“Hey. We’re here.”

Just as the car stopped the image of that building unfolded right before my eyes. I lifted my head. I had been looking at my hands that whole time. They hadn’t stopped shaking. 

“Hey! Hey!”

Then, his voice interrupted all my thoughts. I could hear him tapping on the glass of the window I was sitting next to. I rolled it down.

“Jay?”

“What are you doing, dude? We’re gonna be late again. Come on, let’s go. Oh, and…”

“Yeah, I’m coming, I’m coming. Jesus…”

Just as I got out of the car and closed the door behind me I saw Jay trying to give me something. He handed it to me as fast as he could.

“What is this?” I asked.

“Don’t you remember? It’s the rubber you lent me two days ago.”

“Ah, right. Why are you giving it back? I told you you could keep it.”

“Yeaah… but I guess it doesn’t work now. So I don’t want it anymore.”

“And couldn’t you have just thrown it away?!”

I could hear him laugh. I might sound a bit upset but, actually, this is one of the things I like most about Jay. He’s always very upfront. 

“Hey, guys. Don’t you have to get to class?” Cole said.

Then Jay looked at his phone. “Oh, shit. That’s right. I almost forgot. I can’t be late again or Mr. Garreth will have me write a 5000 word essay. We have to go! Bye, Cole!”

He then started running. I followed him as fast as I could. He was faster than me, though. 

“Bye, guys. Have an amazingly beautiful day.”

I could hear the sarcasm in my brother’s voice. I turned around to see him again. I couldn’t hold the need to flip him off as well.

“Fuck off, Cole.”

He smiled again. Then, he left. 

I just kept on running.

“Hey, Jay! Wait, for fuck’s sake!”

✑

The bell had not rung yet. We got to class on time. I was out of breath.

“Why are you so slow?” Jay asked. 

I gave him an ominous look.

“The fuck do you mean? You know I’m not athletic. And we arrived on time anyway.”

He sighed.

We got to our seats. He and I sat right next to each other. It had been like that all these years. 

He was the first person I ever interacted with when I first came to live in this town. Ever since, he’s the only person whose side I have kept by. And the only one I’ve wanted to keep by mine.

I still remember that day. I was crying under one of the old oak trees of the park behind the school. Not many people visit it. I didn’t want anyone to see me like that, that’s why I went there. But he did. And despite that, he still tried to comfort me. Even though, he didn’t have to. 

I told him my story. He listened. I think I just needed someone to. 

He sat by my side and promised he would stay there with me until I felt better. 

We didn’t leave until the sun had set. 

We talked about many things during that time.

Our hobbies, our likes. Our fears, our wishes…

We made a promise we still keep to this day. We said we would try to see the world from another perspective. A better one, that is. And that no matter how much it would take us… we would see that promise come true. 

I don’t know how far we are from fulfilling that dream. I still can’t see it clearly. 

At least, that’s something that keeps my heart racing. 

Something that makes me believe there’s still color for me to find in this uncertain world.

When I look and talk to him I remember it all once again. I don’t think I’ve ever thanked him for it. Someday I will.

I promise.

Then, as this thought left my mind, we could hear the bell ring.

The teacher came through the door. 

Books open. Impassive silence. Class has started. I think I’ve lost myself again. 

It’s hard for me to pay attention.

I’ve tried to deny it. But I can’t. ‘Cause it’s her. It’s always her. 

She sits in the front row. On the left side. Right beside the window. 

I love it when her golden hair dances with the wind. 

She has such beautiful eyes. Blue as the sky. They always hypnotize my senses.

I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone as beautiful as her. 

Claire Delaney. 

She’s one of the most popular girls at our high school. I don’t think she even knows I exist. 

I’m not sure, but I think I prefer it that way. I might ruin her too If I get too close. Just looking at her from a distance is enough for me. Should I break her heart, I would never forgive myself. 

Although, it doesn’t really matter. ‘Cause mine’s already broken.

Even so, I still wonder sometimes:

“What is she like?” “What does she enjoy doing?”

But those questions still remain unanswered and unsaid. 

And that’s why, for now, I don’t need her words. I’ll just keep on losing myself in her figure.

That doesn’t sound that bad, either.

✑

“So… what do you think about it?”

“You know I’m not interested in that kind of stuff.”

He was now showing me something about some video game he was planning to buy. 

Jay was really into that kind of thing. As for me, I’ve never come to like it. I never really understood why people get so excited over such trivial stuff. 

Everything is simple. There is nothing such as ‘unique’ or ‘otherworldly’. Neither ‘special’. I don’t think we really know what that word implies. That’s why I don’t like to use it very often.

“Come on, I just wanted you to give me your opinion.” Jay insisted.

“But I really don’t know what to say. It seems good, I think?”

He chuckled. It was very clear he was asking just to bother me. I didn’t give it much thought. After all the times he’d done it, I had got used to it already. 

“Hey, you haven’t brought your lunch?” Jay asked as I got in line to get the food. We had entered the cafeteria. 

“No, I couldn’t. I think I’ll get something here. I don’t think I have much money left, though.”

“Don’t worry about that. I got you.” He said. Then, he handed me a 10 dollar bill.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, As long as you treat me to something some other day, we’re good.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

Jay was always like that. Even when I didn’t need help, he was always there to offer it. I hope it didn’t bother him too much. Although, I think it didn’t. ‘Cause Jay doesn’t usually care about that kind of insignificant things. Not like me. Always beating around the bush; not knowing what to do. 

“Alright. Now… let’s talk, buddy.” Jay said this while looking directly at me.

“Wha-what is it?”

He clicked his tongue.

“Do you remember what we talked about when we first met? The promise we made?”

That surprised me. I didn’t know what he was trying to say. I remembered it, though. Of course, I did. 

“Yeah. What about it?”

“Well, we’re seniors now. And still, we have done nothing yet. Not at all.”

I found myself a bit dumbfounded trying to elucidate what he was meaning. 

“I don’t get it.” I said.

“We’re 17 already. This is our last year of high school. Don’t you feel like trying something different? Living new experiences?”

I’ve never thought about it. But he was right. And despite that, I still wasn’t sure. Maybe I just didn’t want to stand out; or maybe it was just that I was too afraid to try and do things I was actually curious about. 

After graduating high school I’ll probably never have the chance to try them again. But, I don’t know. I don’t want to complicate things, either.

“I’m not sure. I think I’m good now.”

Jay looked at me and grabbed me by my shoulders. He was taller than me, so I had to lift my head a bit so I could face him. 

“Dude, where is your teen spirit when you need it? Don’t you see it? This is your last chance! You only get to be 17 once.”

“Then, what do you plan on doing?” I asked.

“Well, I don’t know. But we’ll see, right?”

I couldn’t hold the need to laugh. He was making that face again. The one when he gets so excited about things he actually doesn’t have any idea about. And I love it. That’s something I lacked. I always hoped I could be that carefree sometimes. Maybe then I would stop worrying and overthinking things so much.

“Yeah. Who knows.”

He smiled again.

“Let’s try, then.”

And I smiled, too.