During my walks, I started noticing a new companion. On occasion I would hear the call of a crow and see him on a branch of a tree or perched on a fence post. I assumed it was the same crow from the garden; I couldn’t be certain, but my gut told me it was. 

At first he was just there for a moment, and then gone again. I appreciated the sign of life regardless, because it made me feel not so alone in my wandering. Sometimes, I would stop to catch my breath, and I’d hear his cry in the distance or see him circling the property. Was he watching my progress, curious for an answer himself?

He kept showing up more and more, for longer and longer. A ruffle of feathers, and a hop along the branch towards me. I called back to him once, a morning greeting, and he puffed out his neck and squawked at me then took off. His antics were entertaining, pulling me away from the sometimes painful memories I was putting myself through while collecting clues.

I was trying to find the spot in the woods where we had left the bird’s corpse for the fox. It was a task I’d spread out over multiple days, because I again had trouble locating the path Jack had led me down. That particular day I was ready to give up, so before going back home, I sat on a stump to eat some of my prepared sandwich. I was joined almost immediately, the crow landing on a branch a few yards from me. He announced himself, and a smirk crossed my features as I swallowed a mouthful of food.

“Do you have nothing better to do than follow me around?” I asked, receiving another caw in reply. I considered what I was doing in the first place, and the fact that I was speaking to a wild animal, and sighed to myself. “I guess I’m not one to talk, am I?” 

He disappeared into the air, but within a few short seconds he was back, settling closer, on a lower branch. I watched him, hopping back and forth, turning his head and blinking black eyes in my direction. 

I shook my head, amused, and began to pick the crust off my sandwich. “Here, wanna share?” I got up to place the bits on another broken stump nearby and heard him spread his wings and fly over before even settling myself back in my spot. He watched me carefully as he ate the pieces, as if making sure I didn’t pull a fast one on him.

I expected him to take off once he finished, but he took the last piece, then ruffled out his wings and settled his feet, clapping his beak at me. 

“Greedy. I already gave you some.” I replied with a mouth full. I caved though, taking a last bite then breaking the final corner of the sandwich into small bits and tossing them over to him. He hopped onto the ground and happily collected the pieces.

I took out my journal and turned to one of my lists, scratching out the words: Feed bread to the birds. Next was to find the fox, and I sighed to myself because I’d been looking for days, and it seemed a futile effort. Even if I could pinpoint the exact spot we had left the bird, that didn’t necessarily mean I would find the fox again. She could be anywhere.

What could it even tell me, besides what I already knew? Jack had a secret and I was as far from figuring it out as I was the very first day. I leaned over to rest my chin on my palm, staring at the bird as he finished his last few bites. “It’s too bad you can’t talk. I could really use a second brain right now.” 

He twisted his head and blinked those beady eyes at me, then spread his wings and took off. I sighed, finding myself disappointed to be alone again. I took it as a sign to head home instead, so I stood, stretched out my back, and turned to leave.

From behind me I heard the crow call, and I stopped to search, finding him bobbing on a branch further into the forest. I scowled. “I don’t have any more food for you, you greedy bastard.” 

He squawked, then flapped his wings and moved himself to a branch further away, stopping and looking back at me. I didn’t believe my own curiosity, and half wanted to shake it off and turn around to go back home. I was tired and I wasn’t in the mood to be bothered by a bird. 

He ruffled up his feathers and called for me again though, and I growled at myself for my stupidity as I stepped towards him. 

It was foolish. It was just a crow, and if I kept following it into the depths of the woods I would surely get myself lost. He kept moving from tree to tree though, stopping to wait until I caught up then moving on again, like he really was leading me somewhere, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that he meant to show me something. I kept telling myself how ridiculous that was, how downright crazy I sounded. 

Then I thought about Jack, and if I told him what I was doing. I imagined him: a ghost taking my hand in his and following the bird along with me to see what mysteries he had to show us. That brought me some comfort, like no matter how crazy I was, at least I knew I was never quite as strange as the boy I was trying to figure out. 

After a while of stumbling over rocks and roots, I caught up to the crow a final time, a small stream blocking me from continuing in the direction we were headed together. The bird sat perched in a tree above the stream, so I took a second to settle down, leaning over to play my fingers in the cold, clear water. 

I heard the crow take flight, and panic struck me as I stood, following him with my eyes as he took off into the sky. I had no idea where I was and my guide had just disappeared into the sad gray of the sky above the tree canopy. In my frustration, with the bird and my own stupidity for following him, I flicked an obscene gesture towards the sky before plopping down onto the ground with a disgruntled huff.

I didn’t have much time to pout about my self-inflicted misfortune. In the quiet forest, it was easy to hear the smallest of noises, like the trickle of the stream over rocks and the rustling of the dried leaves on the ground as something approached me. 

I lifted my gaze to find the noise, my heart skipping a beat with painful hope. It was not Jack standing on the other side of the stream though. The disappointment stung, but only briefly, because in the spot I had hoped to see Jack, was the fox instead, frozen in its tracks as it spotted me as well. 

I gasped, and it put its ears up towards me, listening, judging. I tried my best to ease my breathing and calm my pounding heart, holding as still as possible to not spook it. When enough time passed, the fox let its limbs unstiffen and skipped over a shallow part of the stream, still watching me cautiously. 

I noticed she was walking on her back leg again, and I couldn’t help but smile. She stopped when reaching my side of the water, then yipped behind her, and from the brush came two young pups, running clumsily to catch up with her. 

She passed by me with her pups, only a few yards away, stopping to point her nose in my direction and sniff the air before carrying on. Once she was out of sight, I let out the breath I was holding, and an overwhelmed sob of happiness shook my chest. 

I didn’t want to acknowledge the feeling I had, because it was crazy and dangerous and held no grounds in reality. My racing heart whispered suggestions to me though, and I knew he had something to do with this, even if I shouldn’t believe it. 

Regardless of how it happened, seeing the fox, with her leg fixed and her pups alive, it made me feel infinitely better than I was feeling the past weeks. As I crossed off the words in my journal, I had the brief thought that everything would be alright now. Even if every single other thing went terribly wrong, I could get through it. I was strong enough. 

Life tested me immediately upon returning to the estate, and I failed miserably. 

Parked outside the entrance was a familiar silver sedan, and the peace my soul found out in the forest dissolved instantly into a full blown panic attack. The driver’s door opened, and I felt my lungs collapse.

“Mom…?”