After Jane returned with Lee, following the whole abduction and rescue and everyone learning that they were not only bonded mates, but True Mates… I couldn’t bring myself to face her. I’d said a lot of stupid things in our last conversation.
I was sure talking to me wouldn’t ease her mind. She might hate me now.
In trying to apologize, I…
So many stupid things.
I abdicated thinking before speaking and just blurted out the things on my mind. Against my normal filter, it was the most that I’d openly said about myself and my feelings. But it had been all the wrong things to say.
I mean, I had been so in my own head that I – I neglected to notice what was going on around me. I hadn’t realized that Lee… was actually missing. Like as in a missing person. Lost. Gone. Disappeared. Vanished.
And then maybe it didn’t affect me as much as it did her and I didn’t take that into account when talking to her. I hit a nerve that I didn’t even know was there. How was I supposed to know they were True Mates? How was I supposed to know that they were anything more than two people who loved each other but weren’t together?
I didn’t know.
And my words hurt her.
She was in pain with her True Mate gone, and I went and said that I’d wished I never met mine, that I thought mine would be awful…
Stupid.
That was a moment filed into my mind to replay and cry myself to sleep over at least once a month. I should’ve just shut up at that time. I should've been like Will was for me. Silently listening to her if she wanted that. Or just silent.
Why can I never shut up when I need to?
The next day, we’d all headed back up to the cabin, and I’d gone early, somehow hoping and expecting to have as much fun as we normally did. Boy, was I wrong. Very, very wrong.
Everything, after meeting my True Mate, seemed to be leading to worse and worse things. Like the meeting was the first little rumble of an avalanche, shaking snow loose, breaking away, and then crashing down and well, becoming a terrible avalanche that could wipe out trees and homes and lives.
Jane had shown up with her mother, but before they’d even gotten through the doorway, the mood had dropped drastically. The door had slammed against the wall from the force at which Jane threw it open. And by the look on her face… I mean, I’d never seen her look that angry before, ever, so it honestly, probably couldn’t have been worse.
And then, they started talking.
“Why did you keep this from me?!”
Jane was holding what looked like regular postcards, but they were the source of her fury. I didn’t learn until after she’d thrown the postcards on the table and stormed off, that the messages were for Jane, that the postcards had been coming for over a month… that she’d been the reason Lee had been taken captive.
The air was almost too thick to breathe as they argued, the door remaining open the whole time.
“Jane, you have to understand! People have been coming after Blackstone descendants since the beginning! I don’t want you getting hurt!”
And that’s when it hit me.
Will was a Blackstone too. A chill had raced down my spine, tears had threatened to fall down my face. Just those few words her mother had said, that people had been going after the Blackstone descendants since the start.
Will was one of them.
He was…
In my eyes he had always appeared so capable and strong. Danger? What was danger to someone like that? He could handle everything that came his way with ease.
But how many other Blackstone wolf shifters were strong before they were taken down? How many had been stronger than Will? How many had there been?
I was wrong.
In that moment, I knew I was wrong, even as I bit my lip and blinked back tears as they continued to growl out pained words to one another, about secrets and protection.
My heart ached as I recalled the number of Blackstone descendants in existence. One had been in front of me, full of fury. Another was her father. And then… last but not least, was Will. There were only three.
Because they were hunted like animals.
They were killed. Successfully.
It didn’t matter how strong they were.
It didn’t matter if they had family or mates or friends.
There was no discrimination except that of those in the bloodline. Any and all were fair game. Nothing in Will’s blood could save him from that target on his back… in fact, that was what put it there in the first place.
Just because he was a Blackstone. That was it. Nothing else.
I cried that night, trying my best to stifle the sniffs and sobs, trying to keep Jo from hearing me across the room, and everyone else in the neighboring rooms as well.
Instead of just one thing on my mind, I had millions of little things roaming free, keeping me from sleeping properly, not that I did anyway.
Blackstone descendants.
My True Mate.
Will… was going to be okay, right?
Do I talk to him? What would I even say?
What face should I make tomorrow? Should I smile and pretend nothing is wrong? Do I just do nothing?
If I called him, would he think that I was being clingy if I don’t really have anything to say to him? Will he think that I’m weird?
The phone stayed in my hand the whole night, unused. I never called. And when I returned home in the next days, I didn’t call then either.
Jane ran off, saved Lee and his parents, locked up the guy who did it, and then they decided to move into the Nealon Pack. They wanted to live together in my home pack… and I felt as if I wronged not only Jane, but Lee by association. I couldn’t face them, so I did what I do best. Avoid.
And then, when the construction started on their house, Jane set off with Kat on a small trip to the beach, going to meet a friend, Minnie, who was a witch. In my mind, there was a thought that spawned in the same time. I’d speak with Jane when she got back. I’d find the courage to face her then, in light of the things I’d said to her before she left.
I’d had no clue about her struggles.
I had no right to compare our feelings.
I wanted to talk to her, to make things right again…
But that never happened.
Because, while she had returned safely, in one piece, something had shattered within her on that journey, and she was picking up the pieces within her; she was trying to heal from it.
And me, coming to say sorry about words long ago?
Wouldn't it just burden her more, to think about the past like that?
To take time away from healing in order to determine whether to forgive me or not?
I couldn’t pretend to know if those thoughts bore any truth to them at all. Maybe they were selfish. Maybe they were wrong. But it didn’t matter. They consumed me. And I stayed silent.
My courage was lost.
It seemed it all seemed to rush away whenever it came to the Blackstone siblings, to me speaking with them first.
It was stupid. I was stupid. Again.
When I ran off to do my own thing and avoid seeing everyone else, I pulled out that box of letters, reading them over and over again. Obviously, I still had to do chores and work and clean around the house a bit, but in all of that spare time, I didn’t spend much on other people.
I just looked at those letters, read those words again, trying to gain some comfort from them. It was nothing like seeing him in person; I’d rather just see him in person, no talking necessary, only his presence needed. At the treehouse. Our treehouse.
But I was in my room. He was in a different pack. He was working.
He was busy.
Who was I to bother him?
I wanted to cry, but I was in the house. With a whole family of wolves within these walls, sounds did not go unnoticed. Someone would hear me if I cried.
I held back, swallowing against the knot in my throat.
That was when I decided.
I put the lid back on the box and grabbed a random bag, shoving them in carefully. Throwing the straps over my shoulders, I walked to the treehouse for some privacy.
Comments (0)
See all