“Okay then, guys. See you at school!”

Claire said that as she waved us goodbye. Hal also did just a second later. 

One minute passed and they had already vanished from our view, at the end of that long street. 

“Oh, man. I feel my balls all soaked. I think I might take a shower when I get home.”

I just looked at Jay and laughed at his innocence. 

I think he blushed a little.

“Shut up, dude! Let’s just get going.” He immediately complained. “I’ll walk you home.”

“You don’t have to, really.” 

“Whatever man. I just wanna go for a walk.”

I shrugged. 

“Well. All right.”

I wasn’t really used to coming back home so late. The streets were empty, all I could hear were the chirping of crickets coming from behind the trees and bushes, and the lights of the street lamps illuminated bit by bit every part of the pavement.

“It was fun, wasn’t it?” Jay asked. 

“Hmm? What do you mean?”

“I mean, like… just goofing around, jumping into the lake almost naked, looking at the meteor shower with my balls almost freezing…”

Even his expression while saying that was funny. To be fair, I had already got used to that kind of humor, that’s why I probably just let out a smile while looking at him. 

“Yeah. Couldn’t have thought we’d be doing this at some point, to be honest.”

“Well, man. We did make that promise, right? And I know you almost reached it, Ethan.”

Those words quite surprised me. I wasn’t quite sure what he meant by that.

“Wha-what do you mean?”

And just as I had done before, he let out a vague smile. He was also used to my innocence. And I knew he found it appealing. If not, he wouldn’t be able to take the piss out of me with all those jokes… or he wouldn’t be able to make me see how much he actually cared about me. 

Because I know he did. 

Otherwise, we would not still be holding to that bright promise. 

“You know? I really didn’t think you were gonna jump.” He said bluntly.

“No shit, man.”

He laughed a bit at my straightforwardness…

“But…”

…and just a second later, that happiness turned into the fondness of a heart who saw the source of hope it so desperately clung to. 

At that time, I really didn’t know it was like that. Maybe I should’ve realized just a bit sooner. 

“...the moment you reached the edge and jumped… I could see you smile… and I know that was true. ‘Cause you don’t even know you were smiling that much.”

And it was true. I think he confirmed that thought just by looking at how dumb-founded I was looking. 

“And that’s when you thought that you wanted to keep living like that. That’s how I know you almost reached our promise. From up there, I’m sure you got to see the world from another perspective, right?”

I really didn’t know what to say. All those new beautiful feelings were just starting to grow on me, but having Jay confirm them made them almost just as confusing.

Was I just fooling myself into thinking the world could be that incredible?

Then I recalled their smiles once again, and all those doubts disappeared from my mind. 

I knew that beauty was there. I just had to find it. 

“Yeah… Maybe I did.” I responded a bit doubtfully. 

Jay smiled again. 

“I know you did, dude. I heard you say it… I’m glad to be alive… I’m happy you were able to grasp those feelings at once.”

His gentle words reached out to me as the night breeze caressed our faces. 

Then I smiled thinking my best friend could understand that part of me. And the moment I looked at him again I wondered…

“What about you, Jay?”

“What about me?”

“Yeah. Did you also have fun? Were you able to get closer to that promise?”

Maybe it was just my imagination, or maybe I was still too deluded to tell… but I think then and there… a tear began to form on Jay’s face.

Still, he couldn’t abandon that unwavering facet of his… the one where he had to look like unbreakable glass.

“Yeah, dude! It was hella fun!” 

And just as he said that, he patted me on the back.

“Anyway, we just got here.”

“Ah, right…”

I had arrived home. 

“Well then… See ya later, Ethan. Let’s meet up with Claire and Hal more often. This time was really good!”

And just as he said that, he started leaving. His figure started vanishing down the imagery of that street, and just as it did, I started wondering again… 

Have I ever seen Jay cry?

And the truth is… I hadn’t. Not even then. 

Maybe it’s just that all those times he did, he just turned his back on me and tried to endure the tears all by himself. Maybe he also thought I already had enough. I wouldn’t find it strange. I knew he was that kind of person. The one knight that always protects the feelings of those around him… even while his own armor is shattering. 

I still hoped it wasn’t true. 

I still hoped his armor was as strong and shiny as ever. 

But, the truth is… we are not all happy utopias. We also tend to cling to our very own sad stories. And we also tend to shatter the moment we force ourselves to remember them. 

So, if the day comes when I get to know about Jay’s sadness… I promise I’ll be there to acknowledge all its mementos… that will someday turn into the old pictures of those days we may not want to remember… and the faint lights of the stars that couldn’t reach our hearts even if they were there to protect us. 

If, someday, he comes to believe in me as more than just a tragic tale… then I’ll also try to listen to all his sad stories.

At least, I know I owe him that.