***

The days started to go by, but it was excruciating. Everyone knew by the end of the week that Jason had quit being the captain of the soccer team and being the MVP of the College League of Sports. His coach tried to convince him several times to come back, his dean even called him into the office, and his parents were contacted. His phone blew up like New Year’s Eve so he just turned it off. Even the sports news channel was asking questions about his sudden disappearance and people were calling for an investigation. He just ignored them.

When questioned by his coach, he looked him in the eyes and told him the truth. He couldn’t do it if he wanted to. While his coach didn’t receive the response he wanted, he could see the sadness and truth behind his expression. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, it was that he couldn’t. His coach understood between the lines and dropped the issue.

He went back for his routine doctor’s visit and started going to treatment twice a week. The only one who didn’t question his sanity was his roommate, and it brought him some peace at the end of the day when he laid his head down.

He had just returned from one of his treatments, sitting at his desk, and staring down at his textbook. He tried to focus, but the pain was unbearable and he ended up passing out. Danny came in and noticed Jason sitting at his desk. He checked to see if he was really sleeping before helping him to bed. Danny noticed the dark lines under his eyes, thinking it was just from lack of sleep. Jason groaned, one you might expect from someone in a lot of pain.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked.

Jason mumbled something incoherent and drifted back into a deep sleep. Danny sighed and moved his bag out of the way so he wouldn’t trip on it. As he did, a pill bottle dropped from his bag and he picked it up. It was a prescription for something he hadn’t heard of, so he googled it. Since when did Jason do drugs?

He stopped to think as the description showed up on his phone. The prescription was a pain killer, a pain killer for what? Had Jason gotten an injury and just hadn’t told anyone? He wanted to question him but knew it wasn’t his place. He let it go, when he probably shouldn’t have.

***

As a few more weeks passed by, Danny noticed a significant change in Jason. It wasn’t just his attitude towards everything around him, it was his own health. Not only did he completely stop exercising, but he stayed up late studying. No matter what time of day it was, Jason was either in class or at his desk. There were brief moments of time when he would disappear and come back later, tired and exhausted.

Danny accidently happened upon the dorm room when he was taking a video call with his parents. Needless to say, they weren’t happy.

“Jason, what is going on with you?” his mother asked.

“I told you, I just made a change.”

“Psychology, seriously? Danny, you’re an athlete not a shrink,” his father criticized.

“What’s wrong with wanting something different for myself?” he asked.

“This isn’t you!” his father said angrily.

“No, I just think your pissed you can’t brag about your star son now that he’s done a 180 on you.”

“Jason!” his mother warned.

“I’m not going back. I told you, like I told the coach, I can’t.”

“But you haven’t told us why. Jason, we are just worried about you,” his mother stated.

He stared at the monitor, unable to answer. He couldn’t talk about it, so what could he possibly say to make them understand?

“That’s it, if you continue down this path of ruin, I’m cutting my support,” his dad threatened.

He felt his insides churn. He knew deep down that even if they got a reason, they would still act this way. They used their reasons as way to justify trying to keep him in line. “Do what you have to.”

He cut the call before they could respond and grabbed his card. Danny walked in, trying to make it seem like he hadn’t heard anything. Jason didn’t seem to care either way and headed out to what he assumed would be the ATM.

Jason pulled all the money he could from the ATM, knowing it wouldn’t last long. When he returned, he sat at his desk and scoured through part time jobs.

“Looking for work?” Danny asked.

“Yeah, you know of any good places?” he asked. Danny gave him a sympathetic look and dropped his own text book onto his lap.

“I don’t know what you’re going through, but if you need me I’m here okay?” Jason looked up with a sarcastic smirk, one he hadn’t seen in a while.

“You? The antisocial man on campus?” he laughed.

“Yeah, I know a thing or two being antisocial,” he joked. Jason’s smirk faded and he nodded.

“Thanks.”

***

At his next doctor’s appointment, he wandered out of the treatment room tired. He was about to pass out and just wanted to go back to his bed. It was when he was on his way out, that he spotted a young teen struggling to go down the hallway. A drip was connected to her and she wore a full gown and cap. He figured she must have been one of the patients in the ward. “You want some help?” he asked.

She breathed heavily, looking up at him in annoyance. Dark lines under her eyes, thin cheek bones, and shaved head indicated she was probably a cancer patient.

“I don’t need help, thanks,” she said in a stubborn voice. He smirked and offered his arm.

“I know, can I do it anyway?”

She looked at him, caving to his pretty boy face and grabbing his arm. He led her back to her room and helped her into her bed.

“On your way out huh?” she asked. He didn’t answer and she continued to speak.

“I am too.”

He looked up at her, wondering if this would eventually be him sitting there. “Any hope for you?” he asked. She laughed, coughing in a fit afterwards. He offered her some water and she took it.

“Any hope for humanity to avoid the end of world?” she contradicted.

“Probably not,” he smirked. It was silent for a moment, so he figured it would be a good time for him to make his exit.

“I see you every time you come in and leave,” she offered. He looked at her, trying to lighten the mood.

“My, my, must be my looks. Are you interested in me?” he joked.

“If I was?” He didn’t answer, not expecting that come back.

“Do you think you could make me not a virgin?” she challenged with a wide smile. He shook his head at her shamelessness.

“I think that would be called taken advantage of a minor,” he offered.

“I also think it would be the start of a wonderful ambiguous relationship,” she jested. He couldn’t help but be embarrassed by her forwardness and she gasped.

