
"Really? You promise you'll tell me?"
"I think it's time you know anyways."
"Thanks, Dad." I smile at him despite the fact I'm about to tell him the truth.
I end up telling him the whole truth. Somehow he doesn't seem nearly as faced as I thought he'd be.
"Oh, sometimes I hate her but I still can't bare to hate her since she's my mom." He says.
"Yeah, me too I feel the same."
"Dad, will you ever love again?" My heart drops at that.
Where is that question coming from? He never asks me those types of questions.
"Maybe I will but I'm not sure I'm ready to open my heart again. You and Stacie are my priority."
"But Dad...I want you to be happy."
"Me too but you're happiness comes first."
"Dad, don't say that."
We get interrupted by Stacie appearing in front of us. Isn't she supposed to be asleep?
"Stacie, why are you out of bed?
"I can't sleep."
"How long have you been here?
"Um awhile?''
Crap, She heard everything for sure. We all start hugging each other. We eventually fall asleep all three of us cuddled on the couch.
————————
Today I'm determined to tell Ezekiel my true feelings. I really do love him. I think I'm ready for this. I believe I'm ready to open my heart again and love again.
I have to calm down my nerves. I invited him to my house since Lucas is at soccer practice and Stacie is at a friend's house.
He's gonna arrive any minute now. Less than a minute later. I hear the doorbell ring. There he is. I breathe in and breathe out one last time.
"Hey, Ezekiel..." I can sense some tension between us for some reason.
"Hey, your house is lovely by the way.'' I awkwardly chuckle.
"Yeah, thanks. I have something important to tell you today..."
"Ok." He says seriously but still with a smile.
We sit down on my couch. I take his hand in mine. I can tell he's confused.
"You know the other day when you told me I might like you but I said I wasn't ready to love again?
"Yeah, what about it?'' He says nervously.
"Well, I've been thinking and I realized that you were right, I do have feelings for you. You mean a lot to me."
He seems surprised at first but then I notice a smile of relief appear on his face.
"I'm sorry I didn't accept sooner...Like I said I wasn't ready to love someone again but I think I am now.''
He seems happy. He hugs me then he stops.
"I'm really glad to hear that but know that I am always here for you. If you're still not ready to get into a relationship, I'll wait how long it takes you to be ready to really love again. I like you and I know that I want you so much it hurts." I blush.
"Thank you so much for supporting me..."
Then he closes the space between us and I feel lips touching mine faintly almost awkwardly and then slowly at first. Then as I let him, it becomes a full kiss, a passionate one that I enjoy every moment of.
I haven't kissed someone in a long time. It feels so good and right. He's the right one. He stops the kiss and then looks at me.
"So?"
"It feels so right," I say.
"I think so."
"Ezekiel"
"Yeah?"
"I like you. I believe you're the one."
"Right now?"
"Yes...I'm ready to open my heart again and love again."
"Then do you mind if I ask you to be my boyfriend?"
"Yes...I want to be your partner but...What about the kids?"
"I'll let you prepare them to get used to this."
"Thanks, Ezekiel."
"Oh, stop it. I'd do anything for who I love." I blush and I notice a faint blush on him too. We then smile happily in love with each other.
——————-
It's been a few months since then. I've absolutely adored every second I've been Ezekiel. I really do love him.
I told my kids eventually I was gay and about Ezekiel. I was surprised at how open they were about it. They just wanted to meet Ezekiel and I granted them that.
Of course, at first, they weren't used to someone else being in their lives but Ezekiel loves them with every fibre of his body and they do. After all, they both admitted they wanted me to be happy and that Ezekiel is the one that makes me happy.
They got used to it. Now we are one big happy family and I finally after all those years started to love again.
The end
The next story will be My Olympian lover.
Length: 2 episodes
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