Love was a cruel thing, Ryan thought. It promised good things and butterflies, it promised sweet and pleasant moments and a forever, but Ryan was finding out that the love he had come to know had stripped the carpet from under him, letting him fall into a never-ending dark hole that he wasn't sure he could ever climb out of.
And that was why Ryan tried so hard to feel happy for his best friend who couldn't help but gush about her new boyfriend to whoever was willing to listen. He smiled sadly as he listened to her talk about how sweet Drew was that Friday. Both he and Ruxie sat with Nora at their usual table in the cafeteria and it was probably the fifteenth time Nora had mentioned her date with Drew which happened a weekend ago.
"Guys, I cannot stress this enough!" Nora exclaimed with a dreamy sigh. "He was so sweet, even walked me home after the movie and only left after I'd gone inside."
Ryan rolled his eyes as he ran his hand through his hair. "Isn't that like the bare minimum?" He blurted out and his eyes went wide as they met Nora's brown ones.
She stared at him, shocked for a moment before shaking her head, as if she didn't hear him right. "What?"
"Uh... I just..."
"Even if it is the bare minimum, it was still nice of him, asshole," Nora stated as she frowned pointedly at her friend. "You don't understand because you've never been in love."
Ryan took a deep breath, licking the inside of his cheek and letting out a sigh. He opened his mouth to respond but paused when he felt Ruxie's hand slide into his, squeezing his slightly as a way to comfort him and keep him from lashing out. But even that was not enough to stop him from saying what was on his mind.
"That has nothing to do with..."
"Hey babe," a voice that Ryan would recognize from anywhere said sweetly, interrupting Ryan. The blond boy turned around to see Drew walking to their table with a smile, a smile that used to be directed at him. Behind him was Zane, one of Drew's close friends who seemed to be everywhere that Drew went. As soon as the two arrived at the table, Drew slid into the seat beside Nora, put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in for a kiss.
Ryan's heart clenched tightly at the scene before him and he looked away, biting his lip to keep his tears at bay. He had promised himself to not go down that rabbit hole again. Unluckily for him, Zane had decided to sit right next to him.
"Ryan, right?" The senior asked.
Before he could stop himself, Ryan blurted out, "You knew that already, didn't you?" Without waiting for an answer, the blond boy got up and rushed out of the cafeteria, ignoring Ruxie's calls for him to come back.
He couldn't go back there even if he wanted to, not even for Ruxie. He would rather be anywhere than in front of Drew and Nora. The blond boy ran through the hallways of the building, looking for a place he could lay low for the rest of the lunch period. Tears blinded him as he turned at a corner and bumped into a hard chest, causing the hot drink the person had been holding to spill all over Ryan's shirt.
"Fuck."
Ryan's heartbeat slowed at the sound. He looked up slowly, coming face to face with Cain. The short boy took a step back, ready to run and never come back but that thought was short-lived when Cain's strong hand grabbed his arm, keeping him still.
"The least you could do is fucking stay after that fiasco last week."
Ryan shook his head, lips pressed tightly together as he tried to keep himself from crying and forced his arm out of Cain's grip and ran, the only thing in mind being to get away from school as fast as possible. Ryan ran. He ran as fast as his legs could carry him. The blond boy had reached his limit. He would do anything but be near him, anyone but him. Even being in the presence of Nora and Drew was a pleasant hell to bear than reliving the time he embarrassed himself in front of Cain. And as much as he tried to avoid it, his mind thought differently as it pushed forward the memories of a moment Ryan tried to suppress.
It was more painful knowing he had been warned to not give his heart to Drew, but how could he have avoided doing just that when his heart already belonged to the senior? How could he even think to not spare him a second look when Drew smiled at him like he was sun? Drew was everything to Ryan, and in a way, that had not changed. It hurt more now knowing that his love for Drew would never be reciprocated, especially when he had held a little hope that it could.
Ryan was sure he had never ran as far as he had at that moment ever in his life, and yet, he never stopped. Not even when his tears blurred his sight as they streamed down this cheeks. He didn't stop even when his sides hurt and his body begged him to calm down. The pain was too much to bear. He only wanted to free himself from the unrequited love that caged his heart and the shame that engulfed him from loving someone he never should have.
He only stopped running when he reached the park and fell to his knees, yet all Ryan could was scream out loud, unafraid of whoever could see or hear him. That wouldn't be worse than when he rushed into Cain's arms on the school's rooftop and cried his heart out. It wouldn't be worse than when he had actually sobbed as he recounted the many times Cain had warned him to the man himself. It wouldn't be worse than when Ryan, in his hysteria, had not noticed when Cain sat him down on the roof with their backs to the wall and allowed him to cry out until there were no tears left to cry.
