One chilly morning in mid April, Alex walked from her graveyard-shift gas station job back to her apartment a mile away. Going up the long, winding sidewalks, she watched the traffic speed by her, frizzing up her hair as they passed. After walking for half an hour, she could see her apartment through the glaring sunrise. Trying to ignore the bright horizon, she took to the stairs before she noticed her car in the small parking lot. With a slight scowl, she walked through the pavilion until she turned to her door.

    Click-unk

    With the twist of the key, Alex slightly shoved the door open. "Chell?" she called out as she hung her jacket on the rack behind the door. "Chell, where are you? I called you 6 times to pick me up. What happened?" She quietly stood in the doorway, waiting for a response. After a minute of silence, she rubbed her tired face with her hands, still rough from her day at work.

    "Bitch, where are you?" Alex asked, starting to walk further into the apartment. She opened the door to their bedroom only to find a pile of laundry on both of their beds. "Great..." She pulled out a light outfit from the bottom drawer of their dresser, closing it with her foot when she had everything in her arms. As she started to step out of the room, she noticed the digital clock read 8:30 am. 'That's weird,' she thought to herself, 'Chell should be getting ready for her classes by now. Is she hanging out with someone this morning?'

    After a bit, Alex shrugged it off, taking her clothes to the bathroom. She turned the handle with her elbows and clicked the light switch on with her chin before setting them on the towel rack, neatly organizing them under her towels. "God, we really need to clean this place up," she said to herself, looking up at the massive cobwebs spanning a whole wall from corner to corner. Turning back around, she opened the flimsy curtain of the shower to turn on the water.

    "CHELL, HOLY SHIT!!!" Alex jumped back with wide eyes as she saw her friend on the floor of the shower curled up in a ball. Tightly holding her chest, she tried to steady her breathing as Chell started to stir. "WHAT THE FUCK, BITCH!? WHAT'RE YOU DOING IN THE SHOWER?!"

    Chell's eyes slowly started to open. "Ah, ah, not so loud," she spat out, playfully batting her hand at a furious Alex. "Just came home a li'l late's all..."

    "Chell, what is this? What happened to you?"

    "It's nice to see you t-"

    "Chell." Alex kneeled down to get closer to her. "Why the hell are you crumpled up on the floor? Are you okay?"

    With a cough, Chell looked up at her. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why, do I not look fine?"

    Alex peered down at Chell's hand, which was holding a half-burned blunt. "What the hell am I looking at?" Alex asked, shoving the roll in Chell's face.

    "Uh u-uh," Chell shrugged. "I don' 'membe- EAH!" She put her hands around her head as she felt a seering headache. Curling further into a ball, she inched closer to the corner groaning. After a minute, she looked back up at Alex like nothing happened. "Oh hey, how's it goin'?"

    Alex looked at Chell with a stern look. "It's 'goin'' pretty badly by the looks of it. Do you even know what time it is?"

    "Mmmm... three in the morning," Chell guessed, ignoring the sunlight beaming in through the cracks of the curtain covering the bathroom window.

    "It's eight in the morning, actually," replied Alex, brushing her hair out of her face as she stood up. Without looking away from her friend, she opened the curtains as wide as they could go, flooding the room with light. Chell let out a little screech as she recoiled. "Come on, man. You should have been heading to your first classes maybe an hour ago. Instead, you're wadded up in our shower with this in your hands. What do you have to say for yourself?"

    A thin line of tears emerged from the bottom of Chell's eyes as she stared blankly at Alex. She tried to stand using the knobs of the shower, but slipped back to the floor. Shifting her focus from Alex, she laid her back to the tile wall and stared up at the single light on the ceiling. With a deep sigh, she said "I have tests this week." She turned her head away from Alex as she continued. "I have tests all this week. Then I have tests the next week. And I know I could be studying, but holy shit is that boring."

    Chell watched as Alex sat down with her back to the wall across her, legs parallel to hers. "These past few years, I've been in some serious shit. Starting my college career, trying to find a place to live, a place to work. They make it seem so easy, but it's all just-" Chell paused, turning her head back to Alex. "It's just so stressful. All my life, I've had to struggle, and that thing is the only thing that can keep me sane through everything. But when the stuff you usually use doesn't work anymore, you either crash or get something stronger to support yourself."

    Alex held the blunt in her hand, loosely inspecting it. With a sigh, she tilted her head in Chell's direction. "Chell, you can't keep doing this. This isn't just hurting you, but the people around you. I'm not telling you to quit. Mostly because I know you won't listen." Alex paused to look down at the floor. "I've seen what stuff like this can do to a person."

    "Alex..." Chell coughed, "I got this. I know what I'm doing. I just need a little something to help me get through it."

    With her lips pressed, Alex put her head back to the wall, looking up at the ceiling. With a wimpy voice, she asked, "What about me?"

    "What about you?"

    "Chell, I'm your best friend," Alex said, clenching her eyes as she thought about what to say. "Let me help you through this. I literally have nothing better to do. Please just let me help."

    Chell slightly glared at Alex. "Why? You don't really want to help me. You just want me to stop doing something." She stumbled up and started to step out of the bathroom. "You can't even help your bro right. So unless you have something that can actually help me without changing something for you, just leave me alone." Chell shut the door, leaving Alex alone, awestruck.

    "You think I'M the selfish one," Alex asked through the door. Turning the knob, she walked up to Chell and poked her back. "You left me to walk back here for about an hour while you laid in the shower completely wasted! You cared more about 'saving yourself' than your education or friends! And how DARE you bring my little brother into this?! I'll have you know that leaving him alone to fend for himself was my GRANDFATHER'S idea! He had to learn how to live without me because I had to leave!"

    "And look at how good that's going for him," Chell replied, turning around to face Alex. "He seems happy to me whether he takes after me or not. Maybe you leaving people alone is a good thing! Maybe if you left me alone, I could actually be happy and have the weight of another person living here taken off of my shoulders! I've already lived alone once, and I'm fine to DO IT AGAIN!"

    With an influx of shock, Alex turned from Chell. "This is exactly what I'm talking about..."

    "What? That I'm selfish or some shit?"

    "I'm talking about what you're doing to yourself. You trying to use your habits as an escape is just making you confused. It's breaking you and your friendships apart. Whether this is how you really feel or because of your 'self care routine,' you're breaking everything we've built. So if you really want me to leave, then I'll go." Alex trudged into the bedroom and slammed the door.

    Silently, Chell sat on the couch, staring at the ceiling fan above her. Taking a deep breath, she peered over at the door with a hint of guilt. She solomnly stood up and walked across the room.

    Knock-knock

    Without a response, Chell opened the door to see Alex laying in her bed. "Hey," Chell softly said. "Uh, you good?" Alex sunk her head further into her pillow, muffling a slight whimper. "Yeahhh," Chell turned her head back to the rest of the apartment. She stepped over and sat next to Alex in her bed. "I, uh, I didn't mean any of," she motioned back at the door, "THAT."

    "No, you were kind of right," Alex muffled. She sat up, patting her wet pillow. "Maybe some people are better off without me. But I don't want to have to leave you alone to keel-over." She laid her head on Chell's shoulder. "You're my best friend and I don't want you to get hurt. I want you to be happy, but with REAL things. Maybe with people." She closed her eyes. "I want to help you."

    Chell gave Alex a small smile. "Fine. But nothing too extreme, okay?"

    "We'll see," Alex snickered. The two sat next to each other on the bed, staring at the wall on the other side. Alex looked at the clock again then back at Chell. "Maybe start by going to your classes tomorrow."