Somehow, I ended up running an errand with Anya again the next day due to my forgetting to help her on time yesterday. And I was attempting to be my normal self…
What even was normal anymore?
What did I act like every day?
For some reason, I couldn’t remember. Every time I tried, I saw those eyes and the trees, and the corner she disappeared around. I smelled her, in my head, as if my nose had burned the scent into my skin.
I sighed again.
Was this a day? Or was this a whole year in one day?
But really? A trip to this pack?
The Black River Pack was a neighboring pack. Much, much larger, like a small city in size compared to our small village of a pack. Since our borders were close, patrol units helped out at both packs. I’d spent a lot of time here, but tonight I was set to work at my home pack.
There was a reason I’d been glad I hadn’t had plans to come here. This was it, right in front of me.
Jensen and Ray were speaking with Anya about the orders I’d helped her bring over, and where they needed to be located. I was only half-listening, knowing Anya would end up giving me the instructions anyway. Jensen was the acting Alpha, the stronger one, while Ray, the brains out of the two of them, was the Beta.
I avoided his gaze.
In doing so, I spaced out. Again. Anya nudged me.
“Hey. Will?”
“What?” It had been my instant response for a while now.
That was when Ray’s narrowed gaze somehow managed to meet mine. Apparently, it wasn’t my normal response, I thought to myself. I flinched and looked away. I was never good at lying… but even I knew that wasn’t the best move to pull in front of him.
Ray made a noise. Whether it was like half-squeak and half-snort, I wasn’t sure, but it was a noise, and it caught Jensen’s attention. Jensen, who hadn’t noticed anything amiss about me or my replies or actions, noticed this.
“Ray? You good?”
Ray just stared at me. “Yeah.” I met his eyes again, but this time, I didn’t look away. The corner of his mouth twitched and there was an amused look in his eyes. “I’m not the one to worry about.”
“What does that mean?” Jensen asked, looking between me and Ray and Anya with confusion.
And then Ray walked off, so he followed right behind him.
“Ray! Hey! Ray, what does that mean? Did Cian see something again?”
I held back a sigh of relief.
Cian, who was Ray’s True Mate. The other reason I didn’t want Ray to find out. Though, if Cian knew, Ray did too, since they shared their secrets almost exclusively between each other. Cian was a twin, able to see the future in the visions he got. Sort of a similar ability to my mother, only he didn’t have to touch someone to see something. Of course, Mom’s powers didn’t work on us, on her kids or on dad.
Probably another thing to be relieved about.
“Oof. Best of luck,” Anya whispered while watching them walk away.
“Thanks, Anya,” I replied without much enthusiasm.
...
Time seemed to fly by as much as it seemed to stall, keeping me stuck in the same place for the foreseeable future. The reunion was coming up. I knew Jane was planning to go, had decided to travel to the Nealon Pack and hang out with Lynn and Josephine first before they travelled up.
At the same time, I was growing concerned about my sister. She was constantly looking at her phone, looking hopeful for new mail, only to deflate when there were no letters with her name on them. I caught her staring out her open window several times, no matter the weather or temperature.
She was starting to worry me enough that I hardly cared anymore about my True Mate. I mean, occasionally I’d get… more than a little distracted and someone might have to call my name ten times before I’d hear it, but it had been worse just days ago. It had been a lot worse.
But Jane’s intense focus on things made me notice some things as well. Like how Lee hadn’t responded to one of my rare messages. He usually was pretty quick about replying or calling back, but he hadn’t been. Jane kept nagging everyone for news every day, to the point that it was almost ridiculous. And then it wasn’t. Because not long after that came the day, with the already limited contact with them and no news, they were declared missing.
I mean, I figured they’d end up together in the end with how obviously in love they were with each other. Like really obvious, whenever they were in the same room, even if they weren’t sitting next to each other. In fact, it was more obvious when they weren’t.
But it had to hurt.
Just imagining how it might feel, I could imagine it, and it was not pleasant. At all.
Soon enough, the house got quieter.
Jane and Kat went off to the Nealon Pack. Mom left to go to the cabin up North too.
The reunion that could’ve reunited Lynn and I again came and went. I worked harder than before, finally finding my rhythm again.
And as much as I tried to stay busy, I couldn’t help but think of her. And it was cutting into my sleep schedule.
Somehow, I ran into Ray again. Just my luck.
He stopped, literally mid-stride, and stared at me, his eyes slowly widening.
“Still?”
“Huh?” I grumbled, tired from not getting any sleep last night. I’d had to fight my wolf again about this whole shifting business. I wasn’t doing it. I wasn’t about to put myself in the position where if I smelled my True Mate, then I’d run after her again. I wasn’t doing that twice. When Ray didn’t respond, I felt the remains of the decent mood I’d conjured up for today crumble. “What?” I snapped at him.
“Yikes. I’m sorry.” He patted my shoulder a couple of times, pursing his lips. “Take it easy. Take a break, alright?” It was all he said before walking a few paces away, but then he stopped, looked back. “You definitely need it.”
“Yeah.”
That very night, the interaction I’d had with Ray ran through my mind again, as sleep eluded me once again despite my clear exhaustion.
I fiddled with the corner of my blanket for a while as memories of both sorts, good and bad, older and newer, flitted through my mind.
That wolf came back. The one that I was starting to deny ever claiming it was pretty. It wasn’t going to be… pretty anymore.
I told myself that. And then each time I did, it was like a spell, and the image of that wolf would just pop back into my mind, all shimmery, with luscious fur and–
Ugh.
I rolled over onto my side and sighed half into my pillow as I buried my face in it.
“I swear I’ll grow stronger, so I can protect you.”
“I’ll never leave you…”
I tried not to hear myself say those words, again and again. I grimaced. Why was it always like this?
“I like you. I really like you.” That light voice. The happy one that had spoken back to me… why was it so bitter and heartbreaking now?
We were so little.
I shouldn’t have put so much extra though into them.
Even if…
I thought we’d end up different than we are now. Somehow, I always thought we’d end up together. That we’d already be… together.
I flopped back over onto my back and stared at the ceiling, shaking my head.
Stop, I told myself, it won’t happen. Get over it, Will. It’s not meant to be in this lifetime.
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