“You’re leaving?”

We had just got out of the main building. I then realized I had been following Jay since he had got out of the infirmary. 

“Yeah. I think I’ll call it a day. You ain’t coming? I thought that was why you were following me.”

“Ah, right, but I just remembered I have to go to the club today.”

“You’re still in that club?”

“Of course.”

Jay looked a bit confused. 

“Do you really enjoy it?”

“I think so. At least, I have an excuse to spend some time reading on my own. It’s quite peaceful.”

“Well, I’m happy that you’re happy with it. But I don’t really understand why you like being a member of that club that much. Especially when you’re the only one in there.”

“I don’t know. It doesn’t really bother me, though.”

“Hmm. Bites me. I guess that’s your decision. I won’t say anything. Enjoy those books of yours, little freak.”

Jay said this while turning around. I chuckled. Then, I turned around too and headed upstairs again. 

As soon as I entered that little classroom, all those feelings reached out to me all again. I think that’s why I liked it so much there. It was somewhere I could just relax, while merging with the faint light beams that came through the window slits.

I always sat on the table that was closest to the windows, took out a book from my backpack, the one that was always so heavy, and then lost myself in the marvelous universe of words. 

That’s what the Literature Club was all about. And I really liked it that way.

For several years now I have enjoyed reading. It has always felt like something that could let me escape from the harsh reality I had to live in.

I’m really grateful for all those stories I’ve been able to know throughout that time. I’ve always found it amazing how, despite being so different, they can all still make me feel things that are so alike. Things that were never a thing in my reality; but in the one I liked to dive into. The only one that could make me forget things I didn’t want to remember. Memories I didn’t want to re-experience. 

And that’s why I became a member of that club. ‘Cause that was the only excuse I could have to avoid my problems. The only place I knew there wouldn’t have to be a single thing I’d have to worry about. Just me and the imagination of a heart that wanted to know what all those stories really meant for him. 

Then, just like always, I put on my headphones, played some random song from the playlist on my phone, and started reading.

Time simply passed by.

“What are you reading?”

That voice really surprised me. I jumped so hard I actually hit my head with the wall that was just behind me. I hadn’t noticed someone had entered the room until then.

“Agh. What the he-”

The moment I turned my head to see that person, I could not believe it. 

She was there. That girl was there.

It was so strange. Almost like a wish come true. 

Was I dreaming?

No, I sure wasn’t. I could see her. She was standing right in front of me. That girl who I had been staring at from the sidelines for so long was now standing right in front of me. 

Her blue eyes fixed on me. 

Her bright smile just as beautiful as ever.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Ah, don’t worry. It’s nothing.” I said as I was trying to get myself together again.

As I looked at her again, I could see she was a bit confused. 

“I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere…” 

Of course she had. We go to the same class, after all. But it’s normal she didn’t recognize me at that moment. I usually don’t stand out, either. 

“We are in the same class.” I said.

“Ah, that’s right! You were… Milner, right? Ethan Milner.”

I was actually a bit surprised she remembered my name. That made me really happy.

“Yep. That’s me.”

“Right, right. Wait. Now that I think about it, you were with that guy who fought with Brad in the cafeteria, weren’t you?”

“Yes. He’s a friend of mine.”

“Really? I’m sorry, then.”

“Well, it was not your fault, so don’t worry.”

“I know. But I’m sorry, anyway. That asshole Brad is always messing it up.”

Did she know it was all because of me? Because I had been staring at her? 

I don’t think she did. I didn’t mention it, anyway. I preferred not to.

“Isn’t he a friend of yours?

“What?! Of course not. I just let him stay with us because he’s one of Hal’s boyfriend’s friends.”

“Wow. You must have suffered a lot, then.”

She laughed. That was the first time I could hear her laugh. And I really loved it. Because it was genuine. She was just being herself. 

“Yeah. Pretty much.” She answered. “You’re quite funny, you know?”

“I’m not sure about that.” I said.

“Well, I am.”

Even her imperfection seemed perfect. 

“Ah, that caught me off guard. Thanks for the laugh, I really needed it.”

And, as she was trying to get herself together, I just couldn’t help asking:

“So, what are you doing here?”

“Eh? What do you mean? Isn’t this the Literature Club?”

It didn’t look like she was joking. That surprised me as well.

“Well, yes.”

“Perfect. I’ll stay here, then.”

“What? But only members of the club can be here. Otherwise, if a teacher catches us, we’ll be in trou-”

“But I am a member of the club.” She answered as she cut me off.

Was she actually being serious? That was really hard for me to believe. I went to check the paper with the list of the members that was on one of the other tables. I hadn’t checked it for about a month. It didn’t worry me. After all, I was always the only one there, I didn’t expect anyone to join. Absolutely no one. 

But that paper showed me otherwise. ‘Cause her name was up there. Clear as crystal.

Claire Delaney. 

“Ah, that’s right. So-sorry. I’m used to being the only one here, so it’s hard to believe someone else would join.”

“Is it really?” She asked seriously.

“That’s what I thought, at least.” I answered a bit puzzled.

“I don’t know. I felt like I wanted to do something else. And I love books and all that stuff, so I thought I’d just give it a try, you know?”

She smiled. That left me speechless. 

So simple, yet so captivating.

“Oh. What are you listening to?”

She said that as she came closer and grabbed one of my headphones, which I had forgotten I had been using since she got my attention. 

She then put it in her left ear.

“What?! You know this song?” 

“You don’t?”

“Of course I do! It’s one of my favorite ones.”

She closed her eyes, and just right after, she started singing.

“Sweet Caroline. Pa, pa, pa… Good times never seemed so good…”

I looked at her as she was diving into that simple melody. I was captivated again. Not because of the way she sang, which was not perfect at all; but because of how passionate she seemed to be about it. I could have never reacted to something that way. That’s why it impressed me so much.