“Oh. My. God. You are already in love with someone.” He paused, shaking his head in defiance.

“Yeah. You are. I’ve seen that look before. What’s their name?” He couldn’t say anything, too embarrassed still. “Girl? Guy?” His reaction made her smile in triumph.

“Guy. What’s he like?”

“Everything I’m not.”

“Isn’t that how it usually starts?”

He chuckled and took the empty glass from her, carefully placing it on the tray. In a second she looked at him and became serious.

“Have you told him?” He shrugged.

“Told him what? There’s nothing to tell.” She nodded and glanced out the window.

“You see that brown building there?” she pointed out. He looked at it, wondering what it represented to her.

“I met Lucy there. On the other side of that building is a playground. I was five when it happened. I felt like my world stopped and everything made sense in that moment.”

“What happened?” he asked.

“She died two years ago, leukemia.”

He looked down at his hands. “I’m sorry.”

“Why? It wasn’t your fault.”

“Still, it’s what you say when you hear things like that right?”

“Normally, for people who want to make themselves feel better for asking.” He glanced up at her, not sure what to say.

“I never told her how I felt because I thought I had enough time. Don’t make that mistake, okay?”

“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t feel the same way I do.”

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you get closure either way. If it works out, it works out. If it doesn’t, well the upside is people like us are going to die anyway right?” He nodded slowly.

“Thanks.”

“For what, saying the obvious?”

“Yeah, for saying the obvious.”

She stayed silent for a moment and then asked him a question his doctor had been asking him every time he came.

“You tell anyone yet?” He shook his head.

“Yeah…”she exaggerated, “It’s not something you can just say right?” When he didn’t answer, she continued.

“You don’t know how people will react. Some people will run away, avoid you at all costs. Some will tell you that it’s just in your head, keep fighting. Others will pity you, talk about you behind your back.” That was why Jason didn’t want to tell anyone.

“Then you get that one person. That person who remains at your side and watches you die. Not because they want to but because they are doing it for you so you aren’t alone in the end.” He looked her in the eyes, seeing the pain in them. It wasn’t just pain, but understanding.

“You’re allowed to be selfish. Your human, remember that. Although, don’t end up like the patient in the room down the hall. They are so spoiled, you’d think the world would end if they didn’t get their morning Jello.” They both cracked up laughing.

“See, I knew you could smile.”

“Can I come back?” he asked.

“Anytime battle buddy.” He nodded and headed for the doorway.

“Hey handsome,” she called.

He turned back to look at her smiling face. It was odd, there was glow to her that wasn’t there before.

“Make sure you live with no regrets. Word is, regrets lead to bad choices.”

“Noted.”

When he returned to his dorm room, his roommate was watching a movie. He thought about what she said and flopped down on his bed next to him.

“Can I watch?”

He patted the seat next to him and he scooted closer. They got into a heated discussion as he got him caught up on what he was watching. It lasted a while, until it was past lights out and Jason couldn’t fight back sleep anymore. Danny looked down at his passed out figure and smiled, figuring he must have had a decent day.

***

Later that week, Jason was working at his part time job, when he realized his prescription from the hospital was on its last pill and he had run out of money. He didn’t know what to do, realizing he wouldn’t be able to work without his pain relievers to get through the day. He debated on calling his parents, but knew they would look into it if he did. He looked down at his phone and texted Danny, not sure how great an idea this was. He remembered his offer to help him out and hoped he wouldn’t betray his trust.

Danny was on his way back from class when he received the text from Jason. He looked down at it and replied, wondering what it was that he needed so bad. He stopped walking when he read the next text.

“I don’t have money now, but I can pay you back when I get paid. I need something picked up from the pharmacy…”

He remembered the pain relievers he had seen and asked him where to pick it up. When he got there, he approached the receptionist.

“I’m here to pick up a prescription for Jason Billard.”

He paused, realizing something. Wasn’t his last name Carson? She looked it up and grabbed two bags.

“Any questions?” He shook his head no and she typed more in.

“That will be $205.” He paused and looked up.

“I’m sorry?”

“It’s not covered by the insurance he has listed.”

He nodded and gave her his card. She processed it, advising it to be taken with food. He wanted to look in the bag but didn’t want to invade his privacy. He had two more prescriptions than he had last time. What was going on?

He got back to their dorm and stared at the bag, irritated by it. He debated for so long that he ended up just staring at it until Jason returned from his afternoon shift.

“Hey, thanks a lot man. I’ll pay you back, I promise. How much was it?” he asked. He crumpled the receipt in his pocket, not wanting to hold it against him.

“Don’t worry about it, it was like buying lunch. Just buy me lunch sometime okay?”

Jason took his work clothes off and put more comfortable ones on. Danny stared, noticing Jason no longer had the muscle mass he used to. There was something about him that made him worry endlessly.

“You sure?”

“Yeah man, you got enough to last you a while?” he asked.

“Just the month.”

“Tell me next time, I’ll get it for you okay?” Jason paused, unsure.

“You sure, I don’t want to put you out of your way?”

“Yeah, super sure.”

“Okay, yeah. I get paid Thursday, want to get dinner or something then?” He nodded.

“Cool.”

The conversation ended just like that and he returned to studying. He looked at Jason, wondering if he was doing the right thing by giving him privacy and space. He had never paid attention to his roommate that much in the past few years they had roomed together. Yet, these past few months had changed something between them.

***