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The king had been so welcoming, yet I still hesitated. I kept running from my feelings and I couldn't decide where to go. Should I even run? I could stay forever! I looked upon Rafael who was trying to busy himself while playing with a crystal shard. He was passing time before taking off again. It was terrible weather that had hit the castle and Rafael had no choice but to stay.
Poor bird stuck here with no escape.
I too was stuck here, that is if I do not leave. But I couldn't, not when I had been Astras prince and promised the king to get his kingdom safe and sound out of war threat's. Not after he had asked me to sit in his wife's place and eat with his daughter at one table. I was miserable because of these feelings and I knew I wouldn't be able to stand against fear if I let myself be controlled by these emotions. I was scared to seem weak, or let my emotions show. Astra wouldn't want me for that.
"Rafael! I love her!" The bird jumped and looked at me with confusion. "If I love her, I should stay, right?" He pecked the crystal again with no interest in my words. But it was true, was it not? If I truly cared about the home that I have found in this castle I would stay and fight for it. I wouldn't return and I wouldn't leave. "Masters going to get rid of me if he knew I had grown such an attachment," I whispered under my breath. It brought fear and my pupils squinted lizard-like, making me dizzy.
Rafael suddenly had grown all ears and eyes, jumping closer to me. "Rou rou," he crowed with concern as if he knew my story as a close friend. Oh how I wished I'd be free as a bird. No one could clip my wings then.
Suddenly a knock came from the door and I jumped with unexpectedness. "Erlan?" It was Astra’s sweet voice that made me calm again. "Yeah?" I called back. The girl burst with excitement to meet my gaze standing now under the same roof as me and Rafael. "I came to check on you," she said, pinching her own hand. "Thank you, I'm fine, sorry I . .'' I was interrupted by a smash next to me and just as I turned the little bird began walking away from the mess he had made. I rushed to clean it up and so did Astra, as we both struggled to pick up the crystal shards Rafael had knocked off the table. "It's Okay, Erlan, I think I understand why you couldn't stay . ." She said with compassion, watching me pick up the last crystal. She . . . She understood? I looked at the little troublemaker at the windowsill and he stared back with a grin if a bird could even have one. I turned back to Astra and emotions started swirling again. "And it truly is Okay, I know you can't stay forever," she said with her eyes away from mine. I would off kneeled In front of her and promised to stay forever next to her but I stopped myself. I wasn't free to do that. And she had given me my assurances that I could leave.
The rain ceased and Rafael nodded his head to the window flapping his wings. My gaze met hers and I knew I wouldn't follow Rafael. "I think I just need more time, I'm glad to be here and I'm glad I met you and your father, but these things can't be rushed, I'm not as outgoing as you thought I was," I said. Astra seemed happy though: "I guess we are just getting to know each other better then!"
Only starting. I said to myself and I believed that this was only the start of my happiness. If I cared for this world that I had built for myself, then I will fight for it too.