In an effort to camouflage his familiar features, Dick pulled his hood tight over his head for his first Valian’s Tuesday. Of course, he wasn’t the only blonde man on the earth, so it couldn’t have been that egregious--that being said, his urgency to hide his face made him seem even more suspicious. And as he led Franky and Viktor down to the muffled conversation of the Valian’s House, that became apparent to him when all his fellow Valians turned to stare. It could’ve also been the fact that Viktor was a rotting corpse boy and Franky was almost six-and-a-half feet tall with a goofy pair of goggles fixed on his head. 

But soon the other Valians continued their conversations, and Cynthia and Tabby came to greet the boys. “There you are,” Cynthia said, eagerly shaking Dick’s hand. Dick tried to muster a smile, but the only thing he could do was nod in reply. Viktor stood behind his back, trying to hide himself, but peaking out slightly to catch a glimpse of the two girls. Cynthia noticed him, but didn’t know what to say to the kid; Tabby was standing near Franky, twirling her hair around one finger and looking up at him with soft eyes.

“And you, too?” she said to him, her voice high-pitched and quiet. Franky glanced down at her, seeming to lose her intentions.

“Who, me?” he said. “What did I do?”

“You’re a Valian too,” Tabby said, “with Dick?”

Franky smiled and stood tall, proud of himself. “Yep! We’re roommates. We’ve known each other since we were kids--”

“Yeah? So you knew Jeff? Tell me about Jeff!”

Tabby bounced on her heels, pumping her fists in excitement at another opportunity to learn about her favorite serial killer. But the only thing Franky could notice were Tabby’s neon bracelets and animal-printed arm warmers. “If you tell me about those first,” Franky said, mesmerized, as he pointed to the beads, “where’d you get them? They’re pretty…”

“You want one?” Tabby took a bright purple spiked bracelet off of her wrist and put it around Franky's hand. Franky grinned, starting to play with it before the crowd turned to the Viper Room door. Ted stepped out of it, wings spread, the gold hoops through his many piercings sparkling in the dim lights. Franky and Tabby simultaneously left their attention on Ted rather than each other, seemingly hypnotized by his glowing complexion.

“Good evening,” Ted said in a low tone, once the room was completely silent. His bright eyes darted around the room, hooking on every single member one by one. They remained on Dick once he spoke again. “It’s a pleasure to see you all again,” he continued, “and I hope I’ll see you through to the end of the season. Before we do anything else, though, I’d like to bring you someplace…special. You may have visited before, but in the case you haven’t, this is something you should see…”

With the tilt of his head, Ted had the rest of the cult following him into the Viper Room. Dick, Franky, and Viktor exchanged a questionable look, before they followed suit, limply holding each other’s sleeves.

Tagging close behind, Bloodshot wrung his hands nervously as the crowd flooded into the Viper room. Ted was unlocking the closet door with a skeleton key when Bloodshot put a hand on his shoulder and whispered in his ear. “You’re sure you want to bring them down there?” he said uneasily. Ted barely glanced back at him, with an expression intolerant of Bloodshot’s reservations.

“What are you worried about? It’s an empty room,” Ted replied.

“It’s not empty.” Bloodshot let out a shallow breath. “There’s a portal in there, Ted.”

Ted rolled his eyes, and with a smirk, he started down the winding staircase leading to his precious Sacrosanct. “My home,” he said. Powerless in the face of his king, Bloodshot could only follow along, leading the other prophets to the room of a singular danger.

At the bottom of the stairs was an empty room made of concrete. The only things visible were spiderwebs and mouseholes, and a ring of dark ink in the center of the room. Dick peered curiously over the stain as Ted moved to the front of the cellar. “I’m sure most of you know I’m not from here,” he said, dusting his hands on his leather pants. “It was in this room that I was brought to earth from hell through a portal…”

He gestured to the circle of black before he nodded at Lupita, who was standing on the stairs, waiting. “Thanks to our fallen angel and his beloved daughter, I’ve become your king, and with your help, we’ll rule all three worlds!”

Grinning madly, Ted threw his arms towards the ceiling as if he were performing some epic speech, but the room was silent save for a few scattered whistles. Ted’s tail flicked in pleasure at his prophet’s blind compliance. “You truly are a lovely group,” he said. “I’ll lead you for as long as you listen. Soon we’ll lead those who don’t, and take hell, heaven, and the earth for ourselves.”

