*The new edited and reformed version.*

My Olympian lover first part
Length: 2 episodes

Scott's pov

Lately, I've been kind of depressed when I shouldn't be. Why should I be crying alone in my living room when I'm dating an Olympian?

It hasn't really been easy the last few days. Tyler left a few days ago for Beijing. He's a freestyle skier and so being one of the best means he left for the Olympics that are officially starting today since it's the opening ceremony.

I've been dating him for a solid 6 years which is a lot saying we were still in our young teens when we started but right now I feel well ashamed, sad and angry even.

Our relationship is supposed to be about love but it truly isn't for me well, maybe it is for him.

For the 6 whole years of our relationship, I have always been asking myself those questions, is he ashamed of me? Is he dating me out of pity? Is he ashamed of being gay? Is he...ashamed of my...handicap? The one that hurts the most.

I'm handicapped, all right? Yes, I can't walk... I've been in a wheelchair ever since I was 10. I'm 20 now.

I don't know why but I haven't really let those questions get ahead of me since I love him and I hope he'll change our situation.

I've been dating him in secret for 6 years and well recently those questions are getting the better of me.

I can't help but think that way. He's been so distant with me. I know he repeatedly said he loves me regardless of my handicap but how can I not be worried when he's literally a freestyle skier in the Olympics? He's living the life I wish I could ahead and I feel so envied that he gets to ski while I'm stuck in a stupid wheelchair.

Before he left for the Olympics, it felt like he didn't want to be there, like he wasn't being genuine with me.

He's really a nice guy and he's charming with his mesmerizing smile but it feels off when he's with me. It hasn't always felt like that.

In the beginning, it felt like a dream to date him. Obviously, our relationship wasn't like today since he was 13 and I was only 14 back then.

He's a really sweet guy. He never made any remarks about me being handicapped, he always made sure I was happy and that I was loved but maybe it isn't so much the case now... 6 years it's a long time right? Things can have changed since then.

Now that he left for his first Olympics and that he will be known worldwide maybe he doesn't need someone like me that can't really help him all that much since I'm in a wheelchair. He needs someone like him that is competitive in sports too right?

I can't help it right now. If we weren't dating in secret I'd feel better about the situation but the problem is that no one knows.

We've been dating in secrets for years. Back in high school, everyone knew him as my friend but now no one knows I'm dating not even that I know who he is. They'll freak out if they knew.

It's hard dating in secret and not seeing him often even less so because of his rigorous training and his competitions but in some way I've gotten used to it.

When you're in a wheelchair, you can't go out much, especially not without someone. So I basically never see him, if he doesn't come to me.

It feels like I'm his dirty little secret and I don't like it. He hasn't cared to come out not even to a friend or his parents. The world I understand but after 6 years it's unbelievable he hasn't done so.

So, that's why I feel so uncomfortable and depressed with no one to talk to about it and it's not like I'll tell him about it. He's busy with the Olympics. I can't bother him.

At least the good part is that my parents know about him. I had no choice but to tell them years ago because how could I not? I can't really go anywhere. So, Tyler comes to my house to see me.

They don't know we are dating and I doubt they know he does freestyle skiing or that now he's an Olympian as I've never told them.

I wanted to keep that part a secret so he could feel like a normal being. I didn't want my parents to like him for the fact he's an athlete and that he loves as well as does ski just like I used to.

They would make it as a replacement for the fact I can no longer ski and I don't want that.

Therefore they think he's just Tyler, Tyler and Tyler. Just a friend of mine that's very nice and that takes care of me.

Honestly, sometimes I don't know how they haven't found out about that yet or that he's been dating me for a while.

I mean I can understand how they haven't found out. They don't follow the Olympics as much as I do. So, they don't have a clue the Tyler they know is in the Olympics right now as I didn't want to tell them.

It's not that I'm scared of coming out to them it's just that I don't want to bother them too much. The fact that I'm handicapped is enough for them, they don't need more issues.

Even my friends don't know I'm dating him. They know I am friends with him because how can I hide that? He used to go to my school.

Though they don't know he's actually in the Olympics as they don't give a damn about the Olympics.

Geez, I'm so emotional right now. I have to face him soon even if it's online but not for long since he has to go to the opening ceremony.