“Ah. It’s so good. I’m glad someone listens to that kind of stuff, too.”

And I would have said something if it hadn’t been for the fact that our faces were now less than half a meter away. I could see it clearly. 

Her lips dyed in the faint glow of light. They were so beautiful as well. 

I looked at her eyes. They were still as blue as the sky.

She kept staring at me for at least 10 seconds. I couldn’t stop staring at her, either.

Then she chuckled and moved away as she sat right in front of me again.

She didn’t seem bothered nor uncomfortable about the situation. I felt pretty relieved. 

“You haven’t answered my question yet.”

“Hm? What question?”

“I asked you what book you were reading. I hadn’t seen it anywhere, must be really old or something.”

“Ah, this one?” I said while holding it with both of my hands.

“Yeah. Did you get it somewhere? It looks interesting.”

I know it was. I had read it already around 15 times. I couldn’t stop doing it. It was that special for me. And not for any reason.

“No. It was my mom’s. She gave it to me.”

That’s why. 

That was her favorite book. Most nights, when I came to her room, I would almost always see her reading it while she lay in bed. I eventually asked her what it was about. But she didn’t tell me. Instead, she just gave it to me and said that I should just find that out for myself. And I did. And it was beautiful. And that’s why, sometimes, I cannot hold the urge to cry when I read it, because it reminds me that I’ll never have her back to show me more incredible stories like that one. 

Now, those are just empty words. And still, I can’t stop looking through its pages over and over again. Even though, I know those no longer mean anything. 

Maybe it's nostalgia. Or maybe it’s just that I’m still too afraid to let go of that part of her. I sometimes wish I didn’t have to remember that part of our story, either. 

“Really? She must have a really eccentric taste, then.” Claire said. “Has she given you any more books?”

“No, this is the only one she gave me. The only one she used to read.”

“Doesn’t she read anything else?”

“No.”

“That’s sad. There are so many incredible books out there. I could tell you about some interesting ones you can talk to her about. Maybe just like that one.”

“Yeah. That’d be nice. But she can’t read. Not anymore.”

“Why, though?”

“Because she died two years ago.” 

Her expression changed drastically. I didn’t want her to feel bad or anything. It’s just that I couldn’t hide it anymore. I didn’t care. She wasn’t there anymore, so there was no point in denying it, either. Even so, I still couldn’t accept it. It was all so difficult. So uncertain.

At least, that’s what I thought.

“So-sorry. I just–”

“Why are you apologizing?”

She looked straight at me, her eyes as bright as they could be. I couldn’t look away.

“It was not your fault. You don’t have to worry about it. You didn’t know, anyway.”

“Yeah, but, even so, I didn’t want to remind you of all of that. It must have been difficult for you.”

“Well, you’re not wrong about that. And it still is. But what is the point of endlessly lamenting? In the end, it is what it is.”

She didn’t know what to say. I knew exactly why. How easy could it be for someone to find the right words in a moment like that? If I had been her, I wouldn’t have said anything, either. Everything was much easier that way.

“There’s nothing we can do. In reality there are no happy endings. Not even for her.”

“You really think so?” She asked.

“I guess. ‘Cause life isn’t like fairy tales, you know? Neither is mine. And neither was hers.”

And as I said that, I could feel my hands shaking again. I know she noticed. And still, she said nothing about it. Maybe she thought it was normal. I wish it wasn’t. I hate that feeling. I really do. 

“I don’t know. But grief and sorrow don’t take us anywhere, either.” She said. “Maybe it’s better to just try to live with it.”

“Sounds so easy to say when you haven’t really experienced it.”

I didn’t want to make her feel bad about it, but that’s what I truly thought. ‘Cause even after all that time, I couldn't seem to find a way to get rid of all that pain. And I still can’t.

“Yeah, maybe.” She didn’t seem to mind, though. “But, even so, I think that might be better. Fairy tales can also be a part of our dreams. I like to believe that, too.”

I chuckled. That made me forget all the things that went through my mind at that moment. My hands stopped shaking. 

“Did you get that from one of those books you’ve read?”

She laughed in return. 

“Maybe.” 

I knew it. I knew it right there.

Sometimes, all it takes for us to lose our minds is one smile. One simple smile.

Have I gone crazy? If that's the case, then I don't mind looking at hers for as much as I have to. 

It's beautiful. It just is.

"So, what do you usually do here?" She asked.

"I just sit here and read."

"Nothing else?"

"Nothing else."

"Ah… How boring. Let's do something else, then. Why don't we talk about ourselves?"

"I'm not sure I have anything interesting to say about me."

"Ah, come on. Surely, there must be something. For example… What's your favorite book?"

“The Neverending Story.”

“Oh. So you do like your fantasy.”

“I guess. I’ve always found that kind of stories more interesting. Reality has never been something really appealing to me.”

“Then, why don’t you make your life a fantasy too?”

She seemed so sure about that that I couldn’t help laughing. The innocence reflected in her face was just as perfect as it seemed to be.

“As if that was possible.” I said.

“Maybe you just gotta try.”

She said that while putting on that face I wasn’t used to yet. I just wished to see it more. ‘Cause it’s true. She’s here. And she’s beautiful. And she’s made me lose myself yet again. 

Will this last forever? 

I hope it does. 

I know it won’t.

But still, I hope so.

I really do.

‘Cause, in the end, no other answer would have crossed my mind. And even in a thousand years, I couldn’t have thought of anything else.

Her smile taught me that. 

I had just met her, and still, I knew.

“Yeah. Who knows. Maybe fairy tales are real, too.”