17: Millie

She laid back as far as she could and pushed the small table closer next to the chair so she could put her feet up. Unlike other days recently she was filling chilled that day so she slipped on her only long sleeved shirt and laid a blanket over her legs. It was about halfway through the day at that point, she hadn't been feeling up to reading that day or any day that week, only did it passively to keep her time while she waited. She wished she had a good friend to call or a relative to ask her annoying questions or give her silly tips, but even didn't have a phone able to call anyone out there in the first place. She sat in the living room and every once and a while her eyes catch the small door at the top of the stairs, she couldn't actually see the tiny tiny lines rezoning itself from where she sat, but she known it was there. It had been months since she told Grey, 4 to be exact, and he hadn't ever seemed to have the interest in taking the time out of his night to get that latter from outback and climb up to see if he could open it in the first place. Maybe it was locked and the key was hidden somewhere only Doug known where it was. Would it take years to open it then? No if she really started to wonder about it she'd bust that catch open herself. But not in the state she was in currently. She both loved and hated how it was going. Everything seemed to fine, she bleed a little the second month of knowing she was pregnant which scared her badly, but it was only a little, that haven't happened again yet. She was started to really feel him or her now, and best of all she could even start to know it's personality. It seemed rude, playful too. The baby already known someone's voice, it known Millie and Grey, and moved more when Grey was around. But the times Grey drove her around town and they talked to people around the baby didn't seem to have any interest in them. Actually Millie could put her hand on a Bible and say it moved away. She really wished she could know it's gender, no good names where coming to her yet and Grey didn't even seem interested in the topic in the first place, as if the name of his first and most likely last child wasn't that interesting to him. Millie wanted a perfect boy and girl name so when the baby came out the name would be ready, since they wouldn't actually know until delivery. She didn't have a naming book and the internet was of no use, she was thinking on asking someone in town if she could use their internet for a bit so her and Grey could search baby names on the web instead of just in their heads. There was one large thing that bearded down onto her. Her loneliness. She had been alone her whole life, many people she had talked to had found the fact that her only good friend was her husband to be sad, the one person she known. But she didn't see it that way, she didn't want that to be so, but it was. Before he showed up out of nowhere first as a high protest annoyance, then as a knight. Her mother locked Millie up in their house all her life, she wasn't allowed to see anyone until her teens when Millie forced it by all means. And by forced, that means Millie locked her mother into their bedroom, her mom held a copping knife in her hands while a red flow ran down from Millie's tummy down her legs like a period too far up. The first night was always the worst, she taken up too sneaking out with a weapon from then on, or more over just not coming back after school. Her mom called her off from school saying she was sick many times. But those times where over, but it wasn't easy, there where only two people in the whole world that loved her, her mother and her (then) boyfriend. And she had to let one go forever. She picked the one that hadn't hurt her real badly, yet. To herself and only herself, she promised that if Grey ever left her, seeing her for what she really was, a sad tiny woman, she'd kill herself. But now she was pregnant, she hadn't let him down! And if the baby came then God really did love her, and the story would end with a 'ever after' like she never thought it would. Still this wasn't quite how she wanted it, but it how it was and it wasn't bad. It wasn't bad. When she was a little girl, a real little one, she had this idea she'd grow up to be beautiful, have a lovely house, a large garden, many friends to talk to on a Sunday evening, a large stern man who loved her, and many pretty children. Then she grown and convinced herself she'd die, she was already dead.

Millie bowed her head and pulled out the last book she hadn't really read yet, the book filled with maps of Florida, before it seemed so boring but she had nothing left till next Saturday when Grey and her could spare a little money and buy used books out of this unnamed town. She promised herself she would not love this child the way her mother loved her, and overall she'd work hard to be a mom of good character and fond memory.