Drenching myself in cold water should help me come to my senses. The erection is down and I am out of bed. After I wipe my face with a towel, I look at my reflection. I still look ghastly. I remember Wendy’s ex-boyfriend having a decent looking face for a white man. I don’t think I look great even from an Asian’s standard of beauty, let alone from a Korean’s perspective. What’s so great about me that Wendy would want to spend her time with?

I hear the soft buzzing noise of my phone and I pick it up to see it is Mom calling me. The dream sequence flashes in my mind. That’s only a dream. Surely, Mom is not growing vegetables and planning on handing them out to people around her. That definitely won’t happen.

I take the call. “Umma?”

“Eugene! How are you today?”

“I’m good.”

“That’s good to hear. Eugene, do you want some vegetables? I grew some and they are good and ripe!”

I feel a chill down my spine. “Vegetables? Sure, you know I like them. W-what sort of vegetables are you growing?” I never knew my own mother had a penchant for gardening. Perhaps, it is a hobby she developed after I left the house. The dream I had bothers me, but I would feel bad if I rejected her kind offer. I’m glad that Mom is willing to continue rekindling our relationship. I truly believe she is trying to atone for the mistakes she made in the past from giving me boxes of fruit to growing and giving out her own freshly grown produce.

“I’m mainly growing perilla leaves, eggplants, tomatoes and chives.”

Not hearing the word ‘pepper’ makes me relieved. I quite like chives myself; getting some is a good thing to me. I guess I can try making Buchujeon* with them; it’s been a while since I last made some. Do I still have onions?

“I want some.”

“Really? I’m glad. I’ll get Lauren to drop them off at your place. Enjoy them!” She sounds really happy and it makes me happy as well.

“I will.” I ended the call.

Hearing the name Lauren is a surprise. Lauren is Jay’s girlfriend. She’s also Korean. From what Jay tells me, Mom doesn’t seem too fond of her. Mom and Jay are siblings, but they have quite a large age gap. Jay would tell me funny stories of how she would get mistaken to be his mother when they were young. Mom does treat Jay like he’s her son at times. Seeing how Mom actually addressed Lauren by name now seems to show that they are getting along fine. It’s nice to hear because Jay is serious about her.

Wait. I forgot to ask when Lauren is going to come. I guess she’ll come at any time. She has a lot of free time since it’s summer break; she works as an elementary school math teacher.

Since it’s morning, I need to energize myself with breakfast. Although I can cook, I don’t really do it often nowadays, but getting all these fruits and vegetables will make me reconsider. It’s been a while since I last had a good breakfast. What should I make today?

As soon as I get my frying pan, I feel my phone vibrating again. Lauren is calling me. I pick up quickly.

“Lauren?”

“Hey, Eugene, your mom is making me do errands. She got some vegetables for you.”

“I’ll be there.”

“I’m waiting in front of your apartment. Hurry up. I’ve got places to be.” She hangs up. Lauren has always been impatient.

As she demands, I rush out of my apartment with my keys and sketchbook in tow. I leave my phone inside, as I don’t need it for now. I head downstairs to the lobby. As I rush out of the lobby, I make eye contact with Wendy who seems to have returned from jogging.

The dream from before comes to mind. I feel my face heating up as I rush past her. I don’t want to see her right now. It’s too embarrassing.

In front of the apartment complex, there is a black car parked just in front. No one is allowed to park in front of the building, but I know that it’s not permanent. A window rolls down to reveal a woman wearing sunglasses. Her hair is tied back into a bun. Her lips are extremely red. I see large earrings dangling from her ears.

This rather flashy woman is Lauren Ku, Jay’s girlfriend. She looks like this, but she’s actually an elementary school math teacher. The gaudy appearance she has in front of me is her look when she’s off work. Her eyes are concealed, but from her dark eyebrows, I can tell she’s displeased with seeing me.

“Take the vegetables, you little runt.” I can hear an antagonistic tone from her.

Lauren’s not too fond of me because she thinks Jay spends more time with me than he does with her. She has always been quite…territorial. Jay loves her a lot, despite her condescending attitude towards me; he has an odd penchant for fiery women. They’ve been dating since they met in college, apparently.

As I take the vinyl bag from her hand, I notice something sparkling. Noticing my expression, she smirks. “See this ring? Jay proposed to me the other day. We’re getting married. We plan on getting a house far from this city. That means Jay will spend less time going to your place.” She shows off the ring. It looks very expensive, befitting Jay’s wealth as a successful CPA.

This woman is behaving exactly like the children she’s teaching. How childish. Why waste your time and energy antagonizing the person who’s soon to become your nephew-in-law? I can’t express my bewilderment; it would only stroke her ego.

I tell her, “Congratulations.”

An unexpected sadness wells up within me. Jay usually keeps me updated with both trivial and important aspects of his life. For him to not inform me about his engagement makes me disappointed. First Eura, and now Jay are going to leave me behind to get married. They found love and happiness that I cannot find.

“Thanks!” She hummed in joy. “See you later, Eugene. I got friends to meet.”

She drives off in a flash. I wonder how my mom approved of this marriage. Then again, even if she’s a bit mean to me, she’s a very capable woman. Men like capable women, at least from what I’ve observed.

I look into the bag of vegetables. The vegetables are pristine. There’s a glow to them that you can’t find in markets. Organic items really are a treasure. I can’t wait to use these in cooking.

Going back into the lobby, I see Wendy and the receptionist, Rachel, talking. From their chat, I believe the two are good friends. My eyes are glued to Wendy. Thinking about Eura and Jay, I wonder if Wendy is the right person for me. No, I shouldn’t think like that. Wendy isn’t an object of happiness. She’s a person. I shouldn’t project my expectations onto her, expecting her to save me.

Thinking about this and remembering last night’s dream makes me look away. I like Wendy, but I’m really not in the mood to interact or gaze upon her. I just want to go back to my apartment and think about Lauren and Jay’s engagement.

After taking a few steps towards the stairs, I overhear their conversation.

“You know, Wendy, I don’t think I’ve heard you talk about getting a new boyfriend recently. Have you gotten sick of dating around?”

“I guess. After that last guy hit me, I stopped believing in love.”

I guess my feelings will always remain unrequited. How unfortunate. I feel something pulling my chest apart; could this be what heartache is? Am I heartbroken about this?

The receptionist asks her, “You don’t like Eugene? I’ve seen you hang around him lately. Is he your new target? I thought you hate Asian men.” The pulling feeling now changes into a stabbing feeling. It’s like someone just stabbed me in the chest.

“I do, but—“

I hear silence. They most likely noticed my presence. I cannot bear to turn around. Seeing Wendy’s expression would only make things worse. I know that this could be a misunderstanding of sorts, but that did not matter.

“Eugene…” That is Wendy’s voice.

Instead of turning around, I bolt towards the staircase and towards my apartment. In a spur of a moment, I find myself inside my apartment and then onto my bed. 

A lot is on my mind from Lauren to Wendy. I am not sure what concerns me the most. However, I am sure about one thing: my heart is aching.

--

*: Buchujeon is Korean chives pancake.