Even if it's online, facing him is still a big thing. I'm crying again what a shame. I start touching my legs which still have scars from my accident. My almost fatal accident...

——————

Oh! he's calling me.

Tyler: Hey Scott how are you? Did you get any sleep?
Scott: Hey! I should be the one asking you that!

He laughs and I end up doing so too.

Tyler: But seriously are you okay? Oh no did you cry? Why would you cry?
Scott: Um no, but what about you, are you excited about the opening ceremony?
Tyler: Of course, I'm excited! It feels like a dream come true. Never thought I would have the chance to be here.
Scott: I can't imagine. Before you leave think about me ok?
Tyler: Of course why wouldn't I think about you? You'll be watching me on tv right?
Scott: Yeah I will, I'm already on the couch right now look.

I show off my sofa via the camera of my phone.

Tyler: Oh yeah I can see that.
Scott: Well I don't want to take too much of your time so I wish you good luck.
Tyler: Oh, thanks. I really appreciate your support you know?
Scott: Yeah of course you do.
-Tyler: Oh well, I love you. I'll face time you after this!
Scott: I love you too.

And just like that, I'm all alone in my living room again. Logically he isn't there but when I face time him I can at least pretend he is there beside me.

This is not the first time he left for a competition. I should get used to it. It looks like he seems more sincere since he's been back there but I'm not quite sure.

What if he met someone else? No, he probably didn't. He's there to focus on sport ok? Yeah, I really should stop jumping to conclusions.

The opening ceremony is about to start. The difference in time is really starting to get to me already. I'll have to stay up at night sometimes just to see my boyfriend on tv. It's ridiculous but I'll do anything for him since I love him.

Ooh, it just started. I think he told me the other day that he might only come out in 1 hour. Yeah, I think he said that. It feels weird watching the Olympics not for entertainment purposes but for my boyfriend...I hope time will go by fast. I wanna see him on tv. I already miss him...

——————

Finally, after 1 hour it's Canada's turn. Oh, he's there! I can see him! He's waving and he's filming with his phone the memorable scene? Yeah, that's like him. He'll probably show me the clip later on.

Aww, he's smiling. He's looking at the camera! I think I might as well melt right here. It feels as if he's looking at me even though he's only looking at the camera. Everyone can see that too. I hope he's thinking about me like he said he would. That smile could be meant for anyone.

Oh geez, I can't even imagine how he must feel right now. He was so excited to go but I can't tell how he really feels right now. I'm not there with him.

Sometimes I wish I would be there with him but I can't...Of course, I can't...I can't be there but I can at least pretend, right? Why am I ruining the moment with things I shouldn't think about?

Awh...they're already done walking...Wow, I was so caught up with what I was thinking about that I didn't see the rest. Huh.. how rude of me. I won't tell him that.

I think he's competing early tomorrow morning. I'll be cheering him on virtually for sure. Welp, I don't want to watch the rest of the ceremony. I'll wait for him to call. In the meantime, I'll go talk to my dad since he just woke up.

—————-

I finally get the call I was waiting for.

Tyler: Hey baby, I'm back from the opening ceremony.
Scott: Oh hey, since when do you call me baby?
Tyler: Oh, I don't know I just wanted to call you that. Some of the other Olympians were talking about surnames for their boyfriends and girlfriends.
Scott: Oh, ok. I don't mind the nickname. Tyler: Oh...I was kinda scared you wouldn't like it.
Scott: It kinda does feel weird since you're the one calling me baby when I'm older than you.
Tyler: Oh, yeah!

He laughs.

Tyler: So, how was I on tv?
Scott: You were charming as usual.
Tyler: Oh, good! I'm glad. So far, I like the experience but now I can't wait to compete. I really want to showcase to the world what I can do.

I chuckle and end up doing too.

Scott: Yeah, I get it. You're impatiently waiting for it.
Tyler: I just love feeling the feel of skis on me.
Scott: Oh, you sure do.

Suddenly, he gets all serious and it worries me.

Tyler: Um...will you watch the news tonight?
Scott: Yeah, why?
Tyler: Uh...nothing just wanted to know if you would watch the news...

Strange...See that's what I'm talking about. One minute he's all nice and sweet, the next he's acting all strange.

