‘Er…’ Ben’s eyes widen as he searches for something to say. ‘I’m doing okay, thanks.’

‘It’s so nice that you could come back for Christmas. Can’t imagine what Christmas must be in a place like that.’

Noticeable tension draws up around us. The grandparents are luckily all having a separate conversation on the other sofa, and Mayres and Alex are absent from the room, but Uncle Claus and Aunt Sofie, all our cousins and various miscellaneous relatives now have their attention on Ben. Ben’s hands curl into fists.

‘Well, it all got decorated for Christmas,’ he says.

‘And a lot of it was really helpful.’

I hate the way people react when they learn Ben spent few weeks as an in-patient. As if it’s the most horrific thing they’ve ever hears. It’s because it automatically makes them think mental asylum and crazy people, instead of treatment and recovery and learning to manage an eating disorder.

Don’t get me wrong – I’ve read online that psych wards are not always great places, like if they’ve got shitty staff or they’re underfunded. But the one Ben went to helped him more than me and Mayres and Alex were able to. He had a whole team of experts helping him understand his feelings and start working towards recovery, without the distraction and pressure of thinking of Alexander.

In all honesty, going to one probably saved Ben’s life.

Unfortunately, by the time I’ve tried to figure out how to say all of this to Uncle Claus, he has continued spouting absolute garbage.

‘Oh, I’m sure,’ continues Uncle Claus. ‘But you hear some horror stories, don’t you? White walls and straitjackets and all.’

Aunt Sofie laughs and whacks Uncle Claus playfully on the arm. ‘Oh, come on now, Claus, no mental hospitals are really like that.’

‘Psychiatric ward,’ I correct her.

‘She clears her throat. ‘Yes.’ She shoots a wide grin at Ben. ‘We’ll all very happy that Ben’s better and back with us, aren’t we?’

‘Absolutely,’ says Uncle Claus.

That’s the other thing they don’t get. They think eating disorder and mental illness can just be fixed at the drop of a hat. They don’t understand that it’s a process. That it takes time and treatment and effort and bad days and good days.

‘Thanks,’ says Ben, but he looks like he’s about to throw up.