At the mention of his beloathed hellworld, the stain on the floor glowed a bright red, like a ring of fire being lit. Ted’s eyes almost turned red as he stared at it, growing, consuming the concrete floor as it opened like a sinkhole. Bumping into one another, the Valians tried their best to avoid the spreading mass, as did Dick, Franky, and Viktor, whose grips on each other now tightened. A slight wave of heat blew at their faces, like they were around a campfire in the wind--but the only spooky story to be told was the giant form emerging from the center of it. Starting with a triad of pairs of horns lined with rings, a figure was crawling through the floor, raising itself through the pit of flames in an effort to come to earth. Illuminated by the red light, they could see its features when it stood--at seven or eight feet tall, with a head of worn red fur, as were his goat-like bipedal legs, hooved feet carved with scratches. His torso was humanoid, just barely, coated in white skin tattooed with blue blooded scars. Gold jewelry decorated his limbs, each claw crowned with a ring, neck choked with chains. His eyes glowed a deadly blue.

A sharp, polished nail was pointed towards Ted, uncharacteristically cowering in fear. “You,” the monster said to him. His voice was below human capability, not just deep, but powerful, resonating within their ears. 

Looking towards the stairs, Dick wanted to tell his partners to leave, but no other Valian had retreated. What was the difference between Ted and the demon looming near the ceiling, at least to the Valians? 

Ted’s eyes were glazed over as he stared at the near-razor ahead of him. His tail was between his legs, and his wings folded in shame behind his back. “Sadie, you, um…came,” he said, his voice like a mouse, almost quivering. 

The demon twisted his claw beneath Ted’s chin, tilting it upwards to face him. “That’s Satan to you,” he said. The Valians reared back in shock, before the most devoted prophets fell to their knees. Soon the whole party was bowing at the hooves of Satan, except for the vulnerable Ted, and his equally-worried right hand, Lupita. At the sound of their bones hitting the concrete, Satan turned his head to look at them. Instead of being grateful for his loyal followers, and saying so, Satan growled, bearing his teeth towards them. 

“Stand for yourselves!” he said. “Or stand for your false idol. Either way, don’t bow for me, you worthless rejects! Up, up!”

Satan waved his hands from the floor, in which the Valians obeyed his command. Satan turned back towards Ted, who was trying to make his way around the giant in front of him. “Look what you’ve done to these people. You’ve overstayed your welcome much too long. When did Lucifer or I tell you to have cowboy townspeople worship you to stroke your own ego? Tell me. Is your name Lucifer?” Satan said to him. Before Ted could respond, Satan turned back towards his cult, shaking his arms in anger. “You’re living a lie, all of you! You weren’t supposed to fall for Ted. You weren’t even supposed to fall for the real kings of hell. Lucifer brought Ted to earth to make peace with humans, not to play god with them!”

The Valians gave each other a confused look, while Ted dropped his cowardly facade to fight back. “You never said that!” he said. “You--”

Satan cut through his words when he grabbed him by one horn. “I’m not in the mood for your whining. I’ve had enough of you. Lucifer’s put portals through town to release demons just the same as you. We’ll be waiting for your head to come through the mail.”

A soft hand breached the crease of Satan’s elbow from behind; Lupita, his beloved niece, was there holding his arm, concerned. “Uncle, I don’t think this is a good idea…” she said in a feeble tone.

“It’s not your fight, Lupita. Stay inside tonight, okay?” he replied, lowering his volume so as not to startle her. When she wouldn’t let go of him, he pushed her to the side, and what was gentle to him was enough for Lupita to be thrown against the concrete wall.

“Why are you doing this? What did I do wrong?” Ted said, trying his hardest to pry Satan’s claws off of his hellcrown. 

“You’ve divided the living and the dead,” Satan said. Then, with a flash of hot fire and red mist, he was gone just as quickly as he had come. The Valians exchanged a worried glance again before they looked to Ted for help. Unfortunately, he too was just as confused as they were. The room was silent for a few moments before their leader finally spoke up.

“Well, what the hell are you waiting for?!” he yelled, pointing to the stairs. “Find them! Find every demon and kill them! All of them! I don’t want to see a single other horn after the sun rises!”

The members quickly caught wind of the situation and ran in a herd up the winding staircase. Dick dragged his friends through the crowd, eager to find his first opportunity to please Ted--and Ted himself took the tail end of the mob, deciding to seek out his opponents too. Lupita, now more worried about Ted’s intentions than before, grabbed the corner of his coat as he was leaving.

“Ted, wait,” she said, her voice wobbling with tears, “my uncle.”

Ted gave her a dirty look. “I don’t give a shit about your uncle,” he said, before tearing himself from her grip and continuing up. “You’ll see him again in hell.”

Lupita tried to protest, but her attempts went unheard, or rather ignored. She wiped her eyes free of tears, trying not to think of her uncle in any sort of pain, and followed her fellow members--not to kill other demons, but to try to protect her uncle.