Scott: Ok, I don't want to bother you with that but you've been acting kinda off lately...
Tyler: Huh? For real what'd I do to make you think that?
Scott: It's just...Oh, forget it. Pretend I didn't say anything.
Tyler: But...
Scott: No but, forget it.
Tyler: Ok fine, I'll let it go but you'll tell me eventually what's wrong right? I know I'm not here physically but you can still talk to me ok?
Scott: Yeah, I know. We've been dating for years now. I think I would know right?
Tyler: Yeah, you're right...

I swear I can tell he's not happy anymore. Is he hiding something from me?

Scott: Ok so, I don't want to bother you anymore since you need to sleep for your big day.
Tyler: Yeah...
Scott: Goodnight.
Tyler: I love you.

I hang up on him not having the heart to pretend anymore and tell him I love him too.

Normally, I say I love him too back but it was getting kind of awkward and tense. I could tell from here that he was tense and everything. It was time to hang up for sure.

I hope he won't be too mad about it. He kinda deserves it though.

When he gets back from the Olympics we'll have a real talk. I wonder, did someone find out he's gay and that we're dating? Nah why would someone find out now? But then again it would explain his behavior lately.

He loves me but... who knows at this point? 6 years of dating...He might be tired of this relationship or just tired of pretending to be straight in general.

Being an Olympian is already challenging as it is, he doesn't have time to take care of a pitiful handicapped boyfriend, aka me.

Then, he also has to pretend and lie to the world that he's a straight guy while he's been dating me ever since he was 13. That's a lot. I just wish he'd do something about it.

Even if it would hurt, he might as well come clean and admit he doesn't want me anymore. It's dumb to think that way but I can't help but be insecure.

He's been acting strange and he's distant. It doesn't feel right when he says he loves me. It feels like it doesn't go through me.

Would he love me more if I wasn't handicapped? Does it bother him and he won't tell me? I'm sure he'd wish I could ski with him or get to watch him live ski.

Yeah, that's right, I've never seen him ski in real life without a screen. As no one knows him and I know each other even less about our dating, no one cares to help me get there.

Even if those days it's easier for handicapped people to get to places, having a place on a hill to watch others ski while being in a wheelchair is basically impossible for handicapped people. It's not safe there.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't handicapped and I could walk even more so ski like I used to.

Thinking about it makes me think about the memories when I did ski younger. Whenever I'm upset or hurt, I always have the habit of looking at my legs, the scars on my legs bring me back to that day, the day of my accident.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. That day I went skiing with my parents and my sister like we always did. I loved skiing every day. I would even do some competitions even though my parents didn't want to. They wanted me to focus on my studies.

We entered the ski lift to bring us to the top of the hill of the ski slope. I remember I was so excited that day.

Back then, I just got my new pair of skis and I wanted to try them out. I started skiing without any problems until I was in the middle of it. I did a wrong movement and fell off.

Not only did I fall, I rolled terribly quickly down the slope and at a point I was rolling on one of the most spikey parts of it. It was terrifying, to say the least. I thought I was gonna die and I screamed feeling pain from it, though I don't remember much more as I fell unconscious on impact.

I don't know how but I survived. My parents and my sister saw that as well as the other people who were there too. They all watched in horror they said.

They called an ambulance because I was unconscious and I seemed to have badly injured my legs. Apparently, I stayed in a coma for 4 days. That's a lot. I am incredibly lucky that I didn't have my legs cut off or something.

When I woke up, I was devastated to learn the news that I couldn't ski anymore more than the unfortunate fact I couldn't use my legs anymore, as I lost all ability of them. I am paralyzed down from my toes to my hips. I can't really feel them.

Even though I can't ski anymore, I still love watching ski. Who knows where I would be right now if it weren't for my accident?

So when I met Tyler back in middle school and he told me he was a freestyle skier, it was perfect. I knew it was meant to be.

I am dating someone who's doing a sport I love and that I can't do anymore. That's why we understand one other even if I envy him and feel jealous he does what I wish so bad I could do. Now I'm not so sure...I think he's forgetting how our relationship started.

We are far from being the perfect relationship. We have so many issues we never talk about like the fact no one knows about us. I may as well think about it how many times I want, it won't get solved. I mean the only thing that would solve some part of it is him coming out to the whole world but that would be crazy. It's not like that's even possible right?