Ben’s eyes widen in fear at the prospect of having to embark on this conversation, but thankfully at that moment, Alex appears at the head of the table, still with his apron on over his shirt and waistcoat, and a Christmas cracker crown hanging dangerously off the top of his head. ‘How’s everybody doing over here?’ He looks specifically at Ben and claps him on the shoulder. ‘Everyone doing okay?’

For the first time, I have look at Ben’s plate. He does appear to have eaten some of it, which is a very good sign, since Ben didn’t even like roast dinner that much before his eating disorder. But while it’s good that Alex’s checking in, he’s also drawing everyone’s attention to Ben, which is pretty much the last thing Ben wants.

‘We’re fine,’ I say quickly.

Alex meets my eyes and gives me a little nod. ‘All right-y. Let me know if you need any more to drink.’ He wanders back to his table.

Ben turns to me and says quietly, ‘He’s so pester-y.’

I don’t really want to say it, but I do anyway. ‘I think he might just worried.’

Ben rolls his eyes. ‘Can’t I just have a normal…’ But his voice dies away and he goes back to staring at his plate.

*

He doesn’t say much more for the whole meal, which means that I have to suffer through a horrific question-and-answer session from Tj about all my friends, and then he wants an update on what tv shows I watch , and then he gets started on the whole ‘so what are you thinking about for university’ thing, to which my answer is simply, ‘I’m not.’

Ben keeps taking out his phone and texting under the table, which kind of starts to piss me off, but I don’t really want to annoy him, as everyone else in this family is doing that already.

I manage to escape Tj after dinner and sit quietly on the sofa, so I check my own phone.

Julia Ballan

(11:07) Lmaooooo I’m glad so glad I’m an only child.

(11:09) MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU INSOMNIAC

(11:10) Love u xxxxxxxxxxxxx

(12:22) Dad got me the new Call of Duty. See you in my next life x

(14:01) Mum’s so drunk already. Can your brother’s adoption family adopt me?

(14:54) MUM IS DANCING ON A CHAIR

(14:59) #SaveJulia

‘How are you feeling anyway, Ben?’

Uncle Claus’s voice snaps my attention away from my phone. Uncle Claus is very much like Tj -big on gossip, big on talking about deep things, generally very irritating. He’s sitting on a chair on the other side of the room, facing Ben, who’s next to me on the sofa.