Warning: talk about scars and thoughts about self-harm, it can be triggering for some. Mika’s thoughts about his body do not represent the author’s own and are the result of a bad mental health and abuse. You are beautiful and strong, remember that. 

Mika turned to look at Charlie, his tail shifting from side to side with happiness. A sudden thought entered his mind and Mika froze, just remembering that if he was to shift, he would be completely naked before the doctor. His ears led flat on his head as Mika tried to think of a way to make Charlie understand that he needed clothes and some privacy to be able to change. He didn’t need to think long though, as a hand appeared before him with tissue in it.

"I guess you may need this. The bathroom is just to your right." The Doctor said with a chuckle at the chirp of joy that the black panther let out immediately after he finished his sentences. Taking the sweatpant and the loose shirt in his mouth, Mika nearly flew toward the bathroom.

The feline turned after entering and nuzzled the door close. He placed the clothes on a purple carpet covering the ground just before the bathtub facing the door, peeling the white curtains covered in painted lylas with his teeth to make sure that nobody was hiding in the tub, and then proceeded to shift. The process is a painful one, as he had grown accustomed to being in his black panther’s form for the past few days. The lack of energy and food also didn’t help. 

His bones made painful cracks while his skin tore to get rid of the fur and become a shiny olive tan. Mika pants, his teeth back to normal and his nose no longer in the shape of a muzzle. He stayed on the black and white checkered floor on all fours for a few more minutes, flexing his tired muscles to gain control over his human body. 

Putting one hand on the closed-lid of the toilet bowl at his right, Mika slowly got up with shaky legs, before placing his other hand on the sink at his left. When he could finally stand on his two feet in a somewhat stable way, Mika stretched his body, his back letting out a satisfying series of pops.

Mika rotated his body to the left, coming to a stop in front of the mirror above the sink. Two black shelves supporting brushes, man parfum and other items were fixed at the bottom of the rectangle glass. As the Doctor lived in a small apartment, it was probably the only bathroom. Mika had seen a decent-sized bedroom from the kitchen, but it didn’t look like there was a linked bathroom. There were no other pieces in the apartment other than the office, the kitchen with the dining room, the bathroom in which he was and the bedroom. It was cozy. 

Mika’s eyes dimmed as he compared the warm place with the cold castle in which he lived most of his life, where no one dared to loom him in the eyes nor talk to defend him when he was being abused. He far preferred a cheaper but homey-feeling home over a prison disguised as a pricey mansion.

Mika’s eyes came back in focus on his body reflected in the mirror, only for his face to show a grimace. He looked far from healthy. His ribs cage stood out like a sore thumb, his slim muscles taunted over his bones, with no fat, his skin looked dehydrated and far too pale. Dark eyebags hung under his bloodshot eyes and his hair were now lacking their previous luster. Bruises of all types along with scars could be seen on his body, his healing abilities having been far too exploited in his childhood to work properly now that he was an adult.

The self-inflicted scars covering the inside of his thighs couldn’t be seen from the mirror’s point of vue, but Mika knew they were there. A painful reminder of his weakness. He would forever be marked, wouldn’t ever be able to show the skin above his knees to anyone. Mika didn’t have any hope from the start to find a lover, but with such a disgusting body, it was nothing but a faraway dream. A dream that he didn’t even deserve to have at night.

Shame filled Mika’s being as the itch to punish himself for his weakness grew stronger, but he couldn’t allow himself to fall in this pit again. It was a vicious circle, truly. He hated himself, so he wanted to suffer, but then by inflicting pain on his body to relieve the mental one, he only made it more disgusting, which then led him to hate himself even more and then the circle started again. Mika wanted to know how to stop, but nobody ever told him how to. So, he could only endure until he reached his breaking point, and Mika would make sure that today wasn’t the day.

It would surely not help that a vampire was standing in the room next door. As soon as Mika sliced his skin, he would come running. The black panther knew that Charlie was a good guy, he wouldn’t understand. He didn’t want the doctor to be disappointed in him.

He was already disappointed in himself enough.

A sharp pain took Mika out of his mind, making him glance at the door at his hands where his nails had started to elongate and pierce his skin. Mika quickly opened his fist and licked the half-moon marks on his palms. The small wounds closed before any drop of blood could come out, making Mika sign in relief. 

Bending down, the young man took the clothes in his hand before putting them on. He had some difficulty sliding the sweatpants up to his waist, his butt keeping the waistband from going higher, but with a twisting dance and a few curses and hops, Mika could finally tie the strings around his waist, making the pants hang snuggly on his hips. Mika then put on the shirt, his chest showing more than he liked, but it was still decent so he let it go.

He didn’t have underwear or socks, but it didn’t bother him. It would have been even stranger if Charlie had his size, mostly considering the fact that he was taller than him, but slimer. 

It did feel weird to go commando.

Mika turned the doorknob, looking himself over in the mirror one last time to try to tame the bird nest he had on top of his head and then went out in the kitchen. The floor-to-ceiling windows to his left let in a warm sunshine casting a beautiful halo on the black oval table and surrounding matching chairs just before it. A red rug circled the spot and Mika quickly stepped on it to avoid the chill emanating from the white marble floor.

Charlie stood with his back to him behind the quartz kitchen island. From what Mika could see, he was making coffee. The walls of the kitchen were white with abstract paintings of a mixture of red and black, the wall facing the windows was covered in onyx cabinets, along with a gray refrigerator, a gray dishwasher and a black and gray oven with a builtin black microwave above it. All in all, Charlie seemed to be fond of black, gray, white and red in the kitchen. It was completely different from the purple theme in the bathroom, the green one in the bedroom and the deep turquoise of the office. 

"You can take a seat, Mika." The doctor said while coming over with two fuming mugs in his hands. The black panther quickly did as told, choosing the chair with his back to the window. It allowed him to keep an eye on all the doors. 

Charlie quietly chuckled, pleased with the fact that Mika waited for his permission before seating. Even the panther himself didn’t seem to realize, only looking dazed as he stood just beside the table. Even when he sat, his body seemed to respond to his voice and then his mind followed after. 

The vampire found it quite cute.

Hey dear readers, hope you liked it!

For those afraid, don’t worry, I won’t turn the book into a BDSM one. It will stay only at the surface with light submissive and dominant aspects, just like an omegaverse book, only without the omega/alpha thing. I will try to avoid making it too big for those uncomfortable reading such things.

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(1 341 words)