"Why does it hurt so much?" Ryan remembered asking through his sobs.
Cain rubbed his back gently and caressed his face, wiping away the never ending stream of tears. "Because you love him," the senior simply said, not bothering to explain further.
"I don't want it," Ryan had cried. "I don't want to love him anymore, Cain." Yet, those words never rung true in his heart, no matter how much he wanted them to. It had only been a week, so it wasn't surprising that he still hurt badly and still remembered how much Cain had taken care of him in his most vulnerable moment. And though Ryan was heartbroken, he knew the least he could've done after the boy sat with him for close to four hours after school and even took him home when it was dark, was to call him and say thank you.
But all Ryan had done since that day was ignore all of Cain's texts, his calls, and even going as far as to make sure he never bumped into the senior at school. It wasn't that difficult in the end, since Cain was quite a busy guy according to Nora, except for today when Ryan bumped into him.
To save himself the embarrassment and guilty conscience that being in Cain's presence would definitely bring, Ryan did what he did best and ran. And now he was kneeling underneath the yellow fall trees that circled Colonel Lewis Park, screaming out loud to free himself of the overbearing pain that he had brought on himself.
Ryan became a walking shell of himself the rest of the week and into the next. Not even Ruxie's constant check-ups were enough to bring the blond boy out of the numb spell he had put himself in. It wasn't exactly a bad thing, or maybe it was, but Ryan couldn't give a shit what anyone said at that point. He wanted to wallow in his self-pity and sadness for as long as it was possible. Still, Ryan was getting tired of moping in bed after school each day, basically neglecting his school work and letting all the self-deprecating thoughts seep in. And grocery shopping with his father and stepdad was just the perfect excuse to get out of bed, no matter how much he disliked hanging out with them.
Besides, it was Thanksgiving, and he couldn't ignore his father's requests to hang out for three days in row. The blond boy found himself strolling slowly behind the two men as they discussed what plant-based diet they could have for dinner. Why they hadn't planned it days earlier was a mystery to Ryan and he didn't hesitate to complain to his friend about it.
You sure you don't want me to come over? - RuRu
Ryan smiled at Ruxie's offer. It was a small smile, one that didn't quite meet his eyes, but it didn't mean he wasn't touched by the offer. Ruxie hated Dan, and if they were going out of their way to visit Ryan knowing that the police officer who arrested their older brother was around, that meant that Ruxie really did care.
Yeah, I'm okay :) - Ryan
Why don't I believe you? - RuRu
Ryan sighed and stretched, cracking his neck in the process. He loved Ruxie, and always enjoyed their ability to see through anyone. Except for when that ability was directed at him. Instead of responding to his friend's question, Ryan put his phone in his pocket and walked past his parents, leaving them to continue their shopping.
"I'll be at the parking lot," he said to his dad as he left.
Ryan's dad looked at his son in disbelief and sighed before turning to his partner. "Think he's gonna be okay?"
Dan shrugged. "Maybe. I wish he would talk to us though," the man said.
Henry nodded, agreeing with him. He knew he still had a long way to go in making Ryan love him as he once did, but they were not there yet.
Ryan pulled his phone out of his pocket as he made his way out of the grocery store, using the entrance that also served as an exit. And as bad habits often came with consequences, looking down at his phone caused him to bump into someone right at the door which made his phone fall to the ground.
"Fuck, I really need to stop doing that," he groaned, mostly to himself but jumped back when the person replied.
"I'd say..."
Ryan looked up from the fingers decked out in black rings which picked up his phone and came face to face with Cain's curious gaze.
"Ca- Cain," the blond boy gasped. What's he doing here? He asked himself. Was it not enough that he was already having a bad day? Of course, he had to meet one of the people he was trying so damn hard to avoid. And for some reason, while every part of his being told him to look away and figure out how to leave the store, he couldn't help but stare blindly at Cain who licked the inside of his cheeks as he watched Ryan closely. With his phone in the tall boy's hands, Ryan wasn't sure how his plan of avoidance was going to work. But before he could say anything else, Cain grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the store.
"Cain!" Ryan exclaimed, shocked by the sudden pull. "Where are you taking me?"
Cain stopped walking for a moment and turned to face Ryan. He licked his lips as he sized him up. Then he breathed out and said, "Take a walk with me."
***
How do you like the story so far? I'd love to know what you think of Cain. What's he up to?
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