"I..." Ryan breathed in as he licked his lips, suddenly feeling shy and slightly self-conscious. He had thought about what to say during the entire drive back from the Alpaca Sanctuary, but for some reason, now that he and Drew were parked in front of his house, Ryan wasn't sure how to get the words out.

It wasn't that Ryan was scared or even confused by the situation at hand... he felt strangely satisfied with how things turned out. For someone who had just gone on his first ever date with the person he shared his first kiss with, with the person he saw as his first love, Ryan didn't feel particularly bothered by the sense of finality that had started to leak in his heart like water from a broken pipe. Now that Drew had gone on a date with him, he couldn't possibly want Ryan anymore, could he? The blond boy wondered if this was really the end. He knew it was coming, and though he had thought he would be heartbroken by it, it didn't hurt yet.

"You okay?"

"Hmm?" Ryan's eyes widened as he turned to Drew.

"Are you okay?"

Ryan squinted his eyes in confusion but only for a moment before he nodded quickly. "Yeah, of course. I am," he stated, forcing a smile. But the look on Drew's face showed that the dark skinned boy could see through him clearly.

"Tell me, what's going on up here?" Drew tapped the side of Ryan's head gently as he asked that which made the blond boy blush slightly.

Taking in a deep breath, he smiled softly at the senior, genuinely this time. "I... I wanted to say that I really enjoyed the date," he said.

Drew grinned widely. "I did too," he said as he took Ryan's small hands in his. "I'm glad you agreed to come with me."

"Me too," whispered Ryan. The two remained quiet for a moment as they stared into each other's eyes, their hearts beating loudly against their chests. Drew leaned in first, his face drawing closer and closer to Ryan. And right when the blond boy thought Drew's lips was gonna fall on his, the boy turned slightly and kissed Ryan on the cheek. And all Ryan could think, or perhaps hope, was for Drew to say that maybe... that maybe there was a slight possibility that he enjoyed their date so fucking much that he couldn't think of dating Nora.

Ryan could hope. Hope wasn't a crime. But even he knew when the last candle was meant to be put out.

"Think your dads are back yet?" Drew asked as he glanced at the house in front of them. Ryan turned to look at the house as well, noticing that only the lights on the front porch was on.

"I don't think so," he said. "It's their date night and they usually- oh my god," he gasped as his eyes landed on a hooded figure who stood only a few meters away from the car. "That's Ruxie."

"Your friend?" Drew questioned as his eyes followed Ryan's line of sight. The blond boy nodded. "Think he saw us?"

"They," Ryan immediately corrected and shrugged. "I'm not sure. I... I think they did," he sighed. "I mean, it was gonna come out in the end anyway." Biting his lip, Ryan turned to Drew, suddenly feeling overwhelmed and a whole lot guilty at getting caught in the car with him. This was not how he had imagined for all of this to go down. He hadn't given it much thought, but maybe this was his karma; to be caught red-handed in a car with Drew after being on a date with him.

And while Ryan felt guilty for the entire situation, he felt even more guilty for being relieved that it was Ruxie who stood in front of his house watching him and not Nora.

"You gonna be alright?"

Ryan wet his lips as he brought his eyes away from his friend and looked at Drew. He nodded, sighing. "I have to be," he said, knowing that there was no way to get out of this.

"Okay. Text me when everything settles," Drew stated as he took Ryan's hand in his, squeezing gently. "Good night, Ryan," he whispered, eyes still lingering on Ryan's face. The blond boy's heart pumped slowly, his cheeks warming up. Ruxie was standing right there! He thought. Why the hell was Drew looking at him like he was gonna kiss him again?

Gulping, he looked away and nodded, taking his hand away from Drew's hold and grabbed his back pack from the floor of the car. "Okay... see you in school," he whispered and opened the door, turning to Drew with one last look before getting out and walking to his house where Ruxie waited.

***

"You guys know each other." It was not a question, yet Ryan answered by nodding anyway.

His friend nodded, eyes still glaring at Ryan as they had been from the moment Ryan walked out of Drew Grisham's car, throughout the entire walk through the house and into Ryan's bedroom. Ruxie put their arm on their waist as they watched Ryan who sat on his bed with his face in his hands.

"Where are you coming from?" They asked.

Ryan looked up at them with pursed lips. Could he say it? The blond boy wanted to let it all out. What he had with Drew had gone on for more than long enough, and he had kept it all bottled up in him so much that the pressure of it all was threatening to burst out like a hot spring. But he didn't want to Ruxie to hate him. "Um... we... we went..."

Ruxie groaned again as they lifted their arms in frustration. They sighed, looked at the blond boy with a hard gaze and shook their head before going to sit beside him. "I saw you that night, okay?" Ruxie blurted out.

Ryan lifted his head as he turned to his friend, eyes narrowed in confusion. Which night? He wondered.

"I saw you at the park with him and I saw when he kissed you in front of your house," Ruxie confessed, making Ryan's eyes widen in shock.

"Wh- Huh?"

Ruxie nodded, biting their lip. "Yes, I came to check up on you since you bailed on Nora and I. I was confused for a moment when I saw you and Drew together so I followed you guys," they explained.

"You saw us... that night," Ryan stated and nodded, as if he was trying to make sense of everything his friend was saying.

"Yeah," Ruxie whispered. "So just tell me the truth. What's going on?" Ryan let out a sigh and closed his eyes, biting his lip hard in a bid to get rid of the ache in his chest. He sighed again. "He uh... he asked me to help him with something."

"With what?"

Ryan pursed his lips as his gaze met Ruxie's. "You won't believe me," he whispered. Ruxie said nothing to that and waited for their friend to continue. "He likes Nora... he wants to ask her out and asked me to help him."

"How?" Ruxie questioned. Ryan didn't mind the interruption. Even he had a problem with wrapping his mind around the situation.

"I- I think I should just start from the beginning," Ryan said and took a deep breath. "We both know that Nora has had a crush on Drew since sophomore year. Well, Drew met me about two months ago and told me he liked her. He just didn't know it was mutual."

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"He didn't want me to. He said he wanted to know more about her, that he wanted to get everything right before asking her out. It made sense, and I wanted to help him, so I did," he stated. "I mean, I thought it was a bad idea at first but I didn't think there was any harm in helping him get close to Nora since she really likes him. I gave him a few ideas on what she liked and disliked, but I never thought he'd kiss me, Ruxie," Ryan cried as he grabbed both of Ruxie's hands tightly. "I didn't think he'd do that at all."

"But it went on long after that, right?"

Ryan nodded. "He told me... he said that he kissed me because he had never done it with anyone before. He said that he wanted to know what it was like to kiss someone before meeting with Nora."

"And you thought that was a good idea? You know how much Nora likes him! What's she going to think?"

"I'm sorry! Okay?" I wasn't thinking at the time," Ryan groaned as his eyes stung with unshed tears.

"Why did you do it then? Why did you let him kiss you when you know how much Nora likes him?"

"Because I love him, Ruxie! I've loved Drew since Freshman year," Ryan cried. "I liked him even before Nora noticed him. I've always liked him and when he kissed me, I couldn't think. I couldn't do anything except get haunted by the fact that Nora and I both like the same guy."

Ruxie gasped. Ryan blinked. It took him a second, but he was soon well aware of the fact that he had just blurted out his secret to Ruxie. And what made him feel even worse was how much he had sugarcoated what he and Drew had been doing all this time. He didn't mention all the stolen kisses in school, all the groping, how close they had been to touching each other. Ryan didn't mention that he had just gone on a date with Drew mere hours ago. He didn't say any of that, and it still didn't keep Ruxie from being upset with him.

"You like Drew... no wait. You love Drew?" Ruxie questioned, brown eyes wide as they looked into Ryan's blue ones. The blond boy nodded as a single tear fell from his eye. He could almost see the wheels turning in Ruxie's eyes, he could tell that his friend was trying to make sense of his predicament.

He nodded, lips quivering as more tears spilled from his eyes. "I didn't plan any of this, I swear! And- and I know I shouldn't have agreed in the first place or even continued it when he kissed me, but you have to understand. I like him so much. I love him. I wanted to have as much of him as I could before he really did ask Nora out. I just wanted to pretend I had someone who loved me too, Ru. Is that so wrong?"

"It isn't, Ry," Ruxie shook their head. With open arms, they pulled Ryan closer until the blond boy's head rested on their shoulder. "It's not wrong to want love, Ryan. But not with him."

"Why not?" Ryan sobbed. "Why can't I love him?"

"You know why," Ruxie whispered as they brushed Ryan's hair gently. "You can't. We can't let him be with Nora either."

The blond boy sniffed as he pulled away slightly to look at his friend. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands. "Why? She's the one he wants," he stated, voice soft and hoarse. Still, that did not matter to Ruxie, because even though they were aware of how much Nora liked Drew, they couldn't allow the senior to come between their best friends.

"Because it would break you. Both of you."