He gave Danny an expression he had never seen before, one that scared him because it made him think he was never going to see him again.

“Okay.”

Just like that, Jason was gone. Danny had respected his space once more, and had made the mistake of letting him go in that moment. As the night grew darker and the night grew colder, Jason hadn’t returned. Danny’s anxiety grew as he waited up, unable to quell his anxiety. It wasn’t until he received a call early the next morning, that he finally understood the secret Jason had been carefully hiding. The hospital visit was the same as usual, bullshit!

He had rushed to the hospital at full speed, his mind wandering to everything he could possibly think of. As he rushed through the front door and asked the receptionist where his room was, she informed him he was still in surgery. He waited in the visitors lounge for a while, not even sure if he should call Jason’s parents. It was then that the doctor approached him, a sympathetic look on his face.

“Are you Danny?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“You were listed on Jason’s emergency form. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, he’s talked about you quite a lot.”

“He has?”

“Yes, but I imagine you have no idea what’s going on?” He shook his head no and swallowed, suddenly preparing himself for the worst.

“Jason was diagnosed with a serious life threatening cancer a few years ago. We managed to get it under control with chemo and medication, but it spread to his kidney and lungs too quickly.”

Danny felt himself get sick, tears threatening his eyes. All this time, this is what he was hiding? Some part of Danny suspected, but he never had the guts to confirm it. Maybe that was the real reason he always felt like he was about to disappear.

“We didn’t think we could find any matches in time, but we happened to get one yesterday.”

“I’m sorry, a match?”

“Yes, for a transplant.” Danny’s mouth fell open, suddenly realizing what the expression on Jason’s face had been the previous night. It was hope.

“There is about a 15% chance it will work, but were hoping for the best. I didn’t think he was going to do the surgery. He suddenly caught me last night before my shift was over.” Danny listened, not understanding why he had chosen to go through with it.

“Did he say why he changed his mind?” The doctor smiled at him slightly, almost in an admirable way.

“Yeah, he said his 10 year crush had confessed his feelings to him. He even said he had set money aside for his funeral instead, but he felt obligated to try one more time. So, he paid for the surgery and told me to give this to the person on his emergency contact form.”

He handed him an envelope and tears ran down Danny’s cheeks. 10 year crush? Was he fucking kidding right now? If he was, he was going to kill him…

The doctor patted his shoulder. “The surgery will be a few more hours, we won’t know until afterwards.” Then he left him to read the letter.

Danny sat down, slowly opening the contents of the letter. Inside was a picture from freshman year in college. It showed Doug and him in a bear hug wearing their sport uniforms. In the background, Danny was staring their way and looking at Jason intently. He kept this? Had he known the whole time that Danny had intentionally roomed with him? He moved onto the letter.

Dear Danny,

If you’re reading this, then you already know where I am. I don’t know if I will wake up, but if I do, I hope you will be there waiting for me.

In my third year of college, I was diagnosed with cancer. Knowing the treatment would end my career and life, I ended everything else because I didn’t want to see the people in my life walk away, or the opportunities disappear. It wouldn’t have been my choice, and it would have hurt so much more. I didn’t have much from my choice, yet more than enough to be satisfied with. I managed to change everything except one special thing, you.

I spent these past 10 years with you because I was selfish. While I spared everyone else from remaining by my side and having to suffer from my condition, I couldn’t bring myself to let you go. Every time I thought I could, you did something to pull me back.

I was resigned to give up from the start because I didn’t have faith in myself or the life I had built around me. So I studied something different, worked long hours, and did things I would never have done otherwise. It was all so I could save up for my own funeral and not burden others. I had no reason to believe it would be for anything else.

The treatment, although it worked occasionally, only slowed its progression and I knew eventually I was going to die. That didn’t stop me from loving you, secretly hoping that one day you would love me back.

So imagine my surprise, when I was about to finally give it all up and go die somewhere alone, that my blockhead crush confessed to me and said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. What else was I supposed to do, other than the surgery?

You are the one consistent thing in my life, and I owe you a chance at happiness, don’t I? If by chance I don’t wake up, make sure you spread my ashes somewhere on a beach far away from this shitty hospital. Just keep me in your memory and remember that each day will get a little bit better as you move forward.

By the way, I didn’t answer you because I didn’t want you to feel tied down to me. Reading this, you should assume how I really feel about you. You probably need me to spell it out for you, so if you have the courage, wait for my answer. Everything will be alright.

Jason

The tears dripped from his face, his cries were now apparent. So he waited, he waited until the doctor came back through that door and Danny laid eyes on him. He held his breath, the doctor opening his mouth to speak, and his heart felt like it was going to break into a million pieces. It was the start of a different kind of life. Not much, yet more than he believed he